11. Manna issue 89 - Family What God Has Joined, Let No Man Separate (Part 3) 家庭：神所配合的，人不可分開 (第三回)
Aun Quek Chin—Singapore 新加坡 Aun Quek Chin
Editor’s note: 編者按：
The first two installments of this series focused on
understanding God’s will and purpose in instituting marriage,
as well as His principles for marital union
and how these impact our relationship with Him.
In this final part, we will look at
how we must diligently strive to grow and mature together with our spouse.
本系列前兩期的文章，重點聚焦在，
了解神設立婚姻的旨意和目的，
以及祂設立婚姻結合的原則
以及這些事情，是如何影響我們與神的關係。
在本期最後一部分，我們將來看看，
必須要如何殷勤努力與配偶一起成長成熟。
God instituted marriage to perpetuate life,
as well as to provide an environment in which a man and a woman can grow and mature together.
Before marriage, we are primarily concerned about our own feelings and happiness;
but after marriage, we learn to consider the feelings and needs of our spouse,
in all matters major and trivial.
Through mutual care and giving way, couples can grow together and sustain strong marriages.
神設立婚姻是為了延續生命，
以及提供一個男人女人可以共同成長和成熟的環境。
婚前，我們只會關心自己的感受和幸福；
結婚後，在所有重大和瑣事情上，我們學會了考慮配偶的感受和需要。
通過相互關心讓步，夫妻可以共同成長，並維持牢固的婚姻。
RECIPROCITY 互相幫補
But he who is married cares about the things of the world
—how he may please his wife.
There is a difference between a wife and a virgin.
The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord,
that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.
But she who is married cares about the things of the world
—how she may please her husband.
(1 Cor 7:33–34)
33娶了妻的，是為世上的事罣慮，想怎樣叫妻子喜悅。
34婦人和處女也有分別。沒有出嫁的，是為主的事罣慮，要身體、靈魂都聖潔；
已經出嫁的，是為世上的事罣慮，想怎樣叫丈夫喜悅。
(林前 7：33-34)
According to the apostle Paul, before marriage,
it is as though we are betrothed to the Lord.
He will come one day to take us to dwell with Him in His eternal kingdom.
Before His coming, we busy ourselves over His matters and show our love for His church.
We take the initiative to support our weak brethren and participate in different ministries.
In church, we do not behave like strangers who just pop in and out for visits,
or guests who are quick to complain but do nothing to help.
Instead, we step up quickly to resolve problems.
These actions demonstrate our sense of responsibility towards our beloved Lord.
據使徒保羅所說，婚前，
就好像我們已許配給主了。
總有一天，他會來帶我們與祂同住在永恆的國度裡。
祂來之前，我們自已忙著祂的事，表達我們對祂教會的愛。
我們會主動支持軟弱的弟兄姐妹，參與不同的事奉聖工。
在教會裡，我們不會表現的像陌生人一樣，隨意進出教會參觀，
或是像客人一樣，很快就產生抱怨，但卻事事無能為力。
相反地，我們會迅速站出來，加緊解決問題。
這些行動，就表明了我們深愛主的責任感。
After marriage, although we should still be dedicated to our church duties,
some of our time and energy will be channelled into our Christian duty of caring for our spouse
and raising a God-fearing family.
Paul noted that for the husband,
“[H]e who is married cares about the things of the world
—how he may please his wife.”
Similarly, for the wife,
“[S]he who is married cares about the things of the world
—how she may please her husband.”
In short, marriage entails a mutual responsibility to love and please our spouse.
結婚之後，雖然我們仍應該要繼續投入自已的教會職責，
我們有些時間和精力，會轉向照顧配偶的基督徒責任，
並且培養出敬畏神的家庭。
保羅提醒作丈夫的，
“33娶了妻的，是為世上的事罣慮，想怎樣叫妻子喜悅。。”
同時，對於妻子來說，
“34b已經出嫁的，是為世上的事罣慮，想怎樣叫丈夫喜悅。。”
簡而言之，婚姻需要一起負起責任互相疼愛, 並取悅我們的配偶。
Marital problems arise when this principle is forgotten
—when couples start pointing the finger at each other,
accusing the other of not showing love.
Very often, they have not asked whether they themselves have shown love.
They fail to realize that reciprocity is key to a successful marriage.
一旦忘記了這個原則，婚姻就會出問題，
—當夫婦開始互相指責對方時，
責怪對方沒有愛。
很多時候，他們並沒有問，自己是不是有表達關愛。
他們不明白，互相幫助才是成功婚姻的關鍵。
The decision to begin a marital relationship must be based on mutual love.
Of course, there may be some who enjoy the attention of courtship;
they just want to be cherished without giving the same in return.
Such one-sided relationships are not healthy,
and will lead to unhappiness and suffering.
A person who just wants to receive but not give love is not ready for any relationship,
let alone marriage.
決定要開始婚姻關係，必須是基於彼此相愛。
當然，可能有些人很喜歡被追求，受到關注；
他們只想得到別人的珍愛，而不給予對方同樣的回報。
這種單方面的關係類型，是不健康的，
並且會導致沒有快樂，並充滿痛苦。
一個只想要得到別人關愛，而沒有付出的人，就是沒有準備好要進入任何關係，
更別說要結婚了。
Marriages, like gardens, must be tended in order for beautiful blooms to grow.
It is possible that, over time, initially loving relationships become one-sided.
For example, some may take their spouses for granted,
others may become more self-centered.
They expect to receive their spouse’s love, forgetting to reciprocate.
Another scenario is when both parties harbor expectations of the other
but neither is willing to take the first step.
Disappointment and resentment over the other party’s lack of care, concern and love
will create a fissure in their relationship,
which may widen into a gulf.
Both parties must take the first step to rekindle the spark of marital love within their marriage.
婚姻就像花園一樣，必須好好照料，才能開出美麗的花朵。
很有可能隨著時間的推移，最初的愛情關係變成單方面付出。
例如，有些人可能會認為，自已配偶的付出是理所當然的，
有些人可能會變得更加以自我中心。
他們期望得到配偶的疼愛，卻忘了要付出回報。
另一種情況是，雙方都期待對方會有所付出，
但是雙方都不願意先邁出第一步付出。
因為一方缺乏照顧、關心和疼愛，而產生的失望怨恨，
就會令他們的關係產生裂痕，
就有可能會擴大成一道鴻溝。
雙方必須都邁出第一步，於他們婚姻中，重新點燃夫妻愛情的火花。
SACRIFICE 犧牲
Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
(Eph 5:24–25)
24教會怎樣順服基督，妻子也要怎樣凡事順服丈夫。
25你們作丈夫的，要愛你們的妻子，正如基督愛教會，為教會捨己。
(弗 5：24-25)
Paul sets out the model relationship.
Christ loved and gave His life for His church.
This is the sacrificial love husbands must give their wives.
On the wife’s part, love entails submission to her husband: sacrificing her will.
Such love should be shown not once but consistently, and in all areas.
None of us is perfect but God wants us to diligently learn
and manifest such a spirit of sacrifice and submission.
If a husband and wife
—two people who have become one body
—cannot love each other,
how can they love others?
保羅制定了夫妻關係的模型。
基督深愛教會，並為教會捨命。
這是種丈夫必須給予妻子，願意犧牲的疼愛。
而身為妻子這方面，愛就代表著要順服丈夫：犧牲她個人的意志。
這種愛不應該只有表現一次，而是要一直持續下去，而且各個方面上表現出來。
我們沒有人是完美的，但神希望我們努力學習，
並展現出這種犧牲順服的精神。
若是夫妻
—兩個人成為了一體，
—卻不能彼此相愛，
他們怎麼能去愛別人呢？
Love is more than murmuring sweet nothings and giving gifts.
While these are expressions of love,
they do not capture its true significance.
Love is more than feelings and passion.
Once upon a time, your wife may have been the pretty young lady,
or your husband, the handsome knight.
But as time passes, when your young wife’s cute chatter
seems to have become your aging wife’s nagging,
or your young husband’s admirable decisiveness
seems to have become a cantankerous old man’s stubbornness,
will our love for our spouse remain unchanged?
愛不是僅僅是，言不及意甜言低語，以及相互饋贈禮物。
雖然這些都是表達愛的方式，
但這些作法並沒有抓住愛的真正含意。
愛不僅僅是感覺和激情。
曾幾何時，你的妻子可能是位漂亮的年輕女士，
而丈夫是個英俊瀟灑的騎士。
但隨著時間流逝，當年輕妻子的可愛碎碎唸，
似乎轉變成老太婆的嘮嘮叨叨，
或者年輕丈夫令人景仰的堅決果斷，
彷彿變成了壞脾氣糟老頭子的倔強頑固，
難道我們對配偶的愛，還會保持不變嗎？
As a couple, we would have experienced love at an emotional level in the early days,
when there was much passion.
But as we grow up and grow old together,
we discover that love is also about sacrifice,
and that we have much to learn in regards to bearing with each other and forgiving each other.
成為一對夫妻，一開始我們會體驗到情感層面的疼愛，
那時的愛伴隨著很多的激情。
但是隨著我們年紀逐漸增長，一起變老了，
就會發現，愛也是關係到付出犧牲，
並且發現到自已還有很多東西要學，例如關於如何相互包容和相互原諒。
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy;
love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
(1 Cor 13:4–8)
4愛是恆久忍耐，又有恩慈；愛是不嫉妒；愛是不自誇，不張狂，
5不做害羞的事，不求自己的益處，不輕易發怒，不計算人的惡，
6不喜歡不義，只喜歡真理；
7凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。
(林前 13：4-8)
This is the essence of God’s love.
Our Lord Jesus wants us to love others as He has loved us.
This type of love has to be learned.
Meeting the high standard of divine love requires effort,
but when we put it into action,
we will appreciate its preciousness.
Many waters cannot quench this type of love,
because its flames are not ignited by passion or desire,
but by the fire that is at the altar of God.
Feelings can diminish, but God’s love never fails.
這就是神愛的本質。
我們的主耶穌希望我們彼此相愛，就像祂先愛我們一樣。
這種愛是需要學習的。
要達到神愛的高標準需要付出努力，
但是當我們要付諸行動了
才會將欣賞它的珍貴。
再多的水都不能熄滅這種愛，
因為這種愛的熱情，不是被激情或慾望所點燃的，
而是藉著神祭壇上的火焰燃燒起來。
感覺可以漸漸變淡，但神的愛永遠不會停止。
Husbands and wives must understand God’s will and establish their love upon Him.
In this way, their love will grow over the years,
and they will enjoy its sweetness
(1 Cor 13:13).
丈夫和妻子必須明白神的旨意，並且以神來建立彼此相愛。
只有這種方式，他們的愛才會隨著歲月而增長，
並且享受這種愛的甜蜜。
(林前 13：13)
GOD’S NATURAL ORDER 神自然的命令
At creation,
the Lord God said,
“It is not good that man should be alone;
I will make him a helper comparable to him”
(Gen 2:18).
Creation was a process transforming imperfection to perfection.
This was especially true when God created a woman to help man.
What would cause marriage, a good God-established institution, to turn bad?
One reason is the failure of both parties to heed the word of God.
For example, if one is egotistical and the other wants control,
and both demand to have their own way,
then there will be turbulent times ahead.
A loving couple will develop into bitter enemies.
In public, they may attack each other covertly;
in private, they have no need to be subtle.
Cold wars and snide comments are par for the course.
To avoid such battles,
we need to obey the word of God
and return to the original state that God intended for man and woman.
When order is reinstated, there will be peace and tranquillity.
創造世界的時候，
18耶和華神說：那人獨居不好，我要為他造一個配偶幫助他。
(創 2：18)
創造是一個將不完美轉化為完美的過程。
由其是，當神創造女人來幫助男人的時候。
那麼，到底是什麼事，會導致婚姻，這個由神所建立的良好制度，變壞了？
其中的原因之一，就是雙方都沒有聽從神的話語。
例如，假如一個人很自負，但另一個人想要控制，
並且雙方都要求以自己的方式行事，
那麼，他們的未來將是動蕩不安的。
恩愛的夫妻有可能會發展成充滿仇恨的敵人。
公共場合上，他們可能會暗中互相攻擊；
但私底下，他們沒有必要刻薄對待。
冷戰和諷刺回應常是意料中的事。
要避免這樣的爭鬥，
我們需要遵守神的話語，
並回到神為男人和女人設定的原始狀態。
當秩序恢復的時候，就會有和平寧靜。
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is head of the wife,
as also Christ is head of the church;
and He is the Savior of the body.
(Eph 5:22–23)
22你們作妻子的，當順服自己的丈夫，如同順服主。
23因為丈夫是妻子的頭，如同基督是教會的頭；他又是教會全體的救主。
(弗 5：22-23)
This is the order established by God.
In the church, the Lord Jesus Christ is the head,
and we, as members, are expected to submit to Him.
At home, the husband is the head,
and the wife is expected to submit to him.
This is God’s will.
Some may think it unfair
—since God has joined man and woman together,
should there not be perfect equality?
However, being the head in a relationship does not mean authority but responsibility.
When problems arise, the husband is the one with the ultimate responsibility to deal with them.
The wife’s role is to be his helper
(Gen 2:18):
to share her opinions, and to offer advice and support,
but not to undermine or overrule him.
這是神所設立的秩序。
教會裡，主耶穌基督是元首，
而我們作為信徒，就應該順服祂。
在家裡，丈夫是帶領者，
妻子要順服他。
這就是神的旨意。
有些人可能會認為這樣很不公平，
—既然神把男人女人連結在一起，
難道不應該有完全平等的關係嗎？
然而，感情關係中擔任領導，並不意味著具有權威，而是一種責任。
當有問題出現的時候，丈夫最終是負責處理問題的人。
而妻子的角色是做他的幫手
(創 2：18)：
分享她的意見，並提供建議和支持，
但不是去危害壓制丈夫。
SEASONED SPEECH 語言合宜
Arguments are inevitable in any marriage.
They should be managed carefully so that they are not protracted,
as this gives a foothold to the devil
(Eph 4:26–27).
Mishandled, they may spiral out of control,
leading to physical violence or the call for divorce.
In business, when partners disagree,
they can go their separate ways;
but not in a marriage.
在任何婚姻中，爭吵都是難以避免的。
這些爭吵應該要小心處理，以免拖延出問題，
因此而給魔鬼留地步
（弗 4：26-27）。
若是處理不當，他們可能會惡化而失控，
以致於發生肢體暴力，或是提出離婚要求。
在商業場合中，若是夥伴意見不合的時候，
就可以各奔東西；
但是在婚姻裡不能這樣作。
There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,
But the tongue of the wise promotes health.
(Prov 12:18)
18說話浮躁的，如刀刺人；智慧人的舌頭卻為醫人的良藥。
(箴 12：18)
Words can either wound and cause death,
or they can heal the soul.
It is up to us.
In our marriage, will our words stir up hurt or love?
If we recall the days when we were deeply in love,
we would think nothing of telling our loved one how much we adore them.
But after our wedding, why do we find it so hard to say,
“I love you,” “thank you,” and “you look so beautiful (or handsome).”
And when things go wrong, why do we not say,
“‘I know it’s been hard for you,” or “sorry, it was my fault”?
These are simple words, which are like honey to the hearer.
We should not be grudging with kind words;
they will only enhance our relationship.
言語不只能傷人，也會致人於死，
又或者可以治癒人的靈魂。
這都取決於我們是怎麼說的。
在我們的婚姻中，我們講話會引起傷害，還是激盪出愛呢？
如果我們回憶一下，自已用情至深的日子裡，
我們不會想作任何事，只想對愛人傾訴，我們到底有多愛他們。
但是結婚之後，為什麼我們會很難談情說愛呢？，
“我愛你”、“謝謝你”和“你看起來真漂亮（或英俊）”。
當事情出問題了，我們為什麼不這麼說，
“‘我知道這對你來說很困難”，又或者說“對不起，這是我的錯”呢？
有一些簡單的詞句，會讓聽的人感覺很甜蜜。
我們不應該吝嗇說好話；
因為這會加強我們之間的關係。
It is easy to say hurtful words in the heat of the moment.
As spouses who have lived together for a long time,
we know which buttons to press.
However, it is worth remembering that arguments can escalate to the point of no return.
The lesson is that when we are angry, it is better to keep quiet.
Angry words are often irrational, and the hearer will remember them.
You cannot take your words back.
Indeed, when we are angry,
this is the time to exercise self-control.
一時興起說了話讓人受傷很容易。
作為夫妻，長期一起同居，
我們知道哪些按鈕是可以按的。
然而，要留心記住的是，爭吵可能會擴大到無可挽回的地步。
要學的教訓是，當我們生氣時，最好保持沉默。
憤怒的話語往往是沒有理性，而且聽到的人會記住很久。
你不能收回你說過的話。
是的，當我們生氣的時候，
那就是要鍛煉自我控制的時候。
More importantly, we must learn to forgive.
When we are in the right,
we are always tempted to gloat and penalize.
But remember all the times that our spouse has forgiven us when we were in the wrong.
It is now our turn to forgive.
True love does not keep a record of wrongs.
更重要的是，我們必須學會原諒。
當我們是正確的一方，
就會想要幸災樂禍，施加懲罰。
但請無時無刻記住，當我們犯錯時，配偶已經原諒我們了。
現在輪到我們給對方原諒。
真愛是不會記錄錯誤念念不忘的。
CONCLUSION 結論
The wedding ceremony is the beginning of a new life together with our beloved.
For a beautiful wedding to develop into a wonderful marriage,
we must have a new mindset.
Life is no longer about expecting love,
but about giving it.
Before marriage, we would have been showered with love from our parents and relatives.
After marriage, it is our turn to give love.
In the past, we may not have had much responsibility,
but now we must be prepared to shoulder great responsibilities.
Previously, we may have expected things from others, or we gave conditionally,
but now there is someone in our life to whom we should give willingly and unconditionally.
婚禮是與我們的心愛之人，一起新生活的開端。
要把美妙的婚禮，開展成美好的婚姻，
就必須抱持新的心態。
生活不再是期待愛情，
而是要給予對方愛情。
婚前，我們一直沐浴於父母親戚的關愛。
婚後，就輪到我們付出對別人的關愛了。
過去，我們可能不需要負擔太多的責任，
但現在，我們必須準備好，承擔重大責任。
以前，我們可能對別人有所期待，或者有條件的付出，
但現在，生命中總會有一個人，我們應該心甘情願、無條件地付出。
Many parents give to their children without conditions,
even if it means tightening their belts.
This type of love comes from maturity
and has the power to touch the heart of others.
When God created man, He gave us the gift of love, embedding it in our nature.
We thus have the ability to dispense and to receive love
—a balance that cannot be lacking in a couple’s life.
Let us rekindle the love we once have,
and allow it to flourish unto maturity.
As marriage is instituted by God,
let no man separate.
很多家長不求回報地付出給孩子，
即使這代表了，要勒緊他們的褲腰帶。
這種愛來自長大成熟，
且具有觸動別人心靈的力量。
當神創造人類的時候，祂給了我們愛作為禮物，將愛深植於我們的本性之中。
因此，我們有能力付出關愛及接受別人疼愛，
—在夫妻生活中，是不可或缺的平衡。
讓我們重燃曾經擁有的愛火，
並讓愛能夠蓬勃發展，直到長大成熟。
因為婚姻是神所設立的，
不要讓任何人分開你們。
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
歡迎主內同靈來信加入翻譯
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