10. Manna issue 62 - Important Steps in Building My Marriage 設立婚姻的重要步驟
Patricia Chen—Irvine, California, USA 美國加州爾灣
My husband and I just celebrated our sixteenth wedding anniversary.
For those who are just thinking about getting married,
that is a huge milestone.
Compared with couples of my parents’ generation,
we still have a ways to go before we celebrate our fiftieth.
我和我先生剛剛慶祝了我們結婚十六週年紀念日。
對於那些剛考慮結婚的人來說，
這是一個巨大的里程碑。
若與我父母那一代的夫婦相比，
在我們慶祝五十週年之前，我們還有很長的路要走。
Even though sixteen years sounds like a long time,
it doesn’t seem that long ago when my husband and I were engaged.
We were engaged in January and married in July of the same year.
The six months of engagement were very important
because that was a precious time of not just planning for the day of the wedding
but also preparing ourselves to spend the rest of our lives with one another.
雖然十六年聽起來時間很長，
而我和丈夫訂婚的時日似乎沒有很久。
我們在一月訂婚，在同年七月結婚。
六個月的訂婚是非常的重要，
因為那是一段寶貴的時間，不僅僅是規劃婚禮當日的活動，
同時也是準備好與彼此共度此生的準備。
Looking back at my personal journey,
I notice that there were significant steps
that we took both during engagement and marriage
that were meaningful and helpful in building our marriage.
These steps came about from understanding what marriage really involves.
回顧我個人的旅程，
我注意到有一些重要的步驟，
是我們在訂婚和結婚期間所採用的，
那是對於建立我們婚姻具有意義且有幫助的。
這些步驟源自於了解婚姻真正涉及的內容。
Yet, knowing important principles and teachings in the Bible related to marriage
didn’t automatically translate into us becoming the perfect husband and wife.
There were many lessons we had to learn
—and are still learning
—in reality.
然而，了解聖經與婚姻有關的的重要原則和教導，
事情並不會自動轉化我們成為完美的丈夫和妻子。
我們有很多課程需要學習，
—並且仍在學習中，
—在現實中。
A LIFELONG COMMITMENT 終生承諾
“So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
(Mt 19:6)
“6既然如此，夫妻不再是兩個人，乃是一體的了。
所以，神配合的，人不可分開。”
（太 19:6）
God planned from the beginning that marriage should last a lifetime.
If a lifelong commitment is not the foundation on which we build our marriage,
then it won’t be long until cracks appear in our relationship.
Marriage needs to be based on a covenant of commitment and love.
神從一開始就計劃婚姻要持續一輩子。
如果終生的承諾，不是我們建立婚姻的基礎，
那麼用不了多久，我們的關係就會出現裂痕。
婚姻需要建立在承諾和愛的盟約基礎上。
After my husband and I were introduced,
even before we got engaged,
we talked about this commitment.
We both understood that married couples must confront adversity and crises
that can knock both husband and wife off their feet.
It could be an illness, financial trouble, an accident, or a failure
that leads to losing respect for one another.
How would we handle such problems?
我和丈夫介紹之後，
甚至在我們訂婚之前，
我們討論了這項承諾。
我們兩個都明白，夫妻必須面對苦難與危機，
這會擊倒丈夫和妻子站立之地。
那可能是疾病、經濟困難、意外或失敗，
那會導致彼此失去尊重。
我們該如何處理這樣的問題呢？
We decided that we had to enter marriage with the conviction
that we would never consider, even for a moment, divorce or do anything
that would jeopardize our hope of entering heaven.
We knew that marriage was a commitment
that called us to continually put the other’s needs above our own,
to forgive the other’s mistakes,
and to always pray for God’s strength to go through tough times together.
我們決定，必須帶著這種確信走進婚姻，
就是我們永遠不會考慮，即使只有片刻，想要去離婚或做任何事情，
那會危及我們進入天國的盼望。
我們知道婚姻是一種承諾，
會要求我們不斷地將他人的需求，置於自己的需求之上，
去原諒別人的錯誤，
並且常常祈求神賜予力量，能夠一起度過困難的時期。
In a marriage, we all need to have this determination.
Maintaining the relationship
is not based on whether the wife or the husband remains a certain way or looks a certain way.
It is not conditional on the couple’s joy or sex life.
A Christian marriage is founded on commitment to one another.
在婚姻中，我們都需要有這樣的決心。
維持這種關係，
並不是基於妻子或丈夫，有沒有保持某種方式，或維持某種觀念。
它不以夫妻的喜樂或性生活為前題。
基督徒的婚姻是建立在對彼此的承諾的基礎上的。
There are times when a husband and wife don’t enjoy each other.
Maybe your spouse has let you down,
or you get into a fight and the relationship stalls.
有很多次，丈夫和妻子不喜歡對方。
或許你的配偶讓你失望，
或者你們開始吵架，這段關係就陷入了僵局。
What is important, however, is whether or not you still accept your spouse
despite his or her flaws.
These daily or weekly irritants,
if not dealt with, can bring tremendous damage to the marriage.
然而，重要的是，你是否仍然接受你的配偶，
儘管他或她有缺點。
這些每天或每週的刺激，
如果不去處理，會給婚姻帶來巨大的傷害。
Remember, even minor irritations often cause pain in a marriage.
Therefore, we should humbly ask God to help us,
asking the Holy Spirit to anoint us with grace and wisdom.
If we stay committed to God’s teaching,
our marriage will hold steady through all circumstances.
Commitment becomes more powerful than our circumstances or moods.
請記住，即使是微小的激怒，也常會給婚姻帶來痛苦。
因此，我們應該謙卑求神幫助我們，
祈求聖靈以恩典和智慧恩膏我們。
如果我們堅守神的教導，
我們的婚姻在任何情況下都會保守穩固。
承諾就變得比我們的環境或情緒更有力量。
This is why Jesus Christ has to be part of the marriage.
God has to be the foundation, for the unshakable truth of God’s word holds a marriage together.
Even though we may face hardships or heavy pressures in life,
the marriage will grow stronger
because committing to one another and to God nurtures lasting love.
這就是為什麼，耶穌基督必須成為婚姻的一部分。
神必須是基礎，讓神話語不可動搖的真理來維繫著婚姻。
儘管生活中，我們可能會遇到困難，或是沉重的壓力，
婚姻將會更加牢固，
因為對彼此和對神的承諾，可以培養恆久的愛。
Just as God has made an unconditional covenant with us,
He calls us to make such a commitment in our marriage:
正如神與我們所立下沒有條件的盟約一樣，
祂呼籲我們在婚姻中做出這樣的承諾：
“I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In loving kindness and mercy;
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the LORD.”
(Hos 2:19, 20)
“19我必聘你永遠歸我為妻，
以仁義、公平、慈愛、憐憫聘你歸我；
20也以誠實聘你歸我，
你就必認識我─耶和華。”
（何 2：19，20）
When we say our vows before the Lord, we take on the covenant of marriage.
This promise of lifelong commitment is made before the congregation and God.
Those who have been married for many years
still need to consciously commit to each other on a regular basis.
When we focus on our commitment to each other, it broadens our life.
當我們在主面前許下誓言時，我們就承受了婚姻之約。
這項終身承諾的應許，是在會眾和神面前立下的。
那些結婚多年的人，
仍然需要定期有意識的相互承諾。
當我們注重對彼此的承諾時，我們生命就會更加寬廣。
A lifelong love story is deliberate.
It is intentional.
It is a choice to look ahead and not back.
A healthy marriage doesn’t happen by accident
—it is a result of the daily choice to obey God’s teachings about marriage.
一生的愛情故事是經過深思熟慮小心維護的。
這是刻意為之的。
這是一個向前看而不是向後看的選擇。
健康的婚姻並非偶然發生的，
—這是一個每天選擇遵守神關於婚姻教導的結果。
GROWING TOGETHER SPIRITUALLY 靈性一起成長
As I got to know my husband better before marriage,
I discovered he had qualities that I adored,
which were also qualities that I frankly didn’t have.
I found him more attractive and more intelligent as our relationship developed
and we got to know each other better.
When I was around him, I felt more complete,
and we simply couldn’t wait to see each other.
婚前我對老公有了更多的了解，
我發現他身上有我喜歡的特質，
坦白說，這也是我所不具備的特質。
隨著我們關係的速進展，我發現他變得更有吸引力、更聰明，
我們更加了解彼此。
當我在他身邊時，我感到更加完整，
我們就是迫不及待的想見到對方。
We set aside a time to pray each day and read the Bible,
and I looked up to him as a spiritual leader,
even without him knowing it.
One day, when we were talking over the phone,
my husband started sharing his shortcomings, fears, and doubts about certain matters.
As I listened, I validated his feelings and actually felt closer to him.
我們每天留出時間禱告和讀經，
我敬重他是屬靈的領袖，
即使他不知道這件事。
有一天，當我們通電話的時候，
我先生開始分享自已有關某些事情的缺點、恐懼和疑慮。
當我傾聽時，我確認了他的感受，並且實際感覺更親近他。
Although I had not expressed my concerns to him,
I also had worries about embracing a life together
and dealing with problems that could arise in the future.
I really liked my husband’s initiation in establishing an “us” approach,
where both of us contributed to the relationship and were willing to share everything.
雖然我沒有表達自已會擔憂他，
我也會擔心要如何一起擁抱生活，
以及處理未來可能出現的問題。
我真的很喜歡老公主動提出建立「我們一起」的方式，
我們雙方都為這段關係付出，並且願意分享一切。
Since he was so willing to open up about his feelings,
we started talking about how to handle tough times together.
This conversation made me feel connected to him on a more intimate level.
既然他如此願意敞開心扉，
我們開始討論要如何一起度過困難的時期。
這次的談話讓我覺得與他的連結更加親密。
Intimacy often refers to the physical relationship,
but it actually means communication and closeness at the deepest level.
When a couple experiences mental, spiritual, and emotional intimacy,
not only does it reduce loneliness and self-centeredness,
it really strengthens their lives.
Such closeness needs to be cultivated
moment by moment, day by day, month by month, year by year.
親密關係通常指的是肉體的關係，
但是它實際代表了最深層的溝通和親密。
當夫妻體驗到心智上、屬靈上和情感上的親密感時，
它不僅可以減少孤獨感，和自我中心思想，
這確實會強化他們的生命。
這種親密關係需要加以培養，
時時刻刻，日復一日，月復一月，年復一年。
We naturally assume that if we let our future spouse see our weaknesses,
they won’t like us anymore.
The fact is that we are all imperfect and emotional human beings.
But it is our imperfections and our willingness to share our deepest feelings
that draw us closer to each other.
我們自然會認為，如果我們讓未來配偶看到自已的弱點，
他們就不會再喜歡我們了。
事實上，我們都是不完美，且會情緒化的人。
但就是我們的不完美，和我們願意分享自已最深的情感，
而使我們彼此更加親近。
When we share our weaknesses with each other and how we need each other’s prayer,
when we confess our faults to each other,
when we share a part of ourselves that we are confused about or are ashamed of,
we take intimacy to a new depth.
Reaching this stage requires that we be humble and accepting of one another.
當我們彼此分享自已的弱點，以及我們如何需要彼此的代禱時，
當我們互相承認自己的錯誤時，
當我們分享自己都感到困惑，或是都感到會羞恥的那一部分時，
我們將親密關係帶到了一個新的深度。
要達到這一階段，需要我們能蜩謙虛，並互相接受。
Some couples talk, but they sugarcoat or camouflage their true selves
so that they present someone completely different.
This is not healthy.
No one can keep the act going forever.
It is important to be yourself, instead of trying to hide behind a mask.
有些夫妻會聊天，但他們會粉飾或偽裝真實的自己，
所以他們所呈現出的，是完全不同的人。
這樣並不健康。
沒有人能保持這種行為永遠持續下去。
做自己是很重要的，而不是試圖躲在面具之後。
We should not try to impress our future spouse by concealing who we are.
It says in Romans 12:9,
“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.”
If we want a lasting and deep marriage,
we must remove any disguises as fully as possible.
我們不應該透過隱瞞自己的本性，給未來的配偶嚇到。
羅馬書 12 章 9 節說，
“9愛人不可虛假；惡要厭惡，善要親近。”
如果我們想要一段恆久且深入的婚姻，
我們必須盡可能徹底移除任何偽裝。
In marriage, honesty about who we are makes our connection real.
It makes our need for God real,
and it forces us to draw more spiritual strength from our heavenly Father.
He will equip us with His strength.
When we pray for each other’s spiritual growth,
we are demonstrating God’s love in a powerful way.
在婚姻中，坦誠自己的本性會使我們的連結更真實。
它會使我們真正需要神，
它迫使我們從天父那裡汲取更多的屬靈力量。
他會以祂的力量來裝備我們。
當我們為了彼此的靈性成長而禱告時，
我們正在以強力的方式來展現神的慈愛。
WORKING THROUGH ISSUES TOGETHER 一起解決困難
There is no doubt that marriage is full of challenges.
There are issues at predictable developmental stages,
and there are issues that result from the unpredictabilities of life.
毫無疑問，婚姻充滿了挑戰。
在可預測發展的階段時，會有很多問題，
還會因為生活的不可預測性，而產生一些問題。
On top of that, there are values that need to be re-evaluated.
There are struggles that need to be overcome.
There are conflicts that need to be resolved.
Many adjustments must be made.
Marriage is indeed a people-maturing machine.
最重要的是，有些價值觀需要重新評估。
有一些困難需要去克服。
有一些衝突需要去解決。
必須進行許多調整。
婚姻確實是一部使人成熟的機器。
We have to be prepared to take on these difficulties together
even before getting married.
In the course of engagement,
you may be asked to face something you didn’t expect.
When you hear your fiance’s honesty, you may have conflicting emotions
—you care for him but are overwhelmed by what he’s saying.
It can be unsettling.
我們必須做好共同應對這些困難的準備，
即使在結婚之前。
在交往的過程中，
你可能會受迫去面對一些你沒有預料到的事情。
當你聽到未婚配偶的誠實事蹟時，你可能會有矛盾的情緒，
—你很關心他，但對他所說的話而感到不知所措。
這可能會令人不安。
At this point, you really only have one choice
—to kneel down in front of God
and ask Him to give you the wisdom to discover solutions,
find godly guidance, and decide as a couple how to resolve this issue.
在此時刻，你真的只有一個選擇，
—跪在神面前，
並求祂給你智慧，去找出解決方案，
尋求神的帶領，並以夫妻的身份，去共同決定如何解決這個問題。
It is important to work together.
Sometimes, when a couple has a disagreement,
one person will try to force the other to accept his or her views.
This attitude is not about true love but about having power and control.
共同努力是很重要的。
有時候，當夫妻之間竟見不合之時，
有一方會試圖強迫另一人去接受他或她的觀點。
這種態度並不涉及真愛，而是有關擁有的權力和支配。
Other couples will prefer to withdraw and not deal with the issues.
As a result, the relationship will die as they become emotionally divorced.
其他夫妻會選擇退後，而不去處理問題。
結果，他們在情感上離婚時，這種關係就會死去。
Many couples find it hard to love and respect their spouse
because they have checked out of the marriage mentally and emotionally.
When encountering difficulties, it’s important not to lose yourself.
Instead of pressuring each other or avoiding the problem,
work things out by communicating and listening to each other,
putting the issue in prayer, and coming up with a solution together.
許多夫妻發現很難去愛及尊重自已的配偶，
因為他們在精神上和情感上，已經斤斤計較過婚姻的狀況。
遇到困難的時候，重要的是不要迷失自己。
與其互相施壓，或是迴避問題，
透過相互溝通和傾聽來解決問題，
將問題放在禱告中，並且共同提出解決方案。
I have learned that it is seldom God’s will for me
to run from a difficult situation.
If I don’t learn in one area,
God just gives me another chance to learn somewhere else.
Ignoring a problem won’t make it disappear.
It only gets worse.
我已經明白，這很少是神給我的旨意，
去逃離困境。
如果我在某一領域沒有學會，
神就會再給我一次機會，去別的地方學習。
忽略問題並不會讓問題消失。
情況只會變得更糟。
I remember my husband and I had moments
when we faced difficult patches in our relationship.
As we surrendered to God’s guidance and brought everything to Him,
it really forced us to grow even more spiritually.
Even though some issues took time to resolve,
we kept our faith and trusted in God.
我記得自已和先生有過這樣的時刻，
當我們的關係遇到困難時刻。
當我們順服於神的指引，並將一切帶到祂面前時，
它確實逼使我們屬靈上更加成長。
儘管有些問題需要時間來解決，
我們會保持信心，並且信靠神。
God has much to teach us when we work through issues.
Instead of being torn apart as a couple,
we need to come together as a team to face whatever life sends us.
We can’t have moments claiming
“This is your problem, not mine,”
but must find the best solution together.
當我們解決問題時，神有很多事情可以教導我們。
而不是以夫婦的身份而拆分，
我們需要以團隊的身份聯合起來，來面對生活帶到我們面前的一切。
我們不能有片刻吼叫，
“這是你的問題，不是我的問題”
而必須共同找到最佳解決方法。
My husband and I came out of crises and issues stronger both individually and as a team.
We also discovered that
both of us respected and valued each other so much more
after overcoming these difficulties.
我和丈夫走出了危機和困難，無論以個人還是以團隊來面對，都很困難。
我們也發現
我們兩人都彼此很尊重和珍惜對方，
在克服這些困難之後。
A relationship gains deeper strength
when it is stretched to the breaking point and doesn’t break.
Indeed, many couples who have come to a mutually agreeable solution
not only glorify God but also benefit each other.
關係變得更加強韌，
當它被拉伸到斷裂點，而並不斷裂之時。
事實上，許多夫妻都已經達成了雙方同意的解決方案，
這樣不僅榮耀神，而且彼此受益。
UNDERSTANDING OUR ROLES 了解自已的角色
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself,
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(Eph 5:33)
33然而，你們各人都當愛妻子，如同愛自己一樣。
妻子也當敬重他的丈夫。
（弗 5：33）
A Husband’s Role 丈夫的角色
The Bible says that the husband is the head of the wife
(Eph 5:23).
Here, and in the verses following,
the apostle Paul charges all husbands with a loving leadership of their wives.
But being the head does not mean being bossy and throwing around authority.
聖經說，23因為丈夫是妻子的頭，
（弗 5：23）。
在此，以及下面的經文中，
使徒保羅囑咐所有的丈夫，要以愛心來帶領他們的妻子。
但擔任領導者，並不代表了很專制和濫用權威。
A husband’s love for his wife has to be so strong that he is willing to die to save her,
just as Christ loved the church!
It means that the wife is looking to the husband
to sacrifice his own comfort and convenience
and make decisions on what is best for the family.
丈夫對妻子的愛心，必須要很強烈，直到他願意用死來救她，
正如基督疼愛教會！
這代表了妻子正在尋找丈夫，
來犧牲自己的舒適與方便，
並且做出對家庭最有利的決定。
My husband knows that I constantly depend on him
to lead me with his character and strength.
Because he is the head,
I look to him to back me up in all areas of married life.
I am going to look to him for leadership
when hard decisions about career, having kids, parenting, or other issues arise.
Most of all, I am going to look to him to set the pace spiritually.
我先生知道自已一直很依賴他，
用他的性格和力量帶領我。
因為他是領導者，
我期待他在婚姻生活的各方面支撐著我。
我將會尋求他的領導力，
當出現職業、生育、撫養或其他問題的艱難的決定出現時。
最重要的是，我將要指望他在屬靈上邁出步伐。
I never once met a wife
who had a problem with her husband being a spiritual leader of their home,
where the husband was really laying down his life for her,
looking out for her needs, and meeting those needs.
But I have met many wives who struggled with husbands
who weren’t spiritually leading their homes,
who weren’t laying down their lives and loving their wives like how Christ loves the church.
我從未見過有任何一位妻子，
因為對她丈夫作為他們家屬靈的領袖而產生問題，
丈夫真的為她獻出了自己的生命，
關注她的需求，並且滿足這些需求。
但我卻見過很多與丈夫博鬥的妻子
因為丈夫在屬靈上無法領導自己的家，
因為丈夫沒有像基督愛教會那樣，犧牲自己的生命去疼愛自己的妻子。
It’s important to remember that God charges husbands to be the spiritual leader,
to love and die for their wives.
This is the kind of leader wives want and need.
This is the divine plan from God.
重要的是要記住，神命令丈夫成為屬靈的領袖，
要為愛妻子而死。
這就是很多妻子想要和需要的那種領導者。
這是來自於神的神聖計劃。
“For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him,
that they keep the way of the LORD.”
(Gen 18:19)
“19我眷顧他，為要叫他吩咐他的眾子和他的眷屬遵守我的道。”
（創 18：19）
It is essential to the spiritual health of the children and wife
to have the husband set up the family’s devotion time.
In my family, even though my husband may sometimes be tired from work,
he still continues the routine
he established of reading the Bible and praying together as a family.
It is a blessing for our child
to see his father setting a good example in a family’s spiritual life.
這對子女和妻子的靈性健康至關重要，
讓丈夫設立家庭的事奉時間。
在我的家裡，儘管我丈夫有時可能會因為工作而感到疲倦，
他仍然繼續日常貫例，
他建立了整個家庭一起閱讀聖經和祈禱的習慣。
這是對我們子女的祝福，
可以看到他父親在家庭的屬靈生活中樹立了良好的榜樣。
A Wife’s Role 妻子的角色
While the husband’s role is to love his wife unconditionally and die for her,
the wife’s role is to submit and respect her husband in all circumstances.
Many sisters cringe when they hear “submit.”
They ask, “Why should women be inferior to men?
Why should I follow his preferences?
Does that mean if I questioned anything,
I would be viewed as not submissive?
Is submission the only way to ensure a blessed marriage?”
雖然丈夫的角色就是要無條件的關愛妻子，並且為她而死，
妻子的角色就是在任何情況下，都要服從和尊重丈夫。
許多姊妹一聽到“順服”就厭惡。
他們會問：“為什麼女人不如男人呢？
我為什麼要遵循他的喜好呢？
這是否就代表，如果我有任何質疑，
我就會被視為是不順從嗎？
順服是否就是確保婚姻幸福的唯一方法嗎？”
Being submissive does not mean wives are not allowed to speak up or give their perspective.
It does not mean being the lesser of the two.
Husbands are not called to treat their wives like a child,
and wives are not called to be their husbands’ clone.
Husbands are not the only decision maker in the family.
順從並不代表，妻子不被允許出聲，或是發表自己的觀點。
這並不代表，她成為兩者中較弱勢的一方。
丈夫並不是被要求，要像對待孩子一樣對待妻子，
妻子並不是被叫來，成為丈夫的複製人。
丈夫並不是家中唯一的決策者。
Being submissive means respecting the husband and taking his lead.
When difficulties arise,
it may mean yielding to and being understanding of the husband’s decisions,
despite having a different view.
A wife needs to fully believe in her husband and be confident in his leadership.
順服意味著尊重丈夫，並接受他的領導。
當困難出現的時候，
這可能代表可以讓步，並可以理解丈夫的決定，
儘管有不同的看法。
妻子需要充分相信丈夫，並且對於他的領導能力有信心。
I feel that as a wife, I should take on the role of an encourager.
I tell myself that each day, I need to be ready to comfort, not criticize, my husband.
I need to speak words of encouragement and give him emotional nourishment.
It’s one of the reasons why a husband needs his wife’s respect and support.
我覺得身為妻子，自已應該要承擔好鼓勵者的角色。
我每天告訴自己，我需要準備好安慰我的丈夫，而不是批評他。
我應說一些鼓勵的話，給予他情感上的滋潤。
這也就是為什麼，丈夫需要妻子尊重和支持的原因之一。
As I strive to make God the center of my life, I also pray daily,
“Please be the head of my husband.
I usher him to You on a daily basis so that You will lead him and speak to him today.”
當我努力讓神成為我生活的中心時，我也每天禱告，
“請成為我丈夫的領導者。
我每天都會把他引導到你面前，這樣你今天就能帶領他，並與他說話。”
Imagine a wife who speaks words of wisdom and encouragement to her husband.
It will be like pouring sunshine, water, and nutrients on a plant.
When the husband feels encouraged and respected, he will continue to bloom and grow.
This is because the wife is not trying to change her husband,
but she loves and respects her husband through God.
想像一下，有一位妻子對丈夫說出智慧和鼓勵的話語。
這就像澆灌陽光、水和養分在植物上一樣。
當丈夫感到受到鼓勵和尊重時，他就會不斷綻放和成長。
這就是因為妻子沒有想要改變丈夫，
但她透過神關愛並尊重她的丈夫。
Likewise, husbands also need to do the same for their wives.
We have the power to bring life by giving encouragement to each other.
同樣，丈夫也需要為妻子做同樣的事情。
我們有能力透過互相鼓勵來帶來生命。
God’s love flows to the husband
as the wife offers words that encourage, affirm, and build him up
as he grows closer in his relationship with God and with her.
This is very precious in a marriage.
When a wife truly respects and loves her husband,
this is when they can be “heirs of the gracious gifts of life
—so that nothing may hinder [their] prayers”
(1 Pet 3:7).
神的慈愛流向丈夫，
當妻子說出鼓勵，肯定的話語，並增強他的信心，
隨著他與神和妻子的關係越來越親密。
在婚姻中這是非常珍貴的。
當妻子真正尊重及疼愛丈夫時，
這是他們可以成為“生命恩賜的繼承者，
—7這樣，便叫你們的禱告沒有阻礙”的時刻
（彼前 3：7）。
SHARING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS 分享實際的期盼
Having unreasonable and unrealistic expectations
will cause a lot of harm in a marriage.
So what can we do to avoid this?
First,
we must list our expectations and examine them at the beginning of marriage.
Be completely honest with your spouse.
Share and clarify what they are.
懷抱不合理和不切實際的期望，
會給婚姻帶來很多的傷害。
那我們可以做什麼事，來避免這種情況呢？
第一，
我們必須列出自已的期望，並婚姻之初好好檢視。
要對你的配偶完全誠實。
分享並澄清它們是什麼。
Marriage is a real eye-opener.
Once you get specific with your spouse about your expectations,
you will discover that both of you have different opinions, thoughts, and habits.
Remember, your wife or your husband is human,
which makes that person unique and imperfect.
Therefore, we need to give up unrealistic expectations.
If not, they will only lead us to frustration and more disappointment.
婚姻真是讓人大開眼界。
一旦你弄清楚配偶對你的期望，
你會發現，你們兩人有不同的觀點、想法和習慣。
請記住，你的妻子或丈夫也是人，
這會使這個人成為獨一無二，而且並不完美。
因此，我們需要放棄不切實際的期望。
否則，它們只會使我們感到沮喪，及帶來更多的失望。
Here are some examples of unrealistic expectations:
以下是一些不切實際期望的例子：
·We will never have disagreements because we love one another.
·我們永遠不會意見不合，因為我們彼此相愛。
·If you truly love me, you will never criticize me.
·如果你真的愛我，你就永遠不會批評我。
·My needs are always the most important.
I will not need to verbally share my needs with you if you truly love me.
You should know my needs.
·我的需求永遠是最重要的。
如果你真的愛我，我不會需要口頭與你分享我的需求。
你應該知道我的需求。
We cannot demand or force love from others.
In a healthy marriage, there is constant communication and accommodation of one another.
We need to respond to each other’s needs
even if they are not the same as ours.
我們不能要求或強迫別人去愛。
在健康的婚姻中，彼此不斷地有溝通包容。
我們需要回應彼此的需求，
甚至如果這些需求和我們所要的有所不同。
Sharing our expectations, whether unrealistic or not, brings us to reflect,
“Am I placing demands on my spouse?
How are my expectations affecting my spouse?
What can I do in order to improve our marriage?”
分享我們的期望，無論是否不切實際，都會讓我們可以反省，
「我有沒有強力要求配偶呢？
我的期望有沒有影響到配偶呢？
我能做些什麼事，來改善自已的婚姻呢？”
Marriage requires maturity,
and that means both spouses need to face reality, abandon unrealistic expectations,
and work on being transformed by God’s teaching and His love.
This requires character, maturity, self-restraint, and humility.
婚姻需要成熟，
這代表了，夫妻雙方都需要面對現實，放棄不切實際的期望，
並努力因著神的教導和慈愛而有所改變。
這需要有品格、成熟、自我克制和謙卑。
We shouldn’t drive our spouse away from us,
but draw our lover close to our heart.
We must be willing to adjust and re-adjust our position to accommodate our spouse.
我們不應該把自已的配偶趕走，
而是把自已的愛人拉近自已的內心。
我們必須有意願，調整再調自已的立場，以顧及配偶。
Once we surrender to God, His love will flow through our marriage.
Fears, demands, and differences will diminish.
一旦我們順服神，祂的慈愛就會流淌在我們的婚姻之中。
恐懼、命令和意見不合都會減少。
There is no doubt
that marriage takes enormous amounts of love, energy, courage, and determination.
As long as we keep our love story intentional,
we can feel we are the apple of our spouse’s eye.
After all, who doesn’t love being loved?
We can definitely experience that in a marriage.
毫無疑問的，
婚姻需要大量的愛心、精力、勇氣和決心。
只要我們刻意守護自已的愛情故事，
我們可以感到，自己是配偶的心肝寶貝。
畢竟，誰不喜歡被疼愛呢？
我們絕對可以在婚姻之中體驗到這一點。
After sixteen years of marriage,
I can honestly say that my husband and I have a much deeper, more mature love
than on our wedding day.
We have worked through difficult moments,
and I truly feel that he loves me, believes in me, fights for me,
and encourages me to see myself through the word of God.
He opens me up to grow, to learn, and even to change.
I feel loved every day.
結婚十六年之後，
我可以誠實的說，我和先生的愛情更深、更成熟了，
比起我們結婚那天更深入。
我們一起度過了艱難的時刻，
我真的感受到他愛著我、相信我、為我而戰，
並鼓勵我透過神的話語來審視自己。
他敞開了我的心扉，讓我成長、學習，甚至得到改變。
我每天都感受到被寵愛。
To be able to share the rest of your life with the one you love
and to seek after God with an ever-deepening understanding is the crowning glory of marriage.
To be able to intentionally nurture the inner spiritual life in a marriage
will give you a greater sense of purpose and meaning.
能夠與自已所愛之人共渡分享餘生，
以不斷加深的理解來尋求神，就是婚姻至高無上的榮耀。
能夠在婚姻中，專注培養內在的屬靈生命，
會給你更大的目標感和意義。
Husbands and wives are not meant to depend solely on each other
—God must be the head of the family.
As we invite God into our marriage,
we can definitely experience all the promises in the Bible
—love, joy, peace, protection, provisions, deliverance and many more!
丈夫和妻子不只應該互相依賴，
—神必須是一家之主。
當我們邀請神進入自已的婚姻時，
我們絕對可以體驗到聖經所有的應許，
—寵愛，歡樂，平安，保護，預備，拯救等等！
All glory to our Lord Jesus Christ!
願一切榮耀歸於我們的主耶穌基督！
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
歡迎主內同靈來信加入翻譯
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