3. Manna issue 60 - Finding New Life Through God 通過神尋找新生命
No longer the black sheep. 不再是黑羊
Judyanna Chen—Vancouver, Canada 加拿大溫哥華
A WILD PAST 狂野的過去
I am a Christian today because of God’s love.
I believe He chose me when I was in my rebellious stage,
when I was the most undeserving, to show me how much He loves me.
我今天能成為基督徒，是因為神的慈愛。
我相信祂在我叛逆的階段就選擇了我，
在我最不配的時候，向我表示了祂有多麼愛我。
When I was in grade five,
my family moved from Calgary to a small town
just forty-five minutes away from the city and opened a restaurant there.
My mom hired more workers during Saturdays
so that she could drive me and my siblings to the city
for Chinese school, swimming lessons, piano lessons, art lessons, and other activities.
當我五年級的時候，
我家從卡加利搬到了一座小鎮，
只離市中心四十五分鐘車程，在那裡開了一家餐廳。
在週六的時候，我媽媽僱用了更多的工人，
這樣她就可以開車帶我和我手足到城鄉，
去上中文學校，游泳課，鋼琴課，美術課和其他活動。
During my teenage years I continued to attend Chinese school on Saturdays.
When my mom dropped my siblings and me off for Chinese school,
I often sneaked out with my friend and roamed around downtown and Chinatown.
We joined other friends and hung out.
在我青少年的時候， 還繼續週六上中文學校。
當我媽媽會把我和我手足送到中文學校後，
我經常會和朋友偷溜出去，在市中心和唐人街附近閒逛。
我們會與其他朋友合會，一起玩耍。
For fun we stole cars for joy rides or weekend trips,
partied and drank, vandalized, stole anything we could, and did drugs.
為了好玩，我們會偷車去兜風或週末旅行，
參加派對，飲酒，壞公物，偷盜我們能碰到的任何物品，並還吸毒。
We fought often, both physically and verbally,
within our group and with other groups of people we knew.
There was a lot of violence, betrayal, anger, false friendships, jealousy, and lies.
我們經常打架，無論是肢體還是口頭爭鬥，
不僅在我們團體內，還有我們認識的其他團體。
其中充滿了暴力，背叛，憤怒，虛假的友誼，嫉妒和謊言。
My family was really worried about me during this time
because they knew I had bad friends
but didn’t know what I was up to all the time.
在這段時間裡，我家人非常的擔心我，
因為他們知道我交了壞朋友，
但卻不知道我一直都在做些什麼事。
In our family of four children,
I was the middle child and often referred to as the troublemaker.
Ever since I was young, I was left out by my siblings
because I was different from them.
I was not obedient like them,
nor did I like to study or help out around the house.
Instead, I drew closer to my friends
and became more distant from my family.
在我們四個孩子的家庭中，
我是中間的小孩，被認為經常惹事生非。
自小開始，我就常被手足排擠，
因為我跟他們不一樣。
我不像他們那樣聽話，
也不喜歡學習或幫忙做家務。
相反的，我更親近自已的朋友，
與家人的距離卻越來越遠。
I would argue with my mom and yell at her
until she thought she was going crazy.
There was one time she ran home from work
and started to drink whiskey straight from the bottle.
Even though my mom didn’t drink,
she was so upset and angry with me that she would rather die.
My dad was a quiet man and didn’t say much,
but I knew from my siblings that he had given up on me
and had in fact disowned me.
我會與媽媽爭吵，對她吼叫，
直到她覺得自己快要瘋了。
有一次，她從工作跑回家，
開始喝威士忌一整瓶。
雖然我媽媽過去不喝酒，
但她因為對我感到很沮喪與憤怒，就寧願去死。
我父親是一個沉默寡言的人，並且很少說話，
但我從手足那裡得知，他已經對我絕望，
甚至事實上已經與我斷絕關係。
MEETING CALVIN 遇見 Calvin
I continued living a wild and dangerous life
with bad influences throughout high school.
My senior year, I celebrated my seventeenth birthday with a barbeque at a park.
In the large group of people who gathered,
I met someone named Calvin.
我繼續過著放縱且危險的生活，
在高中期間身邊充滿了不良影響。
在高三的一年，我在公園裡舉行了一場烤肉會來慶祝十七歲的生日。
聚集在這裡的一大群人中，
我遇到了一個的人名叫卡爾文（Calvin）。
When we first met, we didn’t get along
because our best friends were enemies,
but despite our mutual dislike,
we started to talk on the phone and then became friends.
At the time, he was part of a group of people
who did even worse things than my group of friends.
我們初次見面時就合不來，
因為我們最好的好友都是敵人。
儘管我們雙方都不喜歡對方，
後來還是開始通電話，並成為朋友。
當時，他所屬的一個大群體
他們甚至比我朋友的群體做事更為過分。
Soon after we met,
Calvin went to a different city to finish his studies.
We would talk on the phone every day
and visit each other whenever we could.
我們認識不久後，
卡爾文便前往不同的城市去完成學業。
我們每天都會通電話，
並且有機會時都會彼此探訪。
After a few months,
I started to have a harder time getting a hold of him.
He told me that it was because he was attending church services.
This was a big surprise to me,
as he had never mentioned he was a Christian
and that he went to church.
The church that he was attending was called True Jesus Church.
幾個月後，
我開始很難聯繫到他。
他告訴我那是因為他去參加聚會。
這讓我非常的驚訝，
因為他從來沒提過自己是基督徒，
也沒說過他去過教會。
他所參加的教會名稱是真耶穌教會。
He was busy most of the time
because he attended services Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday
—sometimes even more if there was family service.
I didn’t know what was happening to him
because he was in the next province,
so I decided to take a few days off from school to visit him.
他大部分時間都很忙，
因為他週三，週五和週六都去參加聚會，
有時如果有家庭聚會的話，甚至會更多。
我不知道他到底發生了什麼事，
因為他人在隔壁的省份，
所以我決定從學校休假幾天去探望他。
His Surprising Change, My Weight Lifted 他驚奇的改變，而我的擔憂減輕了
When I arrived, he looked like a different person.
He no longer wore dark designer clothing,
and his hair was no longer highlighted and styled fashionably.
He was wearing a green sweater and khakis
with his hair dyed back to black and gelled to one side.
當我到達時，他看起來像是變了個人。
他不再穿著深色的名牌衣服，
頭髮也不再挑染和打扮時尚。
他穿著一件綠毛衣和卡其褲，
頭髮染回了黑色，並擦上髮膠梳向一邊。
His friends, who were True Jesus Church brothers,
were genuinely nice people,
unlike the friends he hung out with before.
他的很多朋友，都是真耶穌教會的弟兄，
他們是真正善良的人，
不像之前與他結交的朋友。
While I was visiting
I watched him walk to the bus stop to go to school early in the morning,
carrying a large backpack.
There is nothing extraordinary about this in general
—many people do this every day.
However, I witnessed a person completely transformed from the way he used to be.
After he returned from school
I asked him to take me to his church the following Saturday.
當我拜訪時，
看到他早上走向公車站去上學，
背著一個大背包。
一般而言，這種情況本來並?有很特別，
—每天都有很多人這樣做。
然而，我親眼見證了一個與過去完全不同的人。
等他放學回來後，
我請他下個星期六帶我去他的教會。
When we arrived at church, the sermon was on jealousy.
It was really intriguing
because it was a problem I struggled with.
I felt so peaceful and happy after hearing the sermon
because it felt like a lot of weight was taken off of me.
當我們到了教會時，講道的主題是嫉妒。
這引起我很大的興趣，
因為這正是我一直掙扎的問題。
聽完這篇講道後，我感到非常平靜和快樂，
因為感覺就像有很大的重擔從我身上卸下來。
Calvin introduced me to many brothers and sisters that day.
One sister came to me and shared many words of encouragement.
She told me to seek after God because He really loved me.
She mentioned that Calvin could bring me to church
but could not bring me salvation.
It was up to me to seek after God and to find Him.
I really felt God’s love through the brothers and sisters that day
and was even touched to tears.
那天，Calvin 給我介紹了許多弟兄姐妹。
一位姐妹靠近我，分享了許多鼓勵的話。
她告訴我要尋求神，因為祂真的愛我。
她提到，Calvin可以帶我來教會，
但無法帶給我救恩。
一切都取決於我去尋求神，並找到祂。
那天，透過弟兄姐妹我真的感受到神的愛，
甚至很感動流下了眼淚。
I had always thought that I knew God
and that He was automatically part of my life;
I never thought that I had to pursue and seek after Him.
As devout Catholics, my family attended Sunday Mass every week.
But I never felt God the way I felt Him
through other brothers and sisters at True Jesus Church,
and the sermons never touched me the way they did at this church.
我一直以為自己認識神，
並且認為祂本來就是我生命的一部分；
我從未想過自己必須追求並尋找祂。
作為虔誠的天主教徒，我家人每週都會參加主日彌撒。
但我從未感受到神像，
在真耶穌教會弟兄姐妹給我的感受，
講道也從來沒有感動，像在這個教會一樣打動我。
CHANGING OLD HABITS 改變舊習慣
After this experience at True Jesus Church,
I went home and started reading the Bible.
I also carefully and thoroughly read the basic belief booklet
that they gave me at church.
The last part of this booklet talked about the second coming of Christ.
One part quoted 1 Thessalonians 4:16, 17:
經歷了這次真耶穌教會之後，
我回家開始閱讀聖經。
我還仔細、徹底的閱讀了基本信條手冊，
是他們在教會給我的。
這本手冊的最後部分講到基督的再來，
其中引用了帖撒羅尼迦前書 4 章 16，17 節：
For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout,
with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God.
And the dead in Christ will rise first.
Then we who are alive and remain
shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.
And thus we shall always be with the Lord.
16因為主必親自從天降臨，有呼叫的聲音，
和天使長的聲音，又有神的號吹響；
那在基督裡死了的人必先復活。
17以後我們這活著還存留的人必和他們一同被提到雲裡，在空中與主相遇。
這樣，我們就要和主永遠同在。
This painted a vivid picture of the second coming of Christ.
After reading it,
I really wanted to be one of those
who would be caught up in the clouds
to meet the Lord and to return to our home in heaven forever!
這描繪了基督再臨時的生動景象。
讀完後，
我真的很渴望成為那些人的其中一位，
都被提到雲中，
與主相遇，並永遠回到我們的天家！
I continued to study the Bible
and learn more about the beliefs of the True Jesus Church.
A few months later, I attended service at Calgary House of Prayer.
I prayed for the first time with other brothers and sisters.
我繼續研讀聖經，
並了解更多的真耶穌教會信條。
幾個月之後，我參加了卡加利祈禱所的聚會。
我第一次和其他弟兄姐妹禱告。
The preacher said that we needed to be humble, kneel down before God,
repent to Him of our sins, and ask for forgiveness.
He also said that
those who had not received the Holy Spirit should pray for it.
傳道說，我們要謙卑，在神面前跪下，
為我們的罪向祂悔改，並祈求祂的赦免。
他還說，那些尚未領受聖靈的人應該為此禱告。
I followed what the preacher said to do
and knelt down and started to repent.
I started digging up all the sins I had committed in the past,
and I felt so ashamed while I was thinking of what I had done.
I had never felt ashamed before and never regretted anything I did.
我按照傳道所說的去做，
跪下並開始悔改。
我開始挖掘自己過去一切所犯的罪，
當我回想自己所做的事情，就感到無比羞愧。
我以前從未感到羞愧，也從未對自已所做的任何事感到後悔。
However, in that prayer I felt really ashamed of myself
and unworthy to ask for God’s Holy Spirit.
While I was thinking this,
my arms started to shake, I started to cry,
and I felt God’s presence for the first time in my life.
The prayer was very peaceful and full of light.
然而，在那次禱告中，我感到自已非常的羞愧，
覺得自己不配祈求神的聖靈。
就在我這樣想的時候，
我的雙臂開始震動，我開始哭泣，
並且我第一次感受到神的同在。
那次禱告非常的平安與充滿了光明。
After experiencing the movement of the Holy Spirit
and through studying the Bible,
my attitude started to change towards my family and friends.
There were fewer arguments at home,
and Calvin encouraged me to love my family and to respect my parents.
體驗到聖靈的感動之後，
並透過研讀聖經，
我開始改變面對家人和朋友的態度。
家裡的爭吵變少了，
並且 Calvin 鼓勵我去愛家人，並尊重自已的父母。
Every time I got into an argument with my mom, I would tell him,
and he would encourage me to apologize to my mom
and tell her I loved her.
It was very difficult for me to say “thank you” and “sorry.”
Even though I really wanted to,
I had to fight all of my old habits and my pride to say those words.
每次我和媽媽吵架後，我都會告訴他，
而他會鼓勵我向媽媽道歉，
並告訴她我愛她。
對我來說，要說“謝謝”和“對不起”是很困難的。
即使我很想這麼做，
但我必須與自己舊習慣和驕傲鬥爭，才能說出這些話。
I remember crying in front of my mom
when I told her that I was wrong and that I was sorry.
She also started to cry and came to hug me.
我記得在我媽面前哭了，
當我告訴她，我錯了，我很抱歉。
她也開始哭，然後過來擁抱我。
Getting Baptized 受洗
As I continued to seek after God and learn His truth,
I learned that my sins were not washed away through the baptism
I had received as a baby.
I registered to get baptized during the next spiritual convocation.
當我繼續尋求神並學習祂的真理時，
我了解到，自已的罪並未通過嬰兒時的受禮而得到洗淨。
我去登記加入下次靈恩會的洗禮。
The day of the baptism was a cold November day.
We had to drive about one and a half hours out of town to get to the lake.
洗禮的那天是一個寒冷十一月的日子。
我們需要開車約一個半小時離開城鎮，才能到達湖邊。
When we got there,
we walked up to the shore
and saw that the lake had already turned to ice!
Although there was sunshine
and snow had not started to fall yet,
the lake was already frozen over.
當我們到那裡時，
我們走到湖岸，
看見湖面已經結冰了！
儘管陽光普照，
還沒有開始降雪，
但湖面已經凍結。
My first thought was that God did not want me to get baptized that day.
However, the brothers and sisters took the initiative
and tried to break a hole in the ice.
Young and old, they threw rocks, stomped on the ice,
and pounded away with all their strength using sticks they found on the shore.
我第一個想法就是，神不想我在那天受洗。
然而，弟兄姊妹們採取主動，
試著在冰面上打破一個洞。
無論老少，他們用力丟石頭，踩踏冰面，
並使用他們岸邊找到的棍子拼命用力敲打。
It was very touching to see the effort of these brothers and sisters.
They were not willing to let this chance go to save one more soul.
Not long after, a hole large enough for two people was made through the thick ice,
and I was baptized in the name of our Lord Jesus.
看到這些弟兄姐妹的努力讓我非常的感動。
他們不願意放過這次的機會去拯救再多一個人的靈魂。
不久之後，在厚厚的冰面上打出了足夠寬大，能容納兩人使用的大洞，
而我便奉我們的主耶穌聖名受洗。
A NEW LIFE TOGETHER 一起新生活
Calvin and I got married the year I was baptized.
As we wanted to start a new life together in Christ,
we decided to move
so that we could avoid our past and the bad friends we made over the years.
Calvin 和我在我受洗的那一年結婚了。
因為我們想要在基督裡開始新生活，
我們決定要搬家，
這樣我們就能遠離多年以來自已的過去和壞朋友。
This change was very sudden.
We did not slowly detach from our friends,
but stopped all communication with them.
It was a conscious, deliberate decision for us,
knowing that if we wanted to live this new life in Christ
we had to change ourselves, especially our friends.
Thank God, through His love, we made these changes easily.
這項改變非常突然。
我們並不是緩慢的疏遠自已的朋友，
而是停止了他們的所有聯繫。
這是我們有意識、刻意做出的決定，
知道如果想要在基督裡過著這種新生活，
我們必須改變自己，尤其是自已的朋友。
感謝神，透過祂的愛，我們輕易就做出了這些改變。
We are both thankful
that our past never came looking for us
and that our hearts were not tempted to go back
to enjoy the evils of the world.
Giving up our old life freed up a lot of time,
which we filled with God.
我們都很感恩，
我們的過去從未回來尋找自已，
我們的心也沒有受到誘惑而走回頭路，
去享受世上的罪惡。
放棄自已的舊生活釋放出很多時間，
而我們把這些時間都用來事奉神。
I looked forward to Friday evenings
because it was the start of the Sabbath.
The brothers and sisters were attentive
because I was a newly baptized member
and graciously studied the Bible with Calvin and me during the week.
Some of the church members also invited us
to their homes for dinner and to share the word of God.
我很期待星期五的晚上，
因為那是安息日的開始。
許多弟兄姐妹很關心我，
因為我是新受洗的信徒，
他們週間內仁慈的與加爾文和我一起查經。
有一些教會的信徒還邀請我們，
去他們家裡吃晚餐，並分享神的話語。
Since we got married at a young age,
we promised each other that
if we ever got into an argument we would kneel down and pray
and trust our problems to God.
We believed that God would watch over our marriage
and become the head of our family.
由於我們年輕時就結婚，
我們承諾彼此，
縱使我們吵架了，就會跪下來禱告，
將問題交託給神。
我們相信神會看顧我們的婚姻，
並成為我們家之主。
The change in my life shocked my old friends as well as my family.
Even my friends' parents,
who used to follow us around to see what we were doing,
couldn’t believe I was talking to them about God
and how my husband and I were determined to commit our marriage to God.
我生命的改變震驚了我的老朋友和家人。
甚至我朋友的父母，
他們曾經跟在我們週圍，來看看我們正在做什麼事，
亦無法相信我會向他們談論神，
還有我和我丈夫如何下決心要將自已的婚姻交託給神。
Together, we have tasted the joy of living a simple and quiet life in Christ,
which is far better than what the world could offer.
我們一起嘗到了在基督裡過著簡單寧靜生活的喜樂，
這遠比世界所能提供的事物更美好。
GOD ACCEPTED ME 神接納我
Our wonderful Lord has His great plan for everything.
He even had a plan for a small-town girl
who was not only the black sheep in her family
but was also unwilling to listen to anyone!
我們奇妙的救主有祂偉大的萬事計劃。
祂甚至有一個計劃給小鎮的女孩，
她不僅是她家的黑羊，
而且還不願意聽從任何人！
I was brought to His church
through witnessing the quick and dramatic change in a friend’s life,
which caught my attention
and sparked my curiosity in the source of this transformation.
I was also drawn to know God
because I felt His love through the brothers and sisters in church
as well as God’s movement in me when I prayed for the Holy Spirit.
我被帶到了祂的教會，
因為目睹了一位朋友生活迅速而戲劇性的改變，
這引起了我的注意，
並激發了我對這種轉變來源的好奇心。
我也被吸引去認識神，
因為透過教會中的弟兄姐妹，我感受到祂的愛，
並且當我祈求聖靈時，神在我內心的感動。
Romans 8:38, 39 says: 羅馬書 8 章 38，39 節記載：
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life,
nor angels nor principalities nor powers,
nor things present nor things to come,
nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing,
shall be able to separate us from the love of God
which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
38因為我深信無論是死，是生，
是天使，是掌權的，是有能的，
是現在的事，是將來的事，
39是高處的，是低處的，是別的受造之物，
都不能叫我們與神的愛隔絕；
這愛是在我們的主基督耶穌裡的。
God’s love is so immense and so great,
I don’t know if we can fully comprehend it.
We can only relate based on what we have encountered in life
and assume that God’s love is infinitely greater than that.
神的慈愛是如此浩瀚偉大，
我不知道我們是否能完全去理解。
我們只能根據生命所遇到的經歷來體會，
並假設神的慈愛更遠遠超過一切的經驗。
The only comparable love I have experienced is parental love.
My parents sacrificed a lot
so that my siblings and I could have a good future.
They worked really hard at the restaurant
and put their time and money into our education and other extracurricular classes.
They always gave us the best and took the leftovers.
我所體驗過唯一能相比的愛就是父母的關心。
我的父母犧牲了很多，
為了讓我和手足能有美好的未來。
他們真的在餐廳很辛勤的工作，
並將他們的時間和金錢投入到我們的教育和其他課外才藝課程。
他們總是把最好的留給我們，自己卻只取剩餘。
However, this love is limited.
At my most rebellious stage,
my parents disowned me
not because they did not have love,
but because I grieved them beyond what any human being could bear.
My mom said,
“I will feed you, you may live here,
but you are no longer my daughter.”
I put on a strong face and showed no emotion,
but in reality I felt empty and lonely.
然而，這種愛是有所限制的。
在我最叛逆的時期，
我父母不認我，
並不是因為他們沒有愛，
而是因為我讓他們傷心到任何人所能承受的極限。
我母親說，
“我會餵養你，你可以住在這裡，
但你不再是我的女兒。”
我表面裝作堅強，沒有露出任何感情，
但實際上，我感到空虛和孤獨。
I now understand why I cried so much
when I went to church the first time
and when God’s Spirit moved me in my prayer in Calgary.
It was because even in my worst state,
when my own mother had disowned me,
God accepted me and loved me.
我現在明白為什麼我會哭得那麼厲害，
當我第一次去教會的時候，
以及在卡加利禱告時神的聖靈感動我。
那是因為即使在我最糟糕的時候，
當我自己的母親已經不認我了，
神依然接納我，並且疼愛我。
Through God’s love
I learned to seek after Him and became His child.
透過神的愛，
我學會了尋求祂，並成為了祂的兒女。
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
歡迎主內同靈來信加入翻譯
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