2. Manna issue 59 - Finding Hope and a Purpose 找到盼望與目標
Coming to Christ as a teenager. 身為青少年來到基督面前
Wun-Chiao Cheung—Queens, New York, USA 美國紐約皇后區
NEVER HAPPY 從未喜樂
Before I came to know Jesus Christ, I was a typical teenager.
I went to school every day and hung out with my friends after school.
I cursed, gossiped, told a lot of lies, and more.
I was a very wild and active person.
在我認識耶穌基督之前，我只是一個普通的青少年。
我每天都會去上學，放學後會和朋友一起出去玩。
我罵人，說閒話，會說很多謊話等等。
我是一個非常狂野和活躍的人。
But because my family was very strict,
I wasn’t allowed to do many things that my peers were doing.
I lied so that my parents wouldn’t find out that I had disobeyed them.
After telling one lie, I would have to tell more lies to cover previous lies.
但由於我的家庭非常嚴格，
我不被允許進行自已同齡人所做的很多事情。
我會撒謊，是為了不讓父母發自已我違背了他們的吩咐。
一次撒謊之後，我就需要說更多的謊話來掩蓋之前的謊言。
My family had a lot of problems,
and one of the worst was my parents’ fighting.
They constantly argued.
Because this was the environment I grew up in,
I was never really happy.
我的家庭有很多問題，
其中最糟糕的事情就是我父母的爭吵。
他們不斷爭辯。
因為這就是我成長的環境，
我從來沒有真正的快樂過。
Another reason why I wasn’t happy was
because I felt that I was the only child who wasn’t loved.
我不開心的另一個原因就是，
因為我覺得目已是唯一一個不受疼愛的孩子。
In traditional Chinese families like mine,
sons are favored over daughters,
and this is especially true for a firstborn son.
So between my older brother and me, I always felt slighted.
Since my sister was the youngest child,
she was always taken care of and protected.
在像我這樣的傳統華人家庭裡，
兒子比女兒受寵，
對於長子來說特別如此。
因此，在我和哥哥之間，我總是感覺受到冷落了。
因為我妹妹是最小的孩子，
她一直都受到照顧和保護。
As the middle child,
I always ended up taking care of chores and other household matters
while bearing the brunt of my parents’ frustrations.
I started to believe that my parents hated me
and that they took care of me
because it was their responsibility and not because they loved me.
作為家中的老二，
我最後總要處理家務和其他的家庭事務，
還要承受父母沮喪時的衝擊。
我開始相信自已的父母討厭我，
他們會照顧我，
只因為這是他們的責任，而不是因為他們愛我。
I didn’t believe in God
because I felt so much suffering, sadness, and depression
because of the fighting and unhappiness in my family.
I often took refuge in the bathroom
because that was the only place where I could cry.
I would just look at myself in the mirror and shed tears.
我不再相信神，
因為我感受到太多的痛苦，悲傷和沮喪，
因為我家裡常有吵架，不開心的事。
我常躲在浴室裡，
因為那是我唯一可以哭泣的地方。
我會只是看著鏡子裡的自己然後開始流淚。
When I was in high school,
I was so depressed one day that I thought about committing suicide.
I was crying nonstop in the bathroom and thought that,
since my life was miserable and every day was just the same as the previous day,
I should just end things right away.
那時我上高中的時候，
有一天，我的心情很沮喪，甚至我想要自殺。
我在浴室裡不停的哭泣，且心想，
因為自已的生活很悲慘，每一天都和前一天相同，
我應該就馬上結束這一切。
But I didn’t go through with it
because I worried that I would have to go to the hospital if my attempt failed.
I didn’t want that to happen so I just went on with life
because there wasn’t anything I could do to change it.
但我沒有就這麼做，
因為我擔心如果嘗試失敗的話我將必須去醫院。
我不想發生那樣的事，所以我就繼續生活下去，
因為我沒有任何辦法去改變它。
A PLACE I COULD BELONG TO 我可歸屬的一個地方
In the summer of 2002,
my cousins from New Jersey came with their parents for a visit
the way they had done every year.
But this time, they started to preach to us.
2002 年的夏天，
我的表兄弟從新澤西和他們的父母一起來探訪，
像他們往年一樣的方式。
但這一次，他們開始向我們傳道。
Our family followed traditional ancestral worship,
but my cousins had recently been introduced to the True Jesus Church.
They told my sister and me that we should believe in God because He’s great.
But every time they preached to us we would say, “No.”
我們家庭遵照傳統的祖先崇拜，
但我的表兄弟最近被介紹加入了真耶穌教會。
他們告訴我和姊姊，我們應該相信神，因為祂很偉大。
但每次他們向我們傳道時，我們都會說“不”。
As a Gentile, I just couldn’t believe the words they preached.
I was a teenager who would use God’s name in vain and laugh at religion
because of the preconception that God could never be truly real.
I always thought that I would never believe in God or be a churchgoer.
身為外邦人，我根本就無法相信他們所宣傳的話語。
那時我是青少年，曾妄稱神的名，並嘲笑宗教，
因為有先入為主的觀念，認為神永遠不可能真實存在。
我一直以為自己尊永遠不會信神，也不會成為一個信徒。
Despite our refusals,
they invited us to attend Student Spiritual Convocation in August.
I didn’t go because it sounded strange to me,
but my sister went.
When she came back, she seemed different
—I got the feeling
that she wasn’t a part of the world anymore but already belonged to God.
儘管我們拒絕了，
他們邀請我們去參加八月的學生靈恩會。
我沒有去，因為那聽起來很奇怪，
但我的姐姐去了。
當她回來時，她看起來變得不一樣了，
—我有這種感覺，
她不再是這個世界的一部分，而是已經屬於神了。
I asked her what she thought of it,
and she told me that she liked it and that it was fun.
Our relationship improved from that point on,
and we became close like sisters usually are.
我問了她對此有何看法，
她告訴我，她很喜歡它並且很有趣。
從那時起我們的關係就進步了，
我們變得親密就像姊妹平常一樣。
I started to be more interested in going to church,
so my uncle came and drove my brother, my sister, and me
to Elizabeth Church in New Jersey for Sabbath service.
On that first visit, I saw a lot of youths there who were all so friendly.
I felt that I could belong to this place, too.
我開始更有興趣去教會，
於是我叔叔過來開車送我和哥哥妹妹，
到新澤西的伊莉莎白教會參加安息日聚會。
從那第一次到訪開始，我看到那裡有很多年輕人，他們都非常的友好。
我感覺自已也能屬於這個地方。
Before the morning service started,
a sister explained prayer to me because visitors often got scared by it.
I wanted to see what it was like before I started to pray,
so I looked around at the beginning.
I wasn’t scared at all like the sister had warned me about.
Rather, I thought it was amusing.
早上聚會開始之前，
有一位姊妹向我解釋了禱告，因為訪客常常因為禱告而驚嚇。
在開始祈禱之前，我想看看那像是怎樣的情況，
所以一開始我就環顧四周。
我一點都沒有害怕，就像這位姐妹開頭警告的情況。
相反的，我認為那是很有趣的事。
Nonetheless, I innocently followed her instructions on how to pray.
I thought that it was a nice experience
because I was somehow able to express the deepest thoughts and feelings in my heart
that I could never tell anyone.
From that time on, I continued to pray often.
儘管如此，我還是天真的跟著她的指示去學習如何禱告。
我認為，那是一次不錯的體驗，
因為不知怎了，我能夠表自已內心最深的想法和內心的感受，
那是我永遠不會告訴任何人的。
從那時起，我繼續常常祈禱。
My sister and I attended services regularly at Elizabeth Church after that first visit.
My uncle drove out to New York every Friday night
so that he could bring the two of us to church on Saturday morning
with the rest of his family.
In April 2003, I was baptized into the True Jesus Church.
自從第一次參訪後，我和妹妹定期去伊莉莎白教會參加聚會。
我叔叔每個星期五晚上都會開車去紐約，
這樣星期六早上他就可以帶我們兩個去教會，
與他其餘的家人。
2003 年 4 月，我受洗加入了真耶穌教會。
The Only True Church 唯一真教會
After baptism, I began to see the importance of God and His commandments.
Every week I couldn’t wait for Fridays and Saturdays to come
because Friday night was rest,
and I really enjoyed going to church on Saturday.
受洗之後，我開始了解到神與祂誡命的重要性。
每週我都迫不及待的等候週五和週六的到來，
因為週五晚上是休息日，
我真的很享受星期六去教會。
I thank God my parents weren’t opposed to me and my sister going to church.
My relationship with my family improved
because I saw how my suffering had built up a strong character.
I also reminded myself
that I shouldn’t blame my parents
and that I should forgive them now that I had found the truth.
感謝神，我的父母並不反對我和妹妹去教會。
我和家人的關係改善了，
因為我看見自已的痛苦如何造就了堅強的性格。
我也提醒自己，
我不該責怪自已的父母，
既然我已經找到了真理，我就應該原諒他們。
A few months after I was baptized,
I started to get really busy
because I was preparing for college examinations in addition to studying for school.
Eventually, it became difficult for me to observe the Sabbath every week.
It was especially difficult
because I had to wake up early on Saturday to go to church in New Jersey.
在我受洗幾個月之後，
我開始變得很忙碌，
因為我除了要課業學習以外，還正準備大學考試。
漸漸的，我變得很難每週去遵守安息日。
尤其困難的是，
因為星期六我必須早起去新澤西的教會。
I didn’t know what to do
because I heard in religious education classes and in sermons
how important it was to keep the Sabbath,
but commuting so far every week was very hard.
During my senior year in high school,
I suddenly thought of looking up True Jesus Church online.
I found out that there was a True Jesus Church in Queens,
so I asked my dad to drive me there one Sabbath.
我不知道該怎麼辦，
因為我在宗教教育課程和講道中聽過，
遵守安息日有多麼重要，
但每週通勤這麼遠是非常困難的。
在我高中四年級的時候，
我突然想到要在網路上找真耶穌教會。
我發現了皇后區有一間真耶穌教會，
因此我請父親有一次安息日開車送我去那裡。
I knew that it was wrong to worship at another church
because members at Elizabeth Church had explained that we were the only true church.
For some reason, I thought that they meant that Elizabeth Church was the only true church.
So even though I had found Queens Church,
I wasn’t sure that it was okay to observe Sabbath there.
我知道去其他教會聚會是錯的，
因為伊莉莎白教會的信徒曾有過解釋自已是唯一的真教會。
出於某種原因，我認為他們的意思是伊麗莎白教會是唯一的真教會。
因此，儘管我找到了皇后教會，
我不確定在那裡守安息日是否合適。
I told myself that I would leave
if they didn’t do things the same way as in Elizabeth.
As the service progressed, I saw how everything was the same.
I found out soon after that “only true church” referred to True Jesus Church
and that there were many locations around the world.
我告訴自己我會離開，，
如果他們做事情和伊莉莎白教會不一樣的話。
隨著聚會一直進行，我發現一切的做法都是一樣的。
不久之後，我發現“唯一真教會”指的是真耶穌教會，
並且它在世界各地有很多聚會點。
DETERMINED TO RECEIVE THE HOLY SPIRIT 決定求聖靈
My sister and I started to attend services at Queens Church instead of Elizabeth Church.
By that time, I had already been baptized for about one year,
but I still hadn’t received the Holy Spirit.
我和妹妹開始去皇后教會聚會，而不是去伊莉莎白教會。
那時，我受洗已經約一年了，
但我還沒有得到聖靈。
When my cousins came on a visit,
they suggested that we pray together.
Only one of my cousins had the Holy Spirit at the time.
But while we were praying, I heard two voices speaking in tongues.
當我的表兄弟來拜訪時，
他們建議我們一起禱告。
那時，我表兄弟中只有一個人有聖靈。
但當我們禱告時，我聽到兩個聲音說靈言。
I was very surprised,
especially when I realized afterward
that my sister was the other person with the Holy Spirit.
I didn’t know that she had received it.
When she confirmed that she had received the Holy Spirit,
I started to really pursue it
because it reaffirmed to me that the True Jesus Church was the true church.
我很驚訝，
尤其是後來當我意識到，
我妹妹是另一個得到聖靈的人。
我不知道她已得到了。
當她承認自己已經得到聖靈時，
我就開始很認真祈求聖靈，
因為它再次向我證實了，真耶穌教會就是真教會。
I thought about attending the National Youth Theological Seminar (NYTS) in 2004
because I would have a lot of time to pray and study the word of God.
However, I was afraid that my parents wouldn’t let me go
because they didn’t like the idea of me staying overnight somewhere else.
在 2004 年我正思考要參加全國社青神訓班（NYTS），
因為我將有大量的時間禱告且學習神的話語。
但我很擔心父母不會讓我去，
因為他們不喜歡我去其他地方過夜的想法。
Also, I would have to fly out to California,
and I knew that they wouldn’t like me traveling so far on my own.
I decided that I would ask for permission to go the next year
because I would be a year older and they might be more open to letting me go.
另外，我還得要飛去加州，
我知道他們不會喜歡我獨自到那麼遠旅行。
我決定明年才會去徵詢同意去參加，
因為我將會長大一歲，他們可能會更願意放我離開。
Over the next few months,
I felt very moved every time
I turned to read the Bible during sermons and in religious education classes.
I felt my faith increase and my depression lessen
as I learned more about the Bible.
I was particularly encouraged by Matthew 17:20:
在接下來的幾個月裡，
每次都很感動，
在講道和宗教教育課時，我開始讀聖經。
我覺得我的信心增強了，憂鬱情緒減輕了，
隨著我了解更多的聖經。
馬太福音 17 章 20節特別鼓勵我：
So Jesus said to them,
“Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you,
if you have faith as a mustard seed,
you will say to this mountain,
‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move;
and nothing will be impossible for you.”
20耶穌說：
是因你們的信心小。我實在告訴你們，
你們若有信心，像一粒芥菜種，
就是對這座山說：
你從這邊挪到那邊。他也必挪去；
並且你們沒有一件不能做的事了。
So I started to pray a few months before I asked my parents about going to NYTS.
I prayed to the Lord knowing that if He could move mountains,
He could help me go to NYTS.
Thank God, when I asked if I could go to NYTS,
my parents said it was okay.
My faith increased after this because I saw how my prayers were answered.
因此，在我詢問父母，是否可以參加神訓班 NYTS 的幾個月前，我就開始禱告。
我向神祈禱，心知若祂能移山，
祂就可以幫我去參加神訓班 (NYTS)。
感謝神，當我詢問自已是否可以去參加神訓班 NYTS 時，
我父母說，好的。
此後，我的信心就更加堅定了，因為我看到自已的禱告是怎麼得到了回應。
My Mission at NYTS 神訓班的任務
Before going to NYTS in 2005,
I made it my mission to receive the Holy Spirit by the end of the two-week seminar.
I felt so close to God and wanted to do a lot of work for Him,
but I couldn’t do much because I didn’t have the Holy Spirit.
So I told everyone at Queens Church
that I really wanted to get the Holy Spirit this time.
在 2005 年去神訓班 NYTS 之前，
在為期兩週的神訓班結束時，我決定自已的使命是要得到聖靈。
我覺得很親近神，想為祂做很多事，
但因為我沒有聖靈，自已就做不了什麼事。
所以我告訴皇后教會每個人，
這次我真的很想要得到聖靈。
It was already more than two years since I received baptism,
yet I still had not received the Holy Spirit.
I had heard many stories of other members’ experiences,
how some had received it on the very last day of NYTS,
how some people prayed for forty years before receiving it,
or how some received it the very first time they prayed in church.
自我受洗，時間已經超過兩年了，
然而我還沒有得到聖靈。
我已經聽過很多其他信徒體驗的故事，
有些人在神訓班 NYTS 的最後一天才得到聖靈，
有些人禱告了四十年才得到聖靈，
或者有些人第一次進教會禱告時就得到了。
I was so determined to receive the Holy Spirit at NYTS that year;
I fasted every day and prayed with all my heart in every prayer session.
It felt like the hardest thing I had ever done.
那一年，我很堅定要在神訓班 NYTS 得到聖靈；
我每天都禁食，每次禱告會時都全心全意的禱告。
這感覺就像是我所做過的最堅難的事。
At the end of the first week of NYTS,
some members from Queens came to cook for the participants.
One of the sisters asked if I had received the Holy Spirit yet.
I was feeling a little discouraged,
but she comforted me and told me to keep trying.
在神訓班 NYTS 第一周結束時，
有一些自皇后教會的信徒來為學員做飯。
有一位姐妹問我是否已經領受了聖靈。
我感到有點灰心，
但她安慰我並告訴我要繼續努力。
I knew that the Queens members and my group members at NYTS were praying for me,
so I tried not to be so down on myself.
I thought that if I continued to be downhearted that God wouldn’t give me the Holy Spirit.
我知道皇后區的信徒和自已在神訓班的小組成員，都在為我祈禱，
所以我試著自已不要這麼心情沮喪。
我認為，如果我繼續灰心的話，神就不會給我聖靈了。
In my prayers, I thought about the creation:
在我的禱告中，我想起創世：
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep.
And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
(Gen 1:1, 2)
1起初，神創造天地。
2地是空虛混沌，淵面黑暗；
神的靈運行在水面上。
（創 1：1，2）
I thought how I was like the earth and filled with darkness
and God’s Spirit was hovering over me but not yet in me.
I knew that it was my pride
that hindered God’s Holy Spirit from entering into me
because I always used my own strength to make it through life.
I needed to let go and understand that it was God who controlled everything;
God was the one whom I could rely on and place my worries and burdens upon.
我以為已就像大地一樣，充滿黑暗，
神的靈在我上方運行，但還未進入我內心。
我知道就是自已的驕傲，
阻礙了聖靈不能進入我的內心，
因為我總是靠著自己的力量度過一生。
我需要放手，且明白是神掌控了一切；
神是我可以依靠的對象，傾訴自已的憂慮和託負重擔。
This struggle for the Holy Spirit was a test of my faith,
and I told God that I wasn’t leaving NYTS without the Holy Spirit.
I wanted to go to heaven with the brothers and sisters.
I wanted to go together with them to see our Lord.
這場為了聖靈的掙扎就是對我信心的考驗，
我告訴神，如果我沒有聖靈，就不會離開神訓班。
我想與弟兄姐妹一起去天國。
我想和他們一起去見我們的救主。
The day before NYTS ended,
a pastor’s wife told me that I was very close to receiving the Holy Spirit
and that all the pastors agreed that I just had to pray a little harder and I would get it.
So I was even more encouraged after that.
神訓班結束的前一天，
有一位傳道娘告訴我，我很接近要得到聖靈了，
並且所有長執都同意，我只需要再更努力一點就會得到它。
所以我從此就更加受到鼓舞了。
I prayed to God that if He would give me His Holy Spirit,
I would serve Him for the rest of my life.
I would give Him my all because I owed Him everything.
我向神禱告，若祂能賜給我聖靈，
我將以自已的餘生來服事祂。
我願意把自已的一切獻給他，因為我欠了他一切。
After the morning prayer of the last day,
a pastor told me that I had received the Holy Spirit.
I hadn’t noticed my tongue moving,
so I didn’t think that I had received it.
I told a sister that I wasn’t sure
because I didn’t notice anything different when I prayed,
but she told me not to doubt because God might take the Holy Spirit away if I doubted.
最後一天的早禱之後，
有一位長執告訴我，我已經得到了聖靈。
我並沒有注意到自已的舌頭有振動，
所以我並不認為，自已有得到聖靈。
我告訴一位姐妹，自已不是很確定，
因為我禱告的時候，自已並沒發現有什麼不同，
但她告訴我不要懷疑，因為如果我懷疑的話，神可能會把聖靈收走。
I went up to the front to pray during the concluding prayer of NYTS.
I decided not to doubt but to believe that I had the Holy Spirit,
and I felt my tongue rolling.
I knew that I really had received it.
I was so thankful and filled with joy.
在神訓班結束禱告時，我走去前面禱告。
我決定不再懷疑，而是相信自已已經得到聖靈，
我感覺自已的舌頭一直滾動。
我知道自已真的得到聖靈了。
我很感謝神，並且充滿喜悅。
I am now a very different person compared to who I was before coming to Christ.
I used to shed so many tears and was constantly unhappy.
But now I understand that for Christians,
even though life is not easy
and sometimes we shed tears because of our suffering,
we still have hope.
相比於信基督之前的我，現在自已已經完全不同的人。
我常常會一直流淚，而且總是不快樂。
但現在我明白了，對基督徒來說，
儘管生活並不容易，
並且有時我們會流淚，因為自已的苦難，
但我們仍有盼望。
Without God, I wouldn’t be here today.
I felt so lost in the past
—I didn’t know what would happen to me,
and I had no idea what my future would be like.
Now I know that there’s a purpose for all of us.
As for me, my purpose in life is to serve my Lord, my Master.
若沒有神，我今日就不會在這裡。
過去我感到很失落，
—我不知道自已會發生什麼事，
我不知道自已的未來將會變成什麼樣子。
現在我知道了，我們每個人都會有一個目標。
對我來說，我人生的目標，就是可以服事我的救主，我的主人。
I have experienced so much grace from God
and am very comforted knowing that there is a Creator who understands me.
I used to feel that no one could ever understand my pain and suffering
because they weren’t in the same position as me.
But now, whenever I pray,
I know that God is there and He sympathizes
and knows exactly how I feel when I cry out to Him.
我已經體驗到很多神的恩典，
而我且很安票，因為知道有一位造物主可以理解我。
我曾經覺得，永遠沒有人能夠理解我的痛苦和苦難，
因為他們與我並不處於同一種處境。
但現在，每當我禱告時，
我知道神在那裡，祂有同情，
並且確切知道我向祂呼喊時是感受到什麼。
Knowing that God understands me gives me strength to live day by day.
I have nothing to fear
because God has already told me that He is my God and will be with me.
知道神了解我，會給了我每天生活的力量。
我沒什麼事情好害怕的，
因為神已經告訴我，祂是我的神，將會與我同在。
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
(Isa 41:10)
“10你不要害怕，因為我與你同在；
不要驚惶，因為我是你的神。
我必堅固你，我必幫助你；
我必用我公義的右手扶持你。”
(賽 41：10)
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
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