Manna issue 70 - I Grieve with You in Pain 與哀哭的同哀哭
How do we sensibly reach out to people in grief?
如何理性的關懷傷痛中的人們？
Patricia Chen—Irvine, California, USA
美國加州爾灣教會 Patricia Chen 姐妹
翻譯：Bloomwitz
FACING GRIEF 面對傷痛
Life has times of prosperity and times
of adversity, times of joy and times
of sorrow. Ultimately, everyone will,
at some point, face burdens, loss,
fear, or anxiety. In our darkest, most
anguished hours, how do we handle
our emotions?
生命有順境與逆境，有喜悅與悲傷。
總之，每個人都會承受重擔、失落、恐懼或焦慮。
在我們最黑暗、最絕望的時候，我們該如何面對各種請緒呢？
Different people associate different
things with loss and anguish. To some,
it means having days when putting
one foot in front of the other feels
difficult; accepting the love, care and
hugs of friends seems impossible. To
others it means crawling into bed at
night, curling into a ball, and crying,
echoing pain and grief in the Psalms
(e.g., Psalm 6:6, “I make my bed
swim … with my tears”).
每個人對於失落和絕望都有不同的定義。
對某些人而言，整日無所事事卻又缺乏來自朋友的關愛讓他們感到困窘。
對於其他人而言，失落和絕望是夜裡蜷曲在床上嚎啕痛哭。
（詩篇 6章6節: 我因唉哼而困乏；我每夜流淚，把床榻漂起，把褥子濕透。）
AT A LOSS FOR WORDS 詞窮
Last year in August, I received news
from a friend telling me that her
father had suddenly passed away.
I could hear my heart racing as my
mind struggled to comprehend what I
had just heard. The news parched my
throat. I paused, unsure of what to
say. Eventually, I managed to mutter,
“I am so sorry to hear that.” I wanted
to communicate something from
my heart, but mere words seemed
inadequate. I wanted to reassure her
that even though I might not have
understood all that she was going
through, I knew that it must be awful
and sorrowful beyond description.
去年八月，一位朋友告訴我他的父親突然離世的消息。
當時我感受到心跳在胸中快速跳動，我試著面對並從這突如其來的噩耗中反應過來
，然而喉嚨像被榨乾了一樣，一句話也說不出來，我於是停了下來。
最後我只能擠出「我很遺憾。」我試圖表達心中的想法，然而卻找不到合適的字詞。
我試圖表達雖然不可能完全理解他的感受，卻同理這種傷痛是無以言喻的。
Not long after, another sister
told me that her mother had been
admitted to hospital, and without
any warning, passed away there.
Again, taken aback by the news, I
didn’t know what to say. Deep down
inside, I wanted to genuinely comfort
her, but no words seemed fit for
someone facing a mountain of grief.
不久之後，另一位姐妹告訴我她的媽媽被送到醫院並且突然離世的消息。
又一次，我被噩耗震懾住了，無言以對。
我心裡很想安慰她，但面對一個承受排山倒海傷痛的人，似乎沒什麼合適的話語。
Sometimes, in moments like these,
we don’t know what to say or how
to comfort. We simply freeze. There
does not seem to exist any magical
word that can remove the mixture
of feelings brewing inside someone
who grieves.
有時候，在這樣震驚又哀傷的時刻，我們可能一時不知該說些什麼，該從何安慰。
我們單純的被所接收的消息震懾住。似乎沒有什麼神奇話語能立馬解除傷痛者內心五味雜陳的悵然。
EXPERIENCING GRIEF FIRST HAND 經歷第一次傷痛
About three months after I received
the news about the sister’s mother, I
personally experienced uncertainties
and anxieties. A dear family member
seemed to be nearing the end
of his life, with his health rapidly
deteriorating. Initially, I panicked. The
uncertainty crippled me. I became
empathetic towards the pain of the
sisters who were still going through
the valley of weeping—it was as
if their pain were mine. I began to
ponder the fear, anxiety, and sorrow
of losing a loved one—indeed,
the pain was deep and immense. I
realized that my words seemed empty
back then because I was frightened
by their pain and grief.
在聽到那位姐妹母親去世的消息三個月後，我自己也經歷了茫然與焦慮。
一位至親的親戚正步向死亡，他的健康每況愈下。
一開始我驚慌失措，未知的死亡擊敗了我，然而我卻更能同理那位正行走於死陰「憂」谷的姐妹，就好像她的痛就是我的痛。
我開始思索自己對死亡的恐懼、焦慮和失去愛人的失落。確實，這痛苦是深沈而巨大的。
我意識到自己曾說的「我很遺憾」是多麼的空洞，畢竟我被傷痛震懾住了。
HEALING THROUGH THE POWER OF PRAYER 禱告得醫治
This trial forced me to confront
my emotions: worry, fear, grief,
and anxiety. I was aware of their
existence, but I didn’t know how to
identify them, thinking that I was
strong enough to hold everything in.
Yet I knew that I desperately needed
a state of inner peace separate from
my circumstances and emotions.
這個挫折迫使我面對自己的情緒，擔憂、恐懼、哀痛和焦慮。
我知道他們存在，然而卻不知道如何辨別自己的情感，我總是覺得自己很堅強一定能默默承受一切。
然而我知道自己迫切地需要心靈的慰藉來走出我的惡性循環和五味雜陳的情緒。
Many people bottle up their
emotions when they don’t know
how to handle them. However,
these uncomfortable emotions can
resurface and plague us if they are
not dealt with. We must seek a
release that will let us adequately
deal with them.
很多人在不知如何面對情緒的情況下選擇把情緒封存起來。
然而這些未處理的情緒總有一天都會爆發並侵蝕我們的心靈。
我們必須找到適合的方法來處理情緒。
During a Bible study on Jesus’
prayer in the garden of Gethsemane,
it dawned on me that all the fear
and sorrow I felt had also been felt
by the Lord Jesus when He prayed
in the garden. Matthew 26:37 and
Mark 14:33 both mention that Jesus
became sorrowful, troubled, and
“deeply distressed” in prayer. “And
being in agony, He prayed more
earnestly. Then His sweat became
like great drops of blood falling
down to the ground” (Lk 22:44).
Lastly, Jesus prayed, “O My Father,
if this cup cannot pass away from Me
unless I drink it, Your will be done”
(Mt 26:42). The Bible describes
Jesus as someone grieved and
distressed, so much so that His soul
was “exceedingly sorrowful, even to
death” (Mt 26:38).
在研讀耶穌在客西馬尼園禱告的經文時，我看到了在禱告的耶穌跟我一樣面臨著恐懼與憂傷。
馬太福音26章37節、馬可福音14章33節皆有提及耶穌禱告時流露的憂傷、苦惱和絕望。
在極大的痛苦中，耶穌更加迫切的禱告，祂血點般斗大的汗珠滴落於地（路加福音22章44節）
最後耶穌禱告道：「我父啊，這杯若不能離開我，必要我喝，就願你的意旨成全。」（馬太福音26章44節）
聖經描述耶穌的心甚是憂傷幾乎要死一樣。（馬太福音26章38節）
Although Jesus was in agony,
the Bible states that He entrusted
everything to God in prayer: His
prayer was not to avoid death but
to find the strength to cope with
what was coming. At that agonizing
moment, Jesus turned to God and
made God His focus.
縱使耶穌身心皆受苦，他還是在禱告中將一切交託給神，
他的禱告不是免去死亡，乃是從新得力，得到面對將來的力量。
在耶穌痛苦的時候，他全然依靠神。
With that realization, I knew I
needed to pray. Isaiah 55:6 reminds
us to “[s]eek the Lord while He may
be found, [c]all upon Him while He
is near.” Through prayer I began to
understand that if I tried to solve my
problems by myself, God couldn’t be
glorified in my weakness—I would
not be allowing God to display His
might. Only through prayer can we
endure agony, because it is God who
strengthens us.
有了這樣了領悟，我知道我需要禱告。
以賽亞書55章6節提醒我們「當趁耶和華可尋找的時候尋找他，相近的時候求告他。」
透過禱告，我開始了解如果我只依靠自己解決問題，就失去了在軟弱上彰顯神榮耀的機會，
然而只有透過禱告我們才能承受身心的試煉，因為我們是從神得力。
Indeed, turning to God in prayer
and experiencing His peace was the
exact prescription needed for my fearridden
heart and mind. Philippians
4:6–7 states, “Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything by prayer
and supplication, with thanksgiving,
let your requests be made known to
God; and the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding, will
guard your hearts and minds through
Christ Jesus.”
事實上禱告依靠神群求平靜安穩正是我憂懼的心靈所需要的。
腓利比書4章6-7節
「應當一無掛慮，只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求，和感謝，將你們所要的告訴神。
神所賜、出人意外的平安必在基督耶穌裡保守你們的心懷意念。」
When I started praying, even
though my circumstances didn’t
change, I could feel the peace
of God filling my heart in a way
beyond my understanding. At the
end of the prayer, I felt renewed and
strengthened through the power of
the Holy Spirit. Regardless of any
uneasy emotions, I could rest assured
and be certain of a God on whom I
could trust and rely.
當我開始禱告，即使我的近況沒有改變，我依然感受到從神而來的平靜安穩充滿我心，超乎我的理解。
在禱告後，我感到心意更新和從聖靈而來的力量。
不管有什麼情緒，我都能安然睡覺並深信我能全然信靠神。
God will not let us suffer alone.
“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our
weaknesses. For we do not know what
we should pray for as we ought, but
the Spirit Himself makes intercession
for us with groanings which cannot
be uttered” (Rom 8:26). Whether we
are on the peak of the mountain or in
the depths of the valley, God is with
us. Through our loss ... through any
loss, He is near.
神不會讓我們獨自受苦。
同樣的聖靈也能在軟弱中幫助我們。羅馬書8章26節
「況且我們的軟弱有聖靈幫助，我們本不曉得當怎樣禱告，只是聖靈親自用說不出來的歎息替我們禱告。」
不論我們身在高山或幽深的峽谷，神都與我們同在，
雖然我們有失落，然而在每一次的失落中，他都在身旁。
CARRY EACH OTHER’S BURDENS 彼此擔負重擔
Sometimes, we neglect to grieve with
our friends and loved ones. However,
the Bible encourages us to “bear one
another’s burdens, and so fulfill the
law of Christ” (Gal 6:2).
有時候我們忽略了要與自己的朋友和愛的人們同哀哭，不論如何，
「你們各人的重擔要互相擔當，如此，就完全了基督的律法。」加拉太書6章2節。
Through praying in the Holy Spirit,
I found an outlet for my emotional
responses to life’s experiences. Yes,
I may feel anxious or sorrowful
towards a particular incident, but
I can also have joy. Joy in knowing
that God can lift us up with His grace.
The Bible also tells us that we should
not grieve without hope (1 Thess
4:13), because Jesus has risen from
the dead, and He gives the hope of
resurrection to all who believe in Him.
透過在聖靈裡禱告，我找到了生活情感上的出口。
都是經驗，沒錯，我可能在特定的事件上感到焦慮和憂傷，但我依然能喜樂。
喜樂是知道神必以恩典搭救提昇我們，聖經告訴我們，不要憂傷失去希望，
帖撒羅尼迦前書4章13節「論到睡了的人，我們不願意弟兄們不知道，恐怕你們憂傷，像那些沒有指望的人一樣。」
因為已經從死裡復活，並且帶給所有相信祂的人希望。
I decided I would make every effort
to sincerely empathize with those
who were grieving. No pain is so
deep, so long-standing, that the love
of God cannot reach. No wound is
too trivial for God’s love to heal.
我決定努力並真誠的同理那些在哀慟中的人們。
沒有傷痛深長到神的愛無法搭救，神不輕看任何的傷痛，神的愛能醫治我們。
BECOME A CHANNEL OF HEALING FOR OTHERS 成為療癒他人的良品
In the Gospel of John, Jesus showed
Thomas and the other disciples His
nail-pierced hands and spear-pierced
side. Sometimes, I wonder why those
marks remained on His risen body.
Was it so His friends could identify
Him? Surely. But I believe there is a
deeper meaning: when our wounds
are healed, the marks remain so that
we can become testimonies for our
Lord Jesus Christ. We no longer feel
despair because of the marks of our
pain. Rather, the healed wounds
become channels of healing for
others.
約翰福音中記載，耶穌給多馬和其他門徒看他盯痕的雙手和他受札的肋旁。
有時候我會想為什麼這些傷痕還留在耶穌復活後身上呢？
是因為這樣他的朋友才能認出他嗎？
當然。但是我相信這必然有更加深層的意義，當我們的傷口受醫治後留下疤痕，作為我們主耶穌基督的見證。
我們便不再因傷痛的疤痕感到痛心。
並且，這些見證成為一種療癒他人的良品。
In the process of inner healing,
Jesus will gradually set us free to be
a comfort for those in need. Jesus
did not rebuke men, women, and
children who came to Him with
their needs—whether it was hunger,
illness, or other problems. He met
people where they were. He fed
them, healed them, and received
them fully and compassionately.
在療癒內心的過程中，神會漸漸釋放我們成為其他需要安慰者的安撫者。
耶穌不會斥責尋求他幫助的男女老幼，不論是飢餓、疾病或其他問題，
他都會非常有耐心的就每個人的需求好好的餵飽他們、醫治他們。
“But He was wounded for our
transgressions, He was bruised for
our iniquities; [t]he chastisement
for our peace was upon Him, [a]nd
by His stripes we are healed.” (Isa
53:5)
以賽亞書 53章5節：
「哪知他為我們的過犯受害，為我們的罪孽壓傷。因他受的刑罰，我們得平安；因他受的鞭傷，我們得醫治。
GIVING SUPPORT IN TIMES OF GRIEF 付出關懷
When my sister was going through
a severe sickness, a few church
members visited her to comfort her
and to let her know that they were
there for her. Spiritually, their presence
was powerful, and their persistent
and intercessory prayers at her house
were much more meaningful than a
text or phone call.
當我的姊姊經歷嚴重的疾病時，有一些教會同靈來探望她，告訴她需要幫忙就說並安慰她。
就靈性而言，他們的出現充滿了力量，他們迫切地陪我們家一起禱告並為我們代禱，這比簡訊和電話有意義多了。
So, to sensitively reach out and
support those who are grieving,
we first need to make contact. Tell
them that you care and that you are
praying for them; say, with sincerity,
“If there is anything I can do, just let
me know.”
所以，真誠的關懷並幫助痛苦中的人們，首先我們需要與他們溝通，
真誠的告訴他們我們關心他們，並且正為他們代禱，並表示自己願意幫助他們的需求。
In some situations, it might be
appropriate to pray together, asking
God for strength, faith, and peace.
Never underestimate the power of
prayer. The Bible sometimes depicts
the Holy Spirit as fine olive oil. Like a
lubricant, the Holy Spirit will work in
the heart of the afflicted: “He heals
the brokenhearted [a]nd binds up
their wounds” (Ps 147:3).
頗多情形下，和他們一起禱告，祈求平靜安穩和力量是適切的，
不要小看禱告的力量，聖經將聖靈描寫成上好的橄欖油，
像機油一樣，聖靈會平穩痛苦者的心。
詩篇147篇3節：「他醫好傷心的人，裹好他們的傷處。」
God is love, and He will respond
to our prayers through His word to
encourage and empower us. There is
healing in God’s word. Scripture can
calm people. Sometimes, that’s all
that people caught in crisis need.
We can also help practically
by preparing meals, do grocery
shopping, clean around the house etc.
As important as spiritual intercession
is, practical support should not be
overlooked either.
神是愛，他用聖經裡的話回應我們的禱告，鼓勵並加添力量給我們。
在神的話語裡有醫治，有平靜。有些時候那就是傷痛者的心所需要的。
我們也可以幫忙準備三餐、幫忙買日用品和打掃居家環境等等。
實際物質的幫助和靈性上的互相扶持一樣重要，不容忽視。
Pain does not go away easily, so,
we need to support those who are
hurting. Every person is different and
every relationship is unique; indeed,
we need to respect the time and
space of those who suffer. When
they are ready, allow them to freely
express their emotions, because they
are part of a normal grief response.
It is vital to help them identify their
feelings and express them, instead of
burying them.
傷痛不容易離去，所以我們更該支持受傷害的人們。
每個人都不同，每段關懷的關係都是獨一無二的，
當然，我們應該尊重被關懷者的時間和個人空間，
當他們準備好了，他們便會自由的吐露心聲，因為這是處理傷痛重要的一環。
表露而不要再隱藏心事對他們而言是相當重要的。
When our grieving friends are ready
to share, avoid making judgments or
put downs. Try not to say too much;
with love, a hug or a comforting hand
on the shoulder can say more than
words at times. Keep questions to a
minimum; just listen. Even though
we may not understand, we need to
listen and guide.
當我們關懷的朋友準備好分享心事時，不要批評或指責他們。
試著傾聽，不需多說話，摟他們的肩和擁抱他們比文字有用。
聆聽時一段時間可以詢問，並繼續聆聽，雖然我們可能無法理解，我們傾聽並引導他們訴說。
However, while we encourage
and comfort, we may also have to
highlight the need to repent and
change, especially, if the person’s
plight is the result of his or her sins. In
such a case, we need to point out to
our friends that true comfort comes
from repenting one’s wrong. We
need to turn to God with a contrite
heart and seek for His forgiveness (cf.
Ps 51:17).
總之，當我們鼓勵或安慰的對象是犯罪者時，我們必須提點他們要悔改和改變。
我們必須提醒著些朋友向神認罪悔改，神必安慰。
詩篇51篇17節：「神所要的祭就是憂傷的靈；神啊，憂傷痛悔的心，你必不輕看。」
JOY IN CHRIST 在主裡喜樂
“Nevertheless, God who comforts
the downcast, comforted us by the
coming of Titus.” (2 Cor 7:6)
Helping a hurting friend is both
a blessing and a responsibility for
Christians. With God’s grace, love,
and healing power and through
sincere intercessions, we can be
ambassadors of comfort and hope.
By sharing our loved ones’ burdens
and pain, we will experience joy
when our Lord Jesus Christ leads
them out of the valley of darkness.
哥林多後書7章6節：「但那安慰喪氣之人的神藉著提多來安慰了我們。」
幫助傷痛中的朋友是基督徒的祝福也是責任，
藉著神的恩典、愛和醫治的大能，並且透過真誠的代禱，我們可以成為安慰和希望的大使，
在互相分擔重擔和傷痛的過程中，我們將因親見主耶穌基督引領他們走出死蔭幽谷而喜樂。
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
Manna 嗎哪 56 (1)