11. Manna issue 84 - My Journey of Serving the Lord 服事神的道路
Aun Quek Chin—Singapore 新加坡 陳安國傳道
A BOY’S SPIRITUAL AWAKENING 男孩靈性的覺醒
I grew up in the church at Kulim, a town in the state of Kedah in north Malaysia.
Back then, we had no deacons or sermon speakers,
so deacons from other churches in the state would be sent to Kulim to conduct services.
Every Sabbath, my family would travel an hour by bus to church.
But there were times when—after a long wait—we would find out that the assigned deacon could not make it.
In those instances, we would simply pray together and then go home.
If no one turned up within half an hour,
then it was likely that there would be no service that week.
Seeing this state of affairs, I told myself that, when I finished my studies,
I would become a preacher to help deliver sermons and pastor the flock of God.
我成長於 Kulim 居林教會，是馬來西亞北部 Kedah 吉打州的城鎮。
那個時候，我們沒有執事或講道人員，
所以會從這州的其他教會派執事到居林來領會。
每個安息日，我全家會搭1小時的巴士到教會。
但是有很多次-我們等了很久-發現安排的執長無法及時趕到。
遇到這些情況的時候，我們就一起禱告，然後回家。
若是30分鐘內沒有人出現，很有可能當周就不會有聚會。
看到事情發展成這種狀況，我就自已告訴自已，
當我完成學業的時候，我要成為傳道，幫忙講道及牧養神的羊群。
When I was around fifteen, in my third year of high school, I attended a spiritual meeting.
At this meeting, Elder John Yang from Taiwan spoke on the judgment of the last day from the Book of Revelation.
His sermons really stirred us and made us realize how close the day of the Lord was.
We suddenly felt the urgency to receive the Holy Spirit,
otherwise we would not be able to enter the kingdom of God.
We prayed earnestly during the many prayer sessions, and by the final session,
I was the only one who had not received the Holy Spirit.
當我大約15歲的時候，那時是高三，參加了靈恩會。
靈恩會時，台灣的楊約翰長老談到，從啟示錄看末日的審判。
他的講道真的激勵我，讓我明白主來的日子是如何的臨近。
我們突然覺得要受聖靈是很緊急的事，不然就不能進神的國。
其中很多次的禱告會，我們都很迫切禱告，
到了最後一次的時候，我是唯一一個沒有得到聖靈的人。
Receiving the Holy Spirit 得聖靈
During the final prayer session dedicated to praying for the Holy Spirit, everyone was interceding for me.
I was very touched, despite my anxiety, to hear their pleas on my behalf.
However, after a while, my sense of urgency decreased when I realized
that the last day would not come immediately and I would still have time to pray for the Holy Spirit.
Then, it occurred to me that without the Holy Spirit,
I would not be accepted to train as a full-time preacher.
My anxiety levels rose again because I really wanted to pastor the church.
I pleaded with the Lord Jesus, “O Lord, please give me the Holy Spirit.
Otherwise, there is no way I can become a preacher to pastor your flock.”
最後一次求聖靈禱告會的時候，大家都為我代禱。
一聽到他們為我代求，我雖然很緊張，但很感動。
然而不久之後，當我了解到末日不會馬上來到，
我仍會有時間求聖靈，聚張感就減輕了。
那時，就突想到，若是沒有聖靈，
就不會被接納，受訓為全職傳道。
我就再一次感到很緊張，因為我真的很想牧養教會。
我向主耶穌的祈求，
"主啊，請賜給我聖靈，不然，我就不可能成為傳道來牧養你的羊群"。
As I prayed in this manner, suddenly, a deep sorrow welled up within me.
The Lord’s words came to mind, “Are you willing to suffer as a preacher?”
In those days, a preacher’s life was a hard one.
As the believers were very poor,
the church could not afford to pay the preachers much.
In addition, not all church leaders supported the idea of having full-time evangelists.
Because all church workers in Malaysia at that time were volunteers who served the church in their spare time,
they could not understand why a preacher could not do the same.
當我用這樣態度禱告的時候，突然就有一股憂傷在我內心湧流而出。
主的話語出現在我心中，"你願意因為成為傳道而受苦嗎？"
在那段時間，傳道的日子不好過。
因為信徒也很窮，所以教會付不起很好的待遇給傳道。
不只這樣，並不是所有的教會負責人，同意要有全職傳道人的想法。
因為當時全部馬來西亞的教會工人，都是自願用空閒的時間服事教會，
他們不能了解，為何傳道不能以同樣的方式來作。
Even so, I told the Lord that I was willing.
I wanted to pastor the flock of God.
I was afraid of neither difficulties nor poverty.
I was then moved by the Holy Spirit.
I cried so hard that I could not pray properly.
When that prayer ended, my friends beside me were certain I had received the Holy Spirit.
They had heard me speaking in tongues,
but I could not be sure because I had been crying during the prayer.
即使這樣，我告訴神，我願意。
我要牧養神的羊群。
我即不怕困難，也不怕貧窮。
然後我就得到聖靈的感動。
我哭到很傷心，不能好好禱告。
當這次禱告結束的時候，我身旁的朋友就很確定，我得到了聖靈。
他們聽到了我的靈言，但是我不太確定，因為禱告時，我一直哭。
In the next prayer, all my doubts disappeared when I clearly spoke in tongues.
I was joyful but, at the same time, I felt some stress.
Since God had granted me the Holy Spirit,
I had to fulfill my part by offering myself for full-time ministry.
Ahead of me would be poverty and the opposition of those who did not believe in having full-time preachers.
下次禱告時，當我很清楚的說出靈言，所有的疑慮就消除了。
我很高興，但同時，也感到壓力。
因為神已經賜給我聖靈，所以我就要實現我的責任，獻上自已全職來宣道。
放在我前面的，有貧窮，有那些因為不信全職傳道人的反對者。
A YOUTH’S PREPARATION AND CRISES 青年的準備和危機
Sermon Speaking and Religious Education 講道和宗教教育
Returning home after the spiritual meeting, I changed my aim in life.
I no longer focused solely on my studies and the pursuit of wealth.
In order to equip myself to be a preacher, I consistently read the Bible and church publications.
In order to practice sermon speaking, I started a nightly family service.
I made my younger siblings sit and listen to me speak.
My parents were also supportive and would often attend the service.
At the same time, I took the initiative to start religious education classes at home,
roping in my siblings and cousins to be my students.
靈恩會之後就回家，我改變了自已生命的目標。
不再只專注學業，和財富的追求。
為了裝備好成為傳道人，我持續讀聖經及教會刊物。
為了練習講道，我開始自已的晚間家庭聚會。
我要自已的弟弟妹妹坐下來，聽我講。
而父母親也很贊同，常常會加入聚會。
同時，我啟動了家中的宗教教育課程，
拉自已的手足和表兄弟姐妹加入成為我的學生。
Loss of Motivation 失去鬥志
That was how I started preparing myself, but such fervor did not last.
My enthusiasm gradually waned because I had no one to encourage and guide me.
Those little ones came to listen to me only because I forced them to,
so I felt less and less motivated to speak.
As my faith grew colder, I returned to my old ambitions—
to do well in my studies, to graduate, to work, and to escape poverty.
After I had established myself, then I would think about how to help the church.
這就是我怎麼作自我準備的工作，但是這樣的熱心並沒有持續下去。
我的熱情漸漸地消逝，因為沒人可以鼓勵我，帶領我。
而那些來聽講的小朋友，是因為我強迫他們，
所以我覺得越來越少感動去講道。
當信心變得越加冷淡的時候，我回轉到自已的舊企圖心 -
在學業上好好發揮，畢業，工作，脫離貧困。
在我自已有所成就的時候，那麼就可以考慮如何來幫助教會。
My mother saw the change in me and thus gently reminded me, saying,
“It has been some time since we had a family service.”
We still held a nightly service, but we would just pray—
there was no more hymn singing or sermon speaking.
My mother added, “Do you realize that your prayer is different from the past?
Is there something wrong?”
Although I knew clearly what was wrong, I did not reply.
我母親看到我身上的轉變，因此就很溫柔的提醒我，說，
"自從我們開始家庭聚會，已經過一段時間了"。
我們仍會舉辨晚間聚會，但是只有禱告 -
不再有唱讚美詩和講道。
她又補充，
"你知道自已的禱告和過去不一樣了嗎？
有什麼問題嗎？"
雖然我很清楚知道有什麼問題，但我沒有回應。
A Warning Vision 警告的異象
One night, I was very tired so I decided to have an early night.
As it was only 7 pm, my mother asked through my closed bedroom door if I was sick.
Before I could reply, I heard a frightening cry, like from a horror movie.
I tried to open my eyes and get up, but I could not do either.
I have had nightmares before in which I could not move,
but after some time, I would wake up and realize it was a dream.
This experience was different.
I had just lay on the bed, and was not yet asleep.
I heard my mother clearly but could not answer her.
Because I had not replied, she called out again—
I was hoping she would come into my room,
but instead, she just remained outside, grumbling to herself.
有一天晚上，我很累，所以決定很早就寢。
那時只有晚上7點，我聽到很可怕的哭聲，就像恐怖片一樣。
我試著張開眼睛，從床上坐起來，但這二件事都作不到。
以前我有過去有過惡夢，夢中不能動彈，
但是過一段時間之後，才醒過來，發現作了一個夢。
這次的經驗很不一樣。
我只是躺在床上，而且還沒有睡著。
我很清楚聽到母親說話，但不能回答她。
因為我沒有回應，她又叫了一次-
那時我很希望她能進房間來，
反過來，她一直站在外面，一直自已發牢騷。
The terrifying voice grew louder and sounded like it was approaching me.
I felt like I was being dragged out of bed, and I fainted from the shock.
When I regained consciousness, I found myself walking down a dark road, or rather, being dragged along it.
Human wails came from both sides, but it was so dark I could not even see my own fingers,
let alone see who was wailing.
I did not think that I had been taken to hell.
Neither could it be judgment day because the Bible describes the last judgement
and hell as a lake of fire, and this did not match my surroundings.
So I wondered to myself, “What place is this?”
這可怕的聲音變得越來越大聲，聽起就像逐漸逼近我一樣。
我覺得，自已被拖離床，而且因為震驚而昏過去。
當我重新恢復意識的時候，發覺自已走在黑暗的路上，
或者反過來說，是在那條路上被拖著走。
道路兩旁傳來很多人的哭聲，但是這條路很黑，我甚至看不見自已的手指，
更不用說能看到是誰在哭了。
我並沒有意識到，自已已經要被拖去地獄。
而這種情況，也不是審判日，
因為聖經描鸚的最後審判及地獄，就像硫磺火湖一樣，
這種狀況和我身邊週圍的情況不同。
所以我就自已想著，"這到底是什麼地方？"
Later, I was taken to a brighter place.
There was a queue, so I joined it.
Facing the queue was a man clothed in black.
He held a sword shaped like a fish bone.
When those in the queue reached the front, other black-hooded men would drag them before this man.
He would then stab them with his fish-bone sword.
The scene was so vivid that I still remember it today.
What was even more haunting were the cries of those who had been stabbed.
They would fall to the ground, writhing and wailing, but they could not die.
I knew with a sense of dread that I was going to be the last one.
後來，我被炎到一個明亮的地方。
有人正在排隊，我也加入排隊。
面對著眾人排隊隊伍的人，穿著一身黑衣。
他手裡拿著一把劍，就像魚刺一樣很銳利。
當排隊的人走到他前面的時候，
就會有其他穿著黑頭罩袍子的人，把他們拉到那個黑衣人前面。
然後，他就會用他魚刺般尖銳的劍，刺他們。
這個場景是那麼的鮮明生動，直到今日我仍記得。
而那更令人感到恐怖的是，那些被劍刺到的人，所發出的哭聲。
他們會倒在地上，不斷蠕動哭嚎，但是又死不了。
因為覺得很可怕，我知道自已最後會被刺。
By then, I was praying extremely fervently.
I repented before the Lord and asked for forgiveness.
I told the Lord I no longer wanted the mortarboard or wealth;
I just wanted to become a preacher.
As I kept praying, repenting of my sins, a light suddenly shone down.
The cacophonous wailing stopped.
And from the source of the light emerged melodious music,
as if there was a large group of people singing;
the music slowly drifted over to me.
I thought, The Lord has answered my prayers.
I waited for the Lord to save me.
That anticipation caused overwhelming joy to well up within me.
I felt deeply blessed to have the Lord as my Savior—
I had seen how people suffered because they did not have the Savior to save them.
A cloud hovered above my head.
I was so excited, thinking this would be my moment of salvation.
But the cloud drifted away.
I was devastated—the Lord had left me behind.
In fear and sadness, I cried out, “O Lord! Save me!”
就在那個時候，我很極度迫切的禱告。
在主面前，我悔改，求神赦免。
我向神說，我不再想要學士畢業帽，或財富；
我只想要成為傳道。
隨著我繼續禱告，悔改自已的罪，突然就有一道光照著我。
那些刺耳的哭嚎聲不見了。
而且從那光源中，湧出了美妙的音樂，
就好像有一大群人在唱歌；
而音樂聲慢慢地漂向我，圍繞著我。
我想，神回應了我的禱告。
我等著神來救我。
而這樣的期盼，就在我的心中，變成了無法抑制的喜樂，泉湧而出。
我深深覺得受祝福，因為有神成為我的拯救者 -
我早就看過人們是怎樣在受苦，因為他們沒有救主來拯救他們。
一朵雲盤旋在我的頭上。
我就很興奮，認為這將會是我得救的時刻。
但雲漂走了，我就覺得很絕望 - 神把我留在這裡自已走了。
就在害怕和悲傷的時候，我大聲哭喊，
"主啊，救我！"
It was then that my mother ran into my room.
“What happened?”
she asked anxiously, “Why are you shouting?”
也就是那時，我的母親跑進我房間。
"發生什麼事了？"
她很緊張的問著，
"為什麼你在大叫？"
I replied, “Nothing happened. But let us pray.”
我回答，"沒事，但是我們一起來禱告吧。"
When I knelt down to pray, I was filled with the Holy Spirit.
I felt like an abandoned baby who was suddenly saved.
I was filled with joy, but a tinge of fear remained.
In fact, so intense was the fear of abandonment, I can still feel it today.
當我跪下來禱告的時候，聖靈就變得很充滿。
我感覺，自已就像是一個被棄嬰，突然被人救了。
於是心中充滿了喜樂，但仍有一些害怕。
事實上，對於被拋棄的恐懼感很強烈，今日我仍然感覺得到。
As we continued to pray, I wept aloud.
My prayer was so loud that my nearest neighbour,
whose house was about two hundred meters away, could hear me.
The following day, she asked my mother what had happened to me to make me cry so piteously.
From that day onwards, we resumed our family services with sermon speaking and hymn singing.
On my part, I readjusted my ambitions and direction in life.
I no longer aimed to graduate and attain great wealth;
I no longer sought the material pleasures the world could offer.
I just resolved to be a good preacher.
隨著我們持續禱告，我就大聲哭出來。
我的禱告超級大聲，就算是最靠近的鄰居，
他們的房子位於二百米之外，仍能聽見。
隔天，她問我母親，我發生了什麼事，為何哭的這麼慘。
從那天開始，我們繼續家庭聚會，其中有講道和唱詩。
而我的工作，是重新調整自已的企圖心，轉換自已生命的方向。
我不再朝向畢業，得到大財富的方向走；
我不再尋求世界上，出現的物質享樂。
我正好下定決心，要成為一位好傳道。
Test of Resolution 決心的測試
Since the minimum requirement to become a full-time preacher was a high school certificate,
I planned to apply for preacher training on my graduation from high school.
But when the time came, I did not register because I had found a good job in tin mining.
It was easy work with a high wage.
No formal qualifications were required, but it was dangerous work.[1]
因為要成為全職傳道的最低要求，就是高中畢業証書，
我就計畫要在高中畢業之後，馬上申請神學院的傳道訓練。
當時機來臨的時候，我並沒有去註冊，因為我找一個挖鍚礦的好工作。
這個工作薪水很高，又很輕鬆。
並不需要任何正式的學歷要求，但是這個工作很危險。[1]
I was paid $600 per month.
For comparison, a primary school teacher was paid $300 per month,
and a full-time preacher started at $60 per month.
When I told my mother that I wanted to become a full-time preacher,
she asked me to consider carefully.
She thought that I would be better off working at my full-time secular job and helping out part-time in sermon speaking.
My monthly salary was a huge contribution to our family finances.
However, my mother left the decision to me.
每個月我領到 $600 美金。
比起來，小學老師每個月只領 $300 美金，
全職傳道一開始，每月只能領 $60 美金。
當我跟母親說，要去成為全職傳道的時候，
她要好仔細謹慎的考慮。
她認為，若可以從事全職世俗的工作，是比較好的選擇，
並且利用閒瑕之時，幫忙講道。
每個月我的薪水，對家中經濟的幫補，貢獻很大。
然而，我的母親讓我自已決定這件事。
I thus told the Lord Jesus that, because my siblings were still young,
I wanted to work for a few years to support my family before becoming a full-time preacher.
Moreover, the concept of a full-time preacher employed by the church was still not well accepted.
I told myself that perhaps the time was not right yet, and I continued in my secular career.
因此，我這樣向主耶穌訴說，因為我的弟弟妹妹都還小，
我想工作幾年，在我成為傳道之前，給家裡一家幫助。
不僅如此，教會聘講全職傳道的這種想法，仍還未被全部接受。
我自已這樣想，或許時機還沒來到，
因而就繼續我世上的工作。
A PREACHER’S CALL AND TESTING 傳道的呼加和試驗
Motivation 感動
One day at work, I heard a sheep bleating.
I wondered who would rear sheep in such a deep mining pit;
perhaps a lost sheep had wandered to our mine.
I worked in the engine room and was in charge of switching on
(or off) the water supply for the monitor pump when instructed.
Hearing the sheep’s bleating, I stood up and left the engine room to take a look.
To my surprise, I saw a sheep right in front of me.
But when I looked again, it was gone.
Since I could still hear its bleating, I took another careful look in case it had run off at my approach.
The sound was very clear—a continuous and pitiful cry—and I felt a deep sorrow.
I even went out to the top of the hill (where the engine room was located)
just in case the sheep had wandered there.
But I could find no sheep.
有一天工作的時候，我聽到有一隻羊，咩咩叫。
就覺得很奇怪，到底會是誰，會在這樣的深礦坑中，養了羊；
或許是一隻迷路的羊，逛到了我們的礦坑。
我的工作是在發動機室，操作機器運轉，
當受到指示，就要負責開關水源，並監看抽水機的動態。
一聽到羊在叫，我站起來，離開發動機室查看。
讓我嚇一跳的是，一隻羊正站在我前面。
再看一眼，羊就消失了。
因為我還能聽到羊叫聲，就小心查看一下，
為了預防萬一他在我來到的時候，跑開。
這個聲音很清楚-是一連串痛苦的哭叫聲-讓我感到很深的悲傷。
甚至我跑出去到山上，(那裡是運轉室是所在)
就羊在那裡到處亂咆。
但是就是一直找不到羊。
Suddenly, I felt a pain in my heart.
It seemed as if someone was singing the hymn, The Ninety and Nine,[2] within me.
The first verse goes:
突然我感到一陣心痛。
就好像，有人在唱讚美詩，在我心中唱99隻羊。
第一節是這樣唱的。
There were ninety and nine that safely lay in the shelter of the fold.
But one was out on the hills away far off from the gates of gold.
Away on the mountains wild and bare, away from the tender shepherd’s care...
有九十九，在主欄中安眠。
但有一隻遠離真門，迷路諸山之間。
遠在荒山、深谷徘徊，遠離良牧照顧慈懷...
The voice within me kept echoing, “Away on the mountains wild and bare.”
心中的聲音一聲回響著，"遠在荒山、深谷徘徊"。
I understood.
In order to help my family, I had delayed applying to train as a preacher.
However, in the house of God, there were many who needed pastoring.
I had only thought of my own family, I had not considered the house of God.
My family was poor, but no one had yet lost their physical or spiritual lives.
In the house of God, many sheep had already gone astray.
If there were no shepherd to pastor them, they would sin and die spiritually.
我知道，為了幫補家庭，我延後了申請受訓成為傳道。
然而神的家中，有許多人需要牧養。
我只考慮到自已的家庭，沒有想到神的家。
我家很窮，到目前為止，卻沒有人失喪肉體和靈性的生命。
而神家中，許多羊已走迷失。
若無牧著來牧養他們，就會犯罪靈性死已。
At that point, I resolved to join the ministry.
My colleagues and my boss asked why I suddenly quit when I was doing well at work.
They were anxious to retain me because few youths were willing to work so far from the city,
in a quiet place with nothing much to do.
They initially thought I had found a lucrative job,
but when I told them I was quitting my $600-per-month job to earn $60,
they laughed and asked whether I was mad.
I reassured them I was not.
就在那時刻，我下定決心加入服事宣道的工作。
老闆和同事都在問，工作很順利，為何突然要離。
他們很緊張要挽留我，因為很少有年青人要遠離城市那麼遠來工作，
在一個很寧靜之地，沒有很多娛樂。
一開始他們以為我找到一個更加優渥的工作，
但是當我跟他們說，要辭掉每月$600美金的工作，只賺每月$60美金，
他們就大笑，問我是不是瘋了。
我再次保証自已沒事。
Application 申請
In 1972, at the age of nineteen,
I lodged my application to be a trainee preacher with my home church of Kulim.
This was accepted at a meeting of Malaysia’s northern region churches.
They decided that I should shadow and learn from the deacons as they went about their pastoral work.
The General Assembly (GA) of West Malaysia and Singapore would discuss my application at the annual year-end delegates conference.
In the meantime, I was sent to different towns to deliver sermons.
1972，19歲的時候，
我送出申請，要在當地居林教會成為傳道實習生。
而申請於馬來西亞北區教務會議中，通過了。
他們決定，當執事在從事牧養工作的時候，我要去效法學習。
西馬及新加坡總會，年末代表大會時，會討論我的申請案。
同時之間，我被派到不同城鎮去講道。
By the end of 1972, at the Annual Delegates Conference,
the meeting attendees could not reach a consensus over my application.
Church leaders who had opposed the church’s employment of full-time preachers continued to oppose the approval of my application.
However, some supported my application.
Finally, two elderly ministers suggested,
“Why don’t we allow him to work in the West Malaysia and Singapore churches for two years?
For one thing, it will allow us to get to know him better.
And for another, it will be a test of his resolve,
so we can judge whether he is suitable to be a preacher.”
1972年底，年度代表大會的時候，
會議代表對於我的申請不能達成一致的結論。
反對教會雇用全職傳道的教會負責人，仍持續反對同意我的申請。
然而有些人贊同我的申請。
最後，二位年長的負責人建議，
"為何我們不讓他在西馬及新加皮先工作二年呢？"
一來，可以讓我們更了解他。
二來，可以測試他的決心，
那麼就能確定他是否合適傳道的工作。"
Acceptance 申請過關
Hence, in 1973, I was officially appointed to minister the churches in West Malaysia and Singapore.
A year later, my application to train as a full-time preacher was accepted at another GA meeting;
my original probation of two years was effectively cut to one.
In 1974, I was sent to Taiwan to attend the theological course.
因此，1973年，我正式為按立來服事西馬和新加坡的眾教會。
一年後，在另一次總會會議中，我申請要受訓為全職傳道的事，通過了。
起始的試用的二年，被加速的減為一年。
於1974年，就被派到台灣來參加訓學院。
I was the first church-funded preacher from West Malaysia to participate in the theological course.
It was also the first time the Malaysian churches had started training a full-time preacher.
Two sisters from Malaysia had gone to Taiwan to participate in the theological course a few years before.
However, both of them were self-funded.[3]
我是第一位從西馬來，教會贊助的傳道，來參加神學院。
也是第一次有馬來西亞教會開始訓練全職傳道。
幾年前，也有二位來自馬來西亞的姐妹，來神學院學習。
然而他們兩個是自費的。[3]
Challenge 挑戰
It was not easy to be the first theological student in Malaysia because of the church’s financial situation.
A trainee preacher had to be prepared to suffer financially and even psychologically.
For instance, I was regularly asked why an able-bodied young man like myself could not make my own living—
was I not ashamed to depend on the church to support me?
Some questioned whether I took up full-time ministry because I could not further my studies.
因為教會財務的情況，在馬來西亞要成為神學生並不容易。
傳道實習生要準備在財務，甚至心理上受苦。
例如，我常被問到，為何像你一個身體健全的青年，不能自已維持生計-
難道你要靠教會來幫補，不覺得羞恥嗎？
還有其他一些問題是，
是不是因為你不能更進一步深造，所以才選擇全職傳道人的工作。
My wife and I had to suffer these hardships but neither of us regret my service as a preacher.
Although we faced opposition and disdain, the Lord never spurned our offering.
我和妻子要去忍受這些困難的情況，
但是我們二人都沒有後悔成為傳道人來服事神。
雖然要面對眾人的反對和輕視，神卻從未摒棄我們的奉獻。
The Lord’s Abidance through Dark Valleys 主同在走過死蔭幽谷。
There were many occasions when I was discouraged and wanted to give up.
I did not want my wife to have to suffer this unfair treatment,
so, at one point, I decided to leave the full-time ministry.
I knew that this would disappoint the Lord because He had guided and helped me all along the way.
But by then, I had had enough. I asked the Lord to forgive my decision.
Although I felt guilty, I really could not imagine having to suffer these hardships for the rest of my life.
有好幾次，我覺得很灰心，想要放棄。
我不願自已的生活方式，受到這種不公平的對待，
所以，曾經有那麼一刻，我決定要離開全職傳道的工作。
我知道，這會讓主失望，因為一路都是祂在帶領我幫助我。
但是那個時候，我真的覺得受夠了。
我求主原諒我的決定。
雖然覺得有罪惡感，但真的不能想像，餘生都要忍受這樣的困境。
As all these thoughts were running through my mind during prayer,
the image of the Lord Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane came to mind.
The words of Jesus sounded in my heart, “Can you not suffer with Me for a moment longer?”
Moved by the Holy Spirit, I wept.
Of course, I gave up that decision.
Had the Lord not always helped me, I would have given up long ago.
禱告時，正當腦中浮現這些想法的時候，
這時看到了主耶穌在客西瑪尼園禱告的情形。
耶穌的話語出現在心中，
"難道你不能跟我受苦再久一點嗎？"
因為受到聖靈的感動，我就哭了。
當然，也就放棄了離職的想法。
若不是有神隨時幫助著我，我很久以前早就放棄了。
There was also a time—spanning a few years—
when I went through an especially difficult time.
My sister was suffering the last stage of cancer,
and her pain was so excruciating she would cry out loud.
It broke my heart to see her in pain.
I had interceded, even with fasting, and asked the Lord to lessen her pain but apparently to no avail.
Some seized that moment to criticize me.
At that time, the International Assembly of the True Jesus Church
was grappling with the case of a preacher who had committed many misdemeanors.
This preacher enjoyed a high profile and many supporters.
As I had openly spoken out against his conduct,
I was accused of maligning him because of my jealousy.
They even cited all the grief I was suffering—my wife’s miscarriage,
my father’s demise, and my sister’s painful cancer—
as evidence that I was wrong to speak up against him.
也有一段時間，大約幾年之間-
那時我特別經歷了一段困難的時間。
妹妹那時正是處於癌症末期，
痛苦大大的折磨著她，甚至會大聲哭出來。
看到她這麼的痛苦，讓我很傷心。
我為她代禱，甚至為她禁食禱告，
求主能減輕她的痛苦，但是很明顯的是，神不同意。
有些人抓住那個時間來批評我。
那時，真耶穌教會聯總，正因為一個傳道品行不良，
因這個案子深受困擾。
這個傳道行事很高調，很愛有眾多的追隨者。
因為我公開地批評他的行為，
就被控因為出於忌妒而毀謗。
他們甚至引用一切我所受到的傷害 - 妻子流產，
父親逝世，妹妹痛苦的癌症來攻擊 -
說，這就是因為我說他壞話是錯誤的証據。
It would have been easier for me to adopt a neutral, self-protective stance—
to keep quiet and allow this (now) ex-preacher to continue speaking sermons and conducting Holy Communion.
But as a servant of the church, it was my responsibility to take care of the church.
So I spoke out.
Yet in trying to do the right thing, I was seen as the wrongdoer.
It was indeed suffering upon suffering.
對我而言，採取中立，自我保護的立場 是比較容易的 -
保持安靜，讓這個現今離職的傳道人，繼續他的講道，舉辨聖餐禮。
但身為教會的僕人，我的責任就是要照顧教會。
所以我大聲說出來。
雖然試著作對的事，但被別人看作是錯的。
真是雪上加霜。
Honestly, I did not even know what to tell the Lord during prayer.
I could not cease praying but I literally did not know how to pray.
Often, I just knelt there silently, almost as if I were giving the Lord the cold shoulder.
But I was not—I simply did not know what else to do or say.
I continued to kneel before Him because He was the only One I could rely on.
In my grief, I finally grumbled to Him, “Why should I suffer these things?
Have I not suffered enough? You have not helped me!”
老實說，在禱告的時候，我甚至不知道要向神說什麼。
我不能停止禱告，但實際上卻不知要如何禱告。
常常只是案靜的跪下來，大部份都讓神得到冷淡的對待。
但是我並想這麼作，只是我不知道要作什麼，說什麼。
我持續跪在祂面前，因為祂是我唯一可依靠的人。
在悲傷之後，最後我也抱怨了，
"為何我會遇到這些事而受苦？
難道我還苦吃得不夠多嗎？
神你都沒有幫我！"
Suddenly, the image of the Lord nailed on the cross appeared before me.
I saw people taking something to the Lord, but He did not accept it.
The Bible records that after they crucified the Lord Jesus,
the Roman soldiers gave Him vinegar mixed with myrrh.
This mixture was intended to reduce His physical agony on the cross—
an act of compassion from the soldiers.
But the Lord refused because He had to suffer on our behalf.
突然，主耶穌釘十架的影像出現在我面前。
我看到，大家都在說有關主的事情，但祂並不贊同這些講法。
聖經記載，他們把主耶穌釘十字架之後，
羅馬士兵拿混合著沒藥的醋給耶穌。
這樣混合配方的目的是，要減輕十字架上，主耶穌肉體的痛苦 -
發自士兵同情心的行為。
但主耶穌沒有接受，因為祂為我們的原故，要來受苦。
I immediately understood.
My sister could reduce her pain by increasing her dosage of painkillers.
But she knew that this came at the cost of shortening her life further,
so she just endured the pain.
My vision helped me explain to my sister,
“This is the suffering that our Lord wants us to go through.
During His crucifixion, He could have reduced His pain,
but He did not do so, for our sakes.
If we are suffering today, and there is nothing to stop us
from relieving our suffering, then we should thank the Lord.”
我關上就明白了。
妹妹可以藉著增加止痛劑的劑量，來減輕痛苦。
但她知道，這樣作的代價，會更一步來縮短她的性命，
所以她就忍耐這樣疼痛。
我的異象，讓我明白妹妹的情況，
"這種受苦的過程，是主耶穌要我們去經歷的。
主耶穌在釘十字架的時候，祂可以選擇減少痛苦的情況，
但為我們的原故，祂沒有這麼作。
若我們今日要受苦，是沒有什麼可以阻止我們來減輕自已的痛苦的，
那麼，我們就該感謝神。"
From that time onwards, I no longer grumbled;
I only hoped for the Lord’s will to be fulfilled.
That period was a great trial for me, but the Lord helped me again and again.
His love and comfort enabled me to persevere to the very end.
從那時候開始，我就不再抱怨了：
我只希望主的旨意可以成全。
那段時間對我而言是個很大的試煉，
但是主耶穌一次再一次的幫助我。
祂的慈愛和安慰，讓我可以忍耐直到最後。
A RETIRED PREACHER’S GRATITUDE FOR GRACE 一個退休傳道對恩典感謝的心情
When I look back and see how I was able to last
until the end of my official tenure as a full-time minister,
I can see God’s preservation and God’s grace.
I offered up my youth for the Lord,
but He allowed me to enjoy the latter years of my life with my wife.
Throughout these many years, I have indeed experienced much of God’s grace.
It is the Lord who led us personally through those difficult days.
當我回首從前，看到自已全職傳道，正式的任期如何能持續到最後，
我能了解神的保守和恩典。
我為主獻上自已的青年時期，
但祂讓我可以和妻子享受自已餘下的年日。
經過了這麼多年，我真的已經體驗到很多神的恩典。
就是主耶穌，親自帶領我們，走過那些艱困的日子。
Today, in my retirement, God has given me a more peaceful life.
I may not know what tomorrow will bring but I know that the Lord will be there to guide me.
The Lord will guide all of us through all the tomorrows He has prepared for us.
I was willing to put my hand into the Lord’s nail-scarred hands and let Him lead.
Are you willing?
今日，我退休了，神給了我一段更加平靜的生活。
我或許不會知道，明天會怎麼樣，
但我深知，主會同在帶領我。
主會帶領我們大家，走過祂為我們預備明天的一切。
我願把自已的手，交託在主那有著釘痕的手，讓祂帶領。
你願意嗎？
[1] I worked as a water jet operator for a tin mining company in Ipoh, Malaysia.
High-pressure water jets (known as monitors) were aimed at ore-bearing cliffs to break the earth up.
The resultant slurry (mud) would be washed into the pit.
The tin ore could then be separated from the earth by panning,
or by a gravel pump used to pump the material up a huge wooden sluice box to trap the tin ore.
The job was dangerous because the pit would grow increasingly steep,
causing mudslides that could trap and kill the miners.
[1] 我在馬來西亞宜保的採錫公司，擔任高壓水刀操作員。
高壓水刀(也叫作監控)，是想要破壞含礦的山崖，讓土塊浮出。
衍生的泥漿會被沖到一個深坑。
然後錫礦才會被從土中淘出來，
或是用吸碎石馬達吸出來，集中到大型木製洗礦槽，讓其他物質流出來，礦卡在槽內。
這個工作很危險，因為深坑會變得極度陡峭，
引起土石流，而封住了洞內的礦工，害死他們。
[2] By Elizabeth C. Clephane (1830–1869).
[3] In fact, in those days, the church did not allow sisters to speak on the pulpit.
If there were no brothers to interpret, the sisters had to interpret from below the pulpit.
[3] 事實上，這些日子，教會不准姐妹在台上講道。
若沒有弟兄可以翻譯，姐妹要在台下翻譯。
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
歡迎主內同靈來信加入翻譯
Manna 嗎哪 56 (1)