10. Manna issue 59 - My Journey to Marriage 我的婚姻旅程
The love and mercy of God guided her through uncertainty. 神的慈愛憐憫穿越迷茫
Suechuan G Jeng—Taichung, Taiwan 台灣台中
When I was young, I sketched out what I thought my other half would be like.
That portrait of him changed with the passing years,
but I never anticipated that I would be marrying a complete stranger!
當我年輕的時候，我曾經描繪過自已心目中另一半將會是什麼樣子。
他的容貌會隨著歲月的流逝而改變，
但我從來沒有想過，自已會嫁給一個完全的陌生人！
It happened on a Wednesday.
The sky was cloudy and it was cold.
Friends poured into the church from miles away, not to see me but to see him.
They wanted to see what kind of man I was marrying.
They were amazed that a person who loved to sing about love and romance
chose to marry in such an old-fashioned way.
此事發生在星期三。
天空烏雲密布，氣溫寒冷。
很多朋友會從幾英里外湧進教會，不是為了見我，而是為了見他。
他們想要看看我會嫁給什麼樣的男人。
他們很驚訝，一個很喜歡歌頌愛情和浪漫的人，
卻選擇以這樣老派的方式結婚。
Yet, a friend in church remarked, “This is a miracle.”
She knew my history of battling to marry according to God’s will,
something I had struggled with for many years.
然而，教會有一位朋友評論道：“這是一個奇蹟。”
她知道我曾經努力掙紮要照神的旨意結婚，
這是我多年來一直努力應對的事情。
PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED 結婚的壓力
By the spring of 1971, finding me a husband had become the number one priority in my family.
My parents, who were unbelievers,
feared that their daughter would pass the spring of her youth alone and forgotten.
They sounded calls for help from all corners,
and matchmaker after matchmaker came to our door reporting for duty.
到了 1971 年春天，我家的頭等大事，就是要幫我找個老公。
我的父母都沒有信主，
他們擔心自已的女兒會孤獨度過青春的美好時光，而被遺忘。
他們向四面八方發出求救的呼聲，
而許多媒婆紛紛來到我們家門前報到。
I had been fervently studying the Bible at the time;
I would read the Bible, pray, and attend church services daily.
I longed to graduate quickly from a new believer to a mature and strong Christian.
I told Jesus firmly at that time,
“Lord, I must live for You.
I will marry only if You want me to.”
當時我正很熱切的研讀聖經；
每天我都會讀聖經，禱告並參加教會聚會。
我渴望從一個新信徒很快畢業，成長為一個成熟堅強的基督徒。
我當時堅定的告訴耶穌，
“主啊，我必須為您而活。
只有當您希望我結婚時，我才會結婚。”
Even though I continued to be introduced to non-church members,
my heart remained steadfast.
I participated in the matchmaking only to comfort my parents.
儘管我繼續被介紹給非教會信徒，
我的內心依然很堅定。
我參加相親只為了安慰父母。
After each introduction,
I would pray to God with the same conviction.
I knew that He would not want His sheep,
which took so much effort and hard work to find,
to be led away by a stranger.
每次介紹完後，
我會以同樣的信念向神禱告。
我知道祂不會要祂的小羊，
已經花了這麼多力氣和辛苦工作才找到的小羊，
去被陌生人帶走。
As time passed by, ministers and sisters at church
also started talking to me about getting married.
Soon, my name topped the list of people to be married off.
Originally the reason was,
“My mom wants me to get married.”
But now, time was no longer on my side.
隨著時間流逝，教會許多的負責人和姐妹，
也開始跟我談到結婚的事。
很快，我的名字就出現在待嫁名單的首位。
最初的原因是，
“我媽媽希望我可以結婚。”
但現在，時間不再對我有利了。
I reluctantly agreed to renounce myself for the greater good.
Marriage it was.
我為了更大的利益，不情不願的同意去放棄自我。
這就是婚姻。
Trouble from Every Side 來自各方的困難
Even though I had enough matchmaking sessions to fill a book,
marriage was more like the fleeting clouds and difficult to grasp.
儘管我的相親經歷足以書寫出一本書了，
婚姻更像是過眼雲煙，難以掌握。
My mother had trouble sleeping
because she was so worried that her precious daughter would die an old maid.
My father went to the temple numerous times to plead for good opportunities.
The opportunities came, but they also passed.
我媽媽開始睡不好覺，
因為她很擔心自已的寶貝女兒會以老處女的情況而死。
我父親曾多次去寺廟祈求好機會。
機會來了，但機會也過去了。
The Bible says to be anxious for nothing but to entrust all our burdens to God.
But my mother’s anxiety made it hard for me to trust.
Each day after work, I would kneel alone in the prayer room at church and plead with God.
I prayed that my mother would not blaspheme the Jesus she did not know,
because she believed that it was Jesus’ fault that I was still single.
聖經說，不要憂慮，只要將一切重擔交託給神。
但母親的煩惱讓我很難去交託。
每天下班後，我都會獨自跪在教會的禱告室祈求神。
我禱告自已的母親不會褻瀆她不認識的耶穌，
因為她認為，我至今仍然單身就是耶穌的錯。
To comfort myself during those difficult times,
I would read the Book of Job and Psalms.
Tears would stream down my cheeks.
I would think,
“Either Satan has been causing trouble in front of God,
or God is trying my faith.”
為了在那些困難時期安慰自己，
我會讀約伯記和詩篇。
淚水會順著我的臉頰流下。
我會認為，
“要嘛是撒旦在神面前製造麻煩，
或是神在試驗我的信心。”
In the past, I often said,
“What shall separate me from God? Shall tribulation? Shall swords? Shall false brothers?”
Maybe I was overconfident and that was why God allowed trouble to barrage me continuously.
I realized that I was no better than a Pharisee
and that there were many things that could separate me from God.
過去我常說，
“誰能使我們與神隔絕呢？難道是患難麼？是困苦麼？是刀劍麼？是假弟兄麼？
也許是我太過自信了，那就是為何神才會一直讓密集的麻煩炮火攻擊我。
我意識到我並不比法利賽人優秀，
會有很多事情可能會使我與神分離。
Even so, many brothers and sisters around me offered unceasing prayers on my behalf.
It was their fragrant intercessions of love that reached the courts of heaven.
It was because of their love
that God did not quench the smoldering flax
or break the bruised reed that I had become.
即使如此，我身邊還是有很多弟兄姐妹不停的為我禱告。
正是他們疼愛芬芳的代禱到達了天庭。
正是因為他們的關愛，
神沒有吹滅這將殘的燈火，
或折斷我這已經受壓傷的蘆葦。
FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT 出黑暗入光明
When a sister and a deacon initially mentioned my future husband, who lived abroad,
my heart was already like stagnant water.
Spiritually, I was on my last breath.
Worst yet, I no longer insisted on marrying only in the Lord.
In fact, I had just gone on my first date with an unbeliever.
當有一位姊妹和執事一開始提到我將來的配偶，他身在國外的我，
那時我內心已如同死水。
若從屬靈層面來看，我已經奄奄一息了。
更糟的是，我不再堅持只與主內的人結婚。
事實上，我才剛剛與一位非信者進行了第一次約會。
On that date, we sat in a softly lit coffee shop
while the pianist played a popular song from the musical based on Don Quixote:
那天，我們坐在燈光柔和的咖啡店，
而鋼琴家則彈奏了唐吉訶德音樂劇的一首流行歌曲：
To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To reach the unreachable star…
去追求那難以實現的夢想，
去對抗那些無法打敗的敵人，
去觸及那難以企及的星空..
I talked as tragically as Don Quixote about how I came to believe in Christ,
my exasperation with marriage,
and how I no longer believed in romance.
I also spoke about my desire to have a Christ-centered family.
我悲慘的講述了自已如何信仰基督，就像唐吉訶德一樣，
自已對婚姻很生氣，
以及自已是如何不再相信浪漫愛情了。
我也談到了自已想要擁有一個以基督為中心的家庭。
My honesty did not scare him off.
Instead, he became a frequent visitor at my house.
My parents were elated.
我的誠實並沒有嚇跑他。
相反的，他成了我家的常客。
我的父母非常高興。
During that time, dinner table conversations
sometimes resulted in intense debates, analyses, and discussions
on how to help me make a decision about my marriage.
在那段時間裡，餐桌上的談話，
有時會導致激烈的辯論，分析和討論，
主題關於如何幫助我做出有關婚姻的決定。
My mother did not want me to marry abroad.
My brother and sister-in-law told me,
“It is more blessed to be loved than to love,”
and that made sense to me at the time.
我媽媽不想讓我嫁到國外。
我的哥哥和嫂嫂告訴我，
“被愛比愛人更幸福。”
當時對我來說那是很有道理的。
My more open-minded father urged me to consider faith and religion.
He thought that I was religious to the brink of insanity
and marveled at why someone who believes in Jesus
would have to go to church every day.
我那思想較開明的父親鼓勵我思考信仰和宗教。
他認為我已經很虔誠到了瘋狂的邊緣，
並且很驚訝發現為什麼會有一個相信耶穌的人，
每天都會必須去教會。
With each passing debate, my defense on Jesus’ behalf became weaker and weaker.
隨著經過每次辯論，我為耶穌辯護的力強度變得越來越弱了。
Loneliness knows no bounds.
Despite a new feminist movement in Taiwan at that time,
I could not gather strength.
I still needed to be loved.
孤獨是無止境的。
儘管當時台灣興起了新女權運動，
我無法鼓足幹勁。
我仍然需要被愛。
As a result, I wrote a very long letter expressing my honest viewpoints
and hopes about love and sent it across the ocean via airmail to my future husband.
I asked him not to be too polite to reject me.
The post office returned my letter because it was overweight.
因此，我寫了一封很長的書信，表達了自已誠實的觀點，
以及對愛情的期盼，並透過航空郵件將它寄給了大洋彼岸的我未來丈夫。
我請他不要因為太過客氣而無法拒絕。
由於信件超重，郵局將它退回了。
I rewrote the letter, condensed the content, and resent it.
This time, the letter was much more toned down.
我重寫了那封信，精簡內容，然後再重寄。
這一次，這封信的語氣就更加溫和了。
At this time, a deacon shared a Bible passage
that became the turning point for me.
These verses came to his mother when she was praying for my marriage:
這時，有一位執事分享了一段聖經經文，
這對我來說是一個轉捩點。
當他母親為我的婚姻禱告時，想起了這幾句經節：
Then I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me forever,
for the good of them and their children after them.
And I will make an everlasting covenant with them,
that I will not turn away from doing them good;
but I will put My fear in their hearts so that they will not depart from Me.
(Jer 32:39, 40)
39我要使他們彼此同心同道，好叫他們永遠敬畏我，
使他們和他們後世的子孫得福樂，
40又要與他們立永遠的約，
必隨著他們施恩，並不離開他們，
且使他們有敬畏我的心，不離開我。
（耶 32：39，40）
The Lord once again shed His light upon my path.
主再次將祂的亮光照在我的道路上。
One day, I received an international phone call.
I was startled to hear my future husband’s voice on the other end.
He said he wasn’t forced into marriage,
clarifying that it was out of his own will.
He boldly decided, “Okay, it’s settled.”
有一天，我接到一通國際電話。
我很驚訝聽到電話那頭自已未來丈夫的聲音。
他說自已並沒有被迫要結婚，
並澄清說，這是出於他本人的意願。
他果斷決定，“好，就這麼說定了。”
I was very moved as I put down the telephone.
He was brave.
How many men would choose to spend his life with a woman he doesn’t even know?
當我放下電話時我的內心很感動。
他很勇敢。
有多少人會選擇與一個自己根本不認識的女人共度一生？
At the time, I wanted to talk to Jesus.
I wanted Him to tell me what my next move should be.
I wanted a checkmate.
當時，我想要告訴耶穌。
我希望祂告訴我下一步該該怎麼做。
我想要一錘定音。
The Source of Love 愛的源頭
Once again the Holy Spirit filled me, and I reassessed the meaning of love.
再一次聖靈充滿了我，讓我重新檢視愛的意義。
Is love the erratic beating of the heart and having someone to hold?
Can love be likened to a child who sees something he likes and wants to possess it?
No. That is passion.
Passion is affected by time and space.
難道愛情就是異常心跳並有個人可以擁抱嗎？
愛情是否就可像是個孩子，他看見了喜歡的東西就想佔有它呢？
不，那是激情。
激情受到時間和空間的影響。
All of the romantic poems and songs I had read and listened to
were wrong about love.
我所讀過聆聽的一切浪漫愛情詩歌，
關於愛情都是錯誤的。
Love means grasping hold of God because He is the source of love.
If the love of this world is severed from Him, it becomes nothing.
愛就代表抓住神，因為祂就是愛的源頭。
如果愛這個世界就是要與祂分開，它就什麼都不是了。
I finally understood that I could not lose Jesus.
Had I not hoped that He would become the Lord of my household?
我終於明白自已不能失去耶穌。
難道我不期望祂會成為我家之主嗎？
Ecclesiastes 7:14 says,
“In the day of prosperity be joyful,
but in the day of adversity consider.”
傳道書 7 章 14 節說，
“14遇亨通的日子你當喜樂；
遭患難的日子你當思想；”
I thought back to the days when I was strong,
the days when I went up to the temple of the Lord.
The days when my heart was filled with joy.
The memories threw me into deep sorrow at how far I had wandered.
The penetrating pain made me once again cherish how valuable it was to be a Christian.
我回想起自己堅強的日子，
那時是我登上主聖殿的日子。
那時是我內心充滿喜悅。
驚覺自己已經偏離這麼遠的記憶，令我沉浸在極度的憂傷。
這種刺骨的痛楚讓我再一次珍惜，可以成為基督徒有多麼的可貴。
LAST MINUTE STRUGGLES 最後時刻的掙札
I met my in-laws for the first time on the day I got engaged.
As for the one with whom I would share the rest of my life,
I could only speculate from his picture.
He looked tall and handsome, smiling in front of a chapel at his university.
我訂婚那天，才第一次見到了自已的公婆。
至於那個要與我共度餘生的人，
我只能根據他的照片來臆測。
他看起來又高又英俊，在大學前的會堂微笑。
I met him three days before the wedding.
The deacon who introduced us brought him to my house.
Although I felt a little embarrassed, everything went very smoothly.
On the other hand, my friends were anxious for me.
They thought that my decision was ridiculous.
在婚禮前三天前我才遇見他。
那個介紹我們認識的執事把他帶到我家。
雖然我覺得有些害羞，但一切都很順利。
另一方面，我很多朋友都為我擔心。
他們認為我的決定很荒謬。
On the eve of my wedding, a close friend called me.
She spent more than an hour saying whatever she could to dissuade me.
“You have to be decisive.
All you have to do is send a letter of apology to those you have invited to the wedding,”
she said.
“Whatever you do, don’t ruin a life of happiness so hastily.”
在我結婚前夕，有一位好朋友打電話給我。
她花了一個多小時用盡她一切所能勸阻我。
“你必須果斷。
你一切所要做的就是發一封道歉信，給那些你邀請參加婚禮的人。”
她說。
“無論你做什麼事，都不要如此草率的毀掉幸福的生活。”
Her words of urgency resonated in my ears,
and I could not sleep all night.
Anguish once again surrounded me.
她那迫切的話語在我耳邊迴響，
我整晚都睡不著。
痛苦再一次包圍了我。
The night was long and painful.
In the darkness of the night, I saw hideous faces flash before my eyes.
They were shades of dark green and red.
They laughed at me.
那夜很漫長，而且很痛苦。
在夜色的漆黑中，我見到許多猙獰的面孔閃現在我眼前。
他們都是許多幽綠暗紅的陰影。
他們都在譏笑我。
In a state of half-consciousness, I remembered Jesus.
But why did I not have the strength to shout “Hallelujah”?
在半夢半醒中我想起了耶穌。
但為何我沒有力氣喊出“哈利路亞”呢？
In my struggle, I suddenly saw the eaves of a roof.
From it appeared two bright shafts of light that formed into a cross.
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
At that moment, my pain vanished.
在我掙扎時，我突然看見了屋簷。
從中出現了兩道明亮的光柱，形成了一個十字架。
淚水流下我的臉頰。
那一刻，我的痛苦就消失了。
The Big Day 大日子
I must thank my Father in heaven who abided with me.
He blessed me with more than I had asked for.
Not only did He give me my husband, He also gave me such kind in-laws.
My parents were extremely satisfied and regarded my husband as the ideal son-in-law.
我必須感謝天父與我同在。
祂給我的祝福遠超我的祈求。
祂不只賜給我丈夫，也賜給我如此友善的公婆。
我父母非常的滿意，認為我先生就是理想的女婿。
I must also thank my brothers and sisters in Christ
who supported me and showed concern for me,
especially Deacon Hsieh, who fought along my side throughout this journey.
我也必須感謝自已基督裡的兄弟姐妹，
他們支持我，關心我，
尤其是謝執事，他在這段整個旅程中一直與我並肩作戰。
On December 17, 1975, my father escorted me down the aisle to the groom
who was waiting patiently and quietly at the other end.
Dressed in my white wedding gown, I stood with him in the chapel.
I tried to keep tears from pouring down my cheeks as my heart brimmed with thanksgiving.
1975 年 12 月 17 日，我父親護送我走到紅毯盡頭，來到新郎面前，
他正在另一端安靜耐心的等待著。
穿著白色的婚紗，我和他一起站在會堂裡。
我試著想要抑制淚水流下臉頰，因我內心充滿感激。
As I walked into the chapel, my only regret was that
I still did not know my own husband.
But as long as Jesus knew him, there was no need to worry.
We could start the introductions after the wedding!
當我走進會堂時，我唯一的遺憾就是，
我仍然不認識自己的丈夫。
但只要耶穌了解他，那就就沒有必要擔心了。
我們可以在婚禮後開始介紹！
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
歡迎主內同靈來信加入翻譯
