3. Manna issue 66 - Give Your Parents the Gift of Honor—A Personal Journey 給父母教孝順的禮物 - 個人的體驗
Choosing to love our parents just
as God chose to love us.
決正要愛父母，正如神決定要愛我們
Patricia Chen—Irvine, California, USA
美國加州爾灣 Patricia Chen
Relationships are filled with both joy and
pain. Good relationships can bring us joy,
affirmation and the support we need.
But what if relationships are not going
well? Some of the deepest hurts we
will ever know come from those whom
we care about most: hurts from bruised
relationships within our families. These
relationships are the hardest to heal.
One of them is the relationship with our
parents.
雙方的關係常是充滿喜樂和痛苦的。
有好的關係，可以給我們帶來所需要的喜樂，肯定和幫助。
但是若是關係沒有好轉的時候，怎麼辨？
我們最常知道，一些最深的傷害，
是來自於那些我們最關心的人：
來自於我們家中，因為關係不好而帶來的傷害。
這些關係才是最難治癒的。
其中之一，就是與父母的關係。
“Honor your father and your mother,
that your days may be long upon the
land which the Lord your God is giving
you” (Ex 20:12). Honoring our parents—
showing respect in word and action,
obedience, love, and even praise—is so
important that God designated it as one
of His Ten Commandments. Honoring
them consequently becomes a purpose
in life because that is one way to glorify
God. But how do we give honor to our
parents, especially when the relationship
is already bruised?
12當孝敬父母，使你的日子在耶和華─你神所賜你的地上得以長久。
(出 20：12)
孝順父母 - 在言語和行為上表示尊重，順服，疼愛，甚至要讚美 -
這件事很重要，神設立成為十誡其中之一。
持續孝順父母，就成為生活的目標，
因為這是榮耀神的一種方法。
但是我們要怎麼作，才能孝順父母呢？
特別是兩者的關係已經變得很不好的時候，怎麼辨呢？
GOD’S LOVE AS THE MODEL IN
YOUR LIFE
在生活中，以神的愛為榜樣
A new commandment I give to you, that
you love one another; as I have loved you,
that you also love one another. By this all
will know that you are My disciples, if you
have love for one another.
(Jn 13:34–35)
34我賜給你們一條新命令，乃是叫你們彼此相愛；
我怎樣愛你們，你們也要怎樣相愛。
35你們若有彼此相愛的心，
眾人因此就認出你們是我的門徒了
(約 13：34-35)
This commandment takes our
responsibility to a whole new level. Our
relationship with our parents should be
molded not by what we want but by
the teaching God provides. God wants
His children to honor and respect their
parents.
這條命令，把我們的責任，提高到全新的位階。
我們與父母的關係，不是以我們想要怎麼作來塑造兩者的關係，
而是藉由神的教導而創造出來。
神要祂的兒女，孝順及尊重自已的父母。
If we are going to live out this command,
it is not going to happen accidentally. It is
going to take a conscious decision on our
part to act toward our parents the way
God teaches.
若我們想要實行這條命令，
這條命令是不會因著意外而出現的。
這是一條下意識所作出來的決定，
對我們而，以神教導我們的方式，在父母身上實行出來。
Sometimes, it may seem difficult to
love our parents. But we need to make
a choice to continue to love, even in the
most crushing of circumstances. God
will grant us that strength through the
power of the Holy Spirit. What we feel
is impossible is possible with God (Lk
18:27).
有時候，要愛父母或許也很困難。
但是我們要下決定，持續愛父母，
甚至有時候在面對痛苦的環境時，還要持續下去。
神會經由聖靈的力量，來加添人的力量。
27在人所不能的事，在神卻能。
(路 18：27)
When I was about fourteen, my family
went through some major changes. As
a result, I argued a lot with my mother.
My resentment toward her turned to
rebellion. When she wanted me to do
something, I would do it grudgingly. It
became so bad that I wished she would
just disappear. My relationship with
her lacked honor, understanding, and
warmth.
當我14歲的時候，我的家庭遇到了很重大的變動。
結果，我和母親大大的吵了一架。
因為對她很怨恨，所以就變成了叛逆。
當她要我作事情的時候，我就作的很勉強。
情況變得很糟，糟到我會想要讓她消失。
我和她的關係沒有教順，體諒和溫暖。
When I was sixteen, Christ found
me—a lost sheep returning to His fold.
I discovered how much Jesus loves me.
That was the greatest experience I had
ever received: knowing that God laid
down His life for me—even when I was
a sinner.
當我16歲的時候，神把我找回來 -
一頭迷失的羊品歸了羊圈。
我這才了解，耶穌是多麼的愛我。
這是我從來沒有過，最大的體驗：
這才了解，神為了我犧牲了自已的生命 -
即使在我還是罪人的時候。
I began to see clearly that love is
not a feeling; it is a choice and a real
commitment.
我開始看明白了，
愛不是一種感覺而已：
愛是一種決定，也是真正的責任。
God created us for a full life and He
created us to relate to Him and to others.
As I grasped the word of God, I realized
how the love of God becomes the
foundation for all other relationships. Not
only did His love give me new strength
in my relationship with Him, it began to
flow over to every other relationship in
my life, including that with my mother.
My love towards my mother had
been conditional; it was based on her
performance. I had been waiting for her
to change. If she changed, I would begin
to love her. But, God’s love simply said, “I
love you. Period.”
神創造我們，是為了要給我們全部的生命，
祂創造了我們，讓我們和神及其他人，都能建立關係。
當我抓到神的話語之時，
我才了解到，神的愛是如何變成大家彼此建立關係的基礎。
在我與神的關係之中，祂的愛不僅給我新的力量，
愛開始流傳，流動到我生命中，其他每一段的關係，
也包括了我和母親的關係得到滋潤。
我對母親的愛，一直都是有條件的，
付出多少愛，都是基於她的表現。
若她改變了，我就會開始愛她。
但是神的愛卻是很單純的說，
"我會愛你，長長久久"。
When I was in college, I heard a
sermon in which the preacher asked, “If
you were to die now, would you have
any regrets?” I thought deeply and the
answer was “YES!” I would regret that,
while in my early teens, I had never asked
my mother to forgive me for my unlovely
and disgraceful ways.
當我上大學的時候，我聽到講道，
傳道就問大家，
"若你現在就要死去，
你有沒有任何遺憾的事情？"
我深深的想一下，答案是"肯定的"。
我會很後悔，在我還小青少年的時候，
我從來沒有求過母親來原諒我，
原諒我以前，用那麼討人厭，那麼可恥的方式來對待她。
On a bus ride back to campus one
morning, there was a moment where I
felt that Jesus was sitting right next to
me; I could feel Him seeing my struggles.
I remember the emotions that went along
with that particular ride. I really struggled.
I wanted to do something to change this
relationship because every time I went
home, the tension was there and I could
not see any joy on my mother’s face.
有一天早上，坐巴士要回到學校，
有那麼短短的一刻，那時我覺得耶穌是坐在我身邊；
我可以感覺到祂，明白我內心的掙扎。
我想起了那時的情緒，就是那樣的情緒伴隨著我那次特別體驗的路程。
我真的感到很掙扎。
我想要作一些事情，讓我可以改變這種關係，
因為每次我回到家，就有緊張的感覺，
我在母親的臉上，都看不見任何快樂的表情。
Tears streamed down my face as
the reality of this realization touched
my heart. For the first time in my life,
I wanted to take God at His word. I
wanted to make things right. I wanted to
love, honor, and accept my mother just
as she was.
明白這種現實的情況，就觸動了我的心，
然後眼淚從我的臉上掉下來。
在我生命中第一次，我想要相信祂的話。
我想讓事情變好。
我想要去愛，去孝順，接納母親，就像她對我的付出一樣。
I was grateful for this new
understanding. It seemed as if the Lord
had performed surgery on my heart. But,
I knew the real test was to come. Not
knowing where to begin, I prayed that
God would give me an opportunity to
make things right with my mother. I knew
it would be difficult and that I would not
feel like doing it, but I needed to take the
first step.
有了這種新的認知，我很感謝。
就好像神對我的內心作了手術。
但是，我知道，真正的試煉就要來了。
雖然不知道什麼時候會開始，
但我禱告求神給我機會，讓我把媽媽的事情弄好。
我知道要這麼作，很困難，我不會喜歡這麼作，
但我要開始第一步。
TAKING THE FIRST STEP—
HONESTY BEFORE GOD
開始第一步 - 在神面前保持誠實
Most of our struggles or internal hurts
are silent. Sometimes, we find that we
rehearse them in our mind over and
over again. God wants us to talk to Him
about everything, “For I am ready to fall,
and my sorrow is continually before me.
For I will declare my iniquity; I will be
in anguish over my sin” (Ps 38:17–18).
David prayed and told God about his
feelings. At the end of the psalm, his
heart was at peace. Perhaps the problem
was still there, but David’s heart was
refocused and settled.
大部份我們的掙扎和內在的傷害，都是沉默的。
有時候我發現，我們把這些情況，
不斷在內心重覆上演，一次又一次。
神要我們向他訴說一切的事情，
17我幾乎跌倒；我的痛苦常在我面前。
18我要承認我的罪孽；我要因我的罪憂愁。
(詩 38：17-18)
大衛禱告向神訴說他的心情。
在詩篇結束的時候，他的內心很平靜。
或許問題仍然存在，但大衛的內心的力量，
重新再集中起來，變得很安穩。
We, too, need to receive inner peace
from God through prayer. We need to
pour out our hearts and tell God how we
feel saying, “Dear Father, this is what is
really hurting me in my relationship with
my parents.”
我們也一樣，要禱告從神那裡，得到內在的平安。
要把內心的想法傾倒出來，
告訴神我們怎麼想，可以這樣說，
"親愛的天父，這件有關與我父母關係的情況，
對我真的傷害很大。"
At times, I just wanted to focus on
my own inadequacy. Sometimes, I
even wanted to erase my feelings by
pretending they just didn’t exist. I did not
have the power to help myself.
常常，我只想專心在自已作不好的地方。
有時候，我甚至想要消除自已的感情，
假裝這些事情都不存在。
我自已沒有力量來幫助自已。
We can go on with life believing that
we are truly powerless. But I realized that
fighting my weaknesses on my own does
not work! Choosing to act upon our faith
in God is the only way out.
我們可以認為自已真的很無力，
而繼續過自已的生活。
但是我知道，自已要克服自已的弱點，是不會成功的！
作決正來依靠對神的信心，才是唯一可以成功的方法。
There is a big difference between
honestly telling God our weaknesses
and immersing ourselves in feelings of
inadequacy. God’s teaching is for us
to trust Him so that He can turn our
weaknesses into His strength.
誠實的告訴神自已的軟弱，
與沉浸在自已沒有能力之間，是有很大的不同。
神教導我們，要我們信靠祂，
這樣就能把自已的軟弱，變成祂的力量。
“NOT MY WILL, LORD, BUT
YOURS BE DONE”
"主啊，不要成就我的意思，只要成就你的意思。"
It is indeed difficult to pray the way Jesus
prayed: “Not my will, Lord, but yours
be done” (Lk 22:42). Jesus even looked
at those who crucified Him and said,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not
what they do.” This is a complete picture
of God’s love.
要像耶穌一樣的禱告方式，真的很難：
"不要成就我的意思，只要成就你的意思。"
(路 22：42)
耶穌甚至看著那些釘祂十字架的人，說，
"34父阿！赦免他們；因為他們所做的，他們不曉得。"
(路 23：34)
這就是耶穌慈愛，最完全的狀態。
To love God with all of our heart, and
not just part of our heart, is not easy. Even
amid internal struggles, we have to ask
God to work in our hearts and pray thus:
“… not my will, but Yours be done.”
要盡心來愛神，不只是花費一部份的心思而已，
是很不容易的。
即使正當內心有所掙扎的時候，
我們要求神在我們的內心作工，這樣禱告：
"不要成就我的意思，只要成就你的意思。"
If our minds are not filled with God’s
truth and His love, we will easily drift
towards anxious and selfish thoughts.
God’s truth will lift us up and redirect our
focus to His plan for us. If we want to
be right with God, we need to cooperate
with God.
若我們的心中，沒有充滿神的真理和慈愛，
就會很容易隨著煩惱和自私的想法，漂流而去。
神的真理，會給我們提昇起來，
把我們的注意力，重新導向祂為我們所設定的計劃。
若我們想要與神在一起，
就要和神一起同心協力。
It is all too easy to find faults in our
parents and in others. If we want our lives
to have peace, then we need to turn to
our Lord; “You will keep him in perfect
peace, whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You” (Is 26:3).
要在父母和別人的身上，找出錯誤是太容易了。
若我們想要自已有平安，
那麼你就要轉向神：
3堅心倚賴你的，你必保守他十分平安，因為他倚靠你。
(賽 26：3)
Let the word of God capture every
fiber of your being. There are times when
I don’t want to love but God wants me to
act with love anyway. When everything in
me tells me to escape or hide, God wants
me to stay and pray for the strength
from above. When I feel like giving up,
God wants me to act in love and in the
obedience of God.
讓要神的話，深深的打入你的腦海中。
有一些時候，我一點都不想要去愛，，
但神就是要我用愛來行動。
當內心有東西告訴我，讓我想逃避和躲藏的時候，
神要我留下來，禱告祈求從上頭而來的力量。
當我想要放棄的時候，
神要我用愛為出發點，順服神來行動。
A TURN OF EVENTS 事情的轉捩點
I don’t remember how long I prayed
to God to change me and redirect my
focus. Those prayers had not been easy.
They stripped away everything that
was not desirable in the eyes of God.
God kept reminding me over and over
in prayers that to love my mother is to
be vulnerable. Don’t refuse to love her;
don’t stop loving her—an even deeper
hurt will come about if I choose not to
reconcile with her. Time spent alone with
God definitely strengthened me. It not
only quieted my soul but also broadened
my understanding about trusting Him.
我記不得，自已已經禱告了多久，要求神來改變我，
重新引導我的注意力。
過去的那些禱告，一直都是是容易走過來的。
禱告敞開了內心所有的事情，
那些都是在神眼中，不受神喜愛的事。
神在禱告中，一次又一次的提醒我，
要愛母親，就是要變得柔軟。
不要拒絕去愛她；
不要停止愛她 -
若我決定不要和她和好，甚至會有更深的傷害會來。
Trusting God is not something passive.
It has to be acted upon when God gives
us the right opportunity. I remember
praying to God and telling Him that I
didn’t have the strength to reconcile with
my mother on my own. I needed His
wisdom and opportunity.
信靠神，不是什麼消極的事。
信靠神是用於，當神給予了我們合適的機會。
我記得向神禱告，告訴祂，
我自已沒有力量與母親和好。
我需要祂賞賜智慧和機會。
I understood that in life, there are many
things that are inexcusable but nothing is
unforgivable. The impossible becomes
possible through the power of God.
我終於明白了，在生活中，有很多事情是沒有辨法原諒的，
但是沒有什麼事情是原諒不了的。
因著神的力量，不可能的事就變得可能了。
Then, one day, opportunity came.
A few months later, I went home on
a Friday night. I had an attitude of love
and acceptance rather than one of being
critical and judgmental. As I came home,
I behaved gently towards my mother
and, in return, she was nice to me. She
must have sensed something “different”
working in me.
然後有一天，機會就這麼來了。
幾個月之後，有一天星期五晚上，我回家。
我身上帶著疼愛和接納的態度，
而不是帶著批評和論斷的想法。
當我回到家，以用溫柔的態度對待母親，
反過來，她也對我很好。
她一定有感覺到，在我身上有什麼變得不一樣了。
I silently asked God to grant me the
opportunity to ask for her forgiveness. It
was not an easy thing to talk about as I
imagined myself unable to utter a word.
But, I had to. I waited until my two other
sisters had left the room. I said, “Mom,
I have been thinking about when I was
fourteen and fifteen, how unloving,
ungrateful, and unkind I was. Will you
forgive me?”
我靜靜地求神應允我，給我機會可以求得她的寬恕。
要說起這件事，真的是很不容易，
因為我認為自已，一點都不能說出一個字。
但是，我應該這麼作。
我等到其他兩個姐妹離開了房間。
我說，
"我一直想到，當14或15歲時候的事，
那時候，我是那麼不可愛，不知感恩，不溫柔。
你願意寬恕我嗎？"
As she turned and looked at me with
love and tears in her eyes, she said words
that cut to my very soul: “Yes, I forgive
you.” Immediately all the tension drained
from my body as a great peace settled
over me. I felt the incredible sense of
assurance that God was indeed working
in this moment.
然後，她就轉過身來，
眼中帶著慈愛和眼淚看著我，
她說一些話，深深的打動著我的內心：
"是的，我饒恕了你"。
隨著一股很大的平安就進驗了我的內心，
馬上一切所有的緊張，就離開了我。
我感到了一股不可思議的平靜安穩的感覺，
神真的在這個時刻，開始動工了。
For the first time, we embraced each
other. For the first time, I honored my
mother with a new found understanding
from God’s word. I gave her respect, love
and value. I realized honor is given—
we can choose either to give it with the
power from God or we can choose to
withhold it.
這是第一次，我們兩個彼此擁抱對方。
這是第一次，我以從神話語而來，新的領悟，尊敬著我的母親。
我很尊敬她，深愛著她，珍惜著她。
我這才明白，尊敬是一種付出 -
我們可以決定，不是用著從神而來的力量，來給予對方尊重，
或是決定可以把尊重，隱藏起來。
To honor our parents is to recognize
their importance and treat them with
honor. When we choose to honor our
parents, we are choosing to obey God
genuinely from the bottom of our heart.
孝順父母，是要認識到他們身上的重要性，
並且以尊敬的態度，來對待他們。
當我們決定要孝順父母，
就是決定要從內心深處，真正的要來順服神。
Trusting in God is not just a feeling. I
remember when I did not feel like it, God
taught me to choose to make things right
with my mother. I was so joyful that day.
I wondered why I had not done it sooner.
My mother never asked me to forgive
her and make things right with her, but
God asked that of me and it made all the
difference.
信靠神，不只是一種感覺而親。
我記得，當我感覺到不想信靠神的時候，
神就教我，下定決心，要把母親的事情弄好。
那一天，我真的很高興。
我心中想著，為什麼沒有早一點就作這件事。
我的母親從來沒有求我饒恕她，
或是把和她有關的事情作對，
但神卻要我這麼作，
自從這麼作之後，一切都變得不一樣子。
WE DON’T HAVE TO FACE
PROBLEMS ALONE
我們不需要獨自面對困難
Perhaps you have guilt and feel regret
about how you have handled your
relationship with your parents in the past
or even right now. “I wish I had done
this. I wish I had said that.” Such regrets
may have crossed your mind many times.
Bring them to God.
或許你的心中，有罪惡感，
對你自已過去，或是現在，是怎麼處理與父母之間的關係，
感到很後悔。
"我希望自已曾經能這麼作。
我希望自已有把這些話說出來。"
這些心中的後悔，或許有很多次，浮現在你的心中。
把這些想法，放在神的面前吧。
God is a forgiving and loving God. He
understands that we sometimes make
selfish decisions in our life and He forgives
us for that. Bring that to Him in prayers!
Don’t carry that guilt and regret.
神很慈愛，會饒恕人。
祂知道，有時候，我們生活中會很自私，
祂赦免我們那些行為。
在禱告中，把這些事提到神面前吧！
不要帶著那些罪惡感和後悔。
Maybe you have been hurt by a parent
and you’re still holding on to that hurt.
Maybe your parents fight all the time, or
are separated, or aren’t Christians. You
may be tempted to say, “This teaching
won’t work for my family.” Not so. All
families struggle and have problems. If
God’s love only works in perfect homes,
what kind of love is that?
或許你受過父母的傷害，
而且仍然緊緊抓住那些傷害。
或許你的父母會一直爭吵，
或是他們分居了，或是他們不是基督徒。
你很容易傾向說，
"這條教訓並不適用於我的家。"
並不是這樣的。
全部的家庭都會掙扎，都有自已的問題。
若神的愛只存在於完美的家中，
那這種愛算得什麼呢？
But God’s ministry is that of
reconciliation and changing lives, even in
the most terrible of situations. No matter
what your situation is, believe in the
power of God’s love. The bitterness that
you store inside hurts all of your other
relationships, including your relationship
with God. If you think it doesn’t affect
your relationship with God, you are
fooling only yourself (Mk 11:25).
但神的傳道工作，就是那種和好的愛，
能改變生命，甚至可改變那最悲慘的情況。
不論你有什麼情況，要相信神慈愛的力量。
你心中所懷抱的苦痛，都會傷害到一切和你有關係的人，
包括傷害了你與神的關係。
若你認為，這並不會影響到你與神的關係，
你只是自欺欺人而已。
(可 11：25)
God has already promised us that we
are more than conquerors; we don’t have
to face the problems alone. God alone
has the power. There is no problem so big
that He can’t meet our need. More so,
God is faithful and reliable. If we confess
our sins, He forgives us and cleanses us
from our wrongdoings (1 Jn 1:9).
神已經應允我們，要得勝有餘；
我們不需要獨自面對問題。
只有神才有能力。
沒有任何問題，可以大到祂不能滿足我們的需要。
不只如此，神是信實的，是可依靠的。
若我們承認了自已的罪，
祂會赦免我們，洗淨我們，不再有錯誤的行為。
(約一 1：9)
Blessings wait for those who truly
follow Christ. God is with us. He will
strengthen us and He will not fail us.
When you honor your parents, you
receive blessings for yourself and share
them with your parents. Honoring your
parents is truly one of the greatest gifts
you can give them and yourself.
福氣會等候那些真正跟隨基督的人。
神和我們同在。
會加添我們力量，不會讓我們失望。
當你孝順父母，就是為自已取得祝福，
並且將這福氣與父母分享。
孝順父母真的是最大的賞賜之一，
你自已可以和他們一起分享。
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
歡迎主內同靈來信加入翻譯
