9. Manna issue 93 - Experiences of Grace 恩典的體驗
Li-Bin Mok—Vancouver, Canada 加拿大溫哥華 Li-Bin Mok
Traversing the Valley of Death with peace in heart,
In God’s will and plan I trust.
With grace and manna am I daily blessed,
Praise and gratitude for God unceasingly flow.
懷著平靜的心情穿越死蔭幽谷，
我相信神的旨意和計劃。
我天天蒙受恩典和嗎哪，
讚美和感謝神源源不絕。
Hallelujah!
Praise the Lord that I may share this testimony with you.
As a servant of God, I cannot steal His glory.
Jesus healed ten lepers
(Lk 17:11–19),
but only one returned to thank Him and give praise to the Lord.
I emulate this leper.
Although these events happened within a few months,
they demonstrate God’s almightiness and His grace shown to me.
哈利路亞！
讚美主，讓我能分享這個見證給大家。
作為神的僕人，我不能竊取祂的榮耀。
耶穌醫治了十個痲瘋病人
（路 17：11-19），
但只有一個人回來感謝祂，並讚美主。
我效法這個痲瘋病人。
儘管這些事件發生在幾個月內，
他們向我展示了神的全能和恩典。
Records of God’s Grace 神恩典的記錄
In August 2018, I started experiencing dull pain at the base of my neck.
It was bothersome but bearable.
As it got more severe,
I had it checked by my family doctor, or general practitioner (GP),
who felt it was either a sports injury, a pulled muscle,
or a neck and back strain from poor sleeping positions.
The GP suggested massage
or physiotherapy and referred me for a series of scans and tests.
2018 年八月，我開始感到脖子底部隱隱作痛。
這領人很討厭，但還可以忍受。
隨著病情越來越嚴重，
我讓自已的家庭醫生或普通科醫生 (GP) 檢查過，
他覺得，要麼這是運動傷害，肌肉拉傷，
或是因為睡眠姿勢不佳，而導致頸部和背部拉傷。
普通科醫生建議進行按摩，
或是物理治療，並推薦我進行一連串的掃描和檢測。
The results from the tests and scans
did not raise any red flags to the doctors and radiologists who reviewed the results.
However, by the end of the year,
my neck had become so stiff that I had difficulty turning my head.
Through it all, I felt intensifying pains gradually
spreading to different parts of my spine and ribs.
掃描和檢測的結果，
讓審查結果的醫生和放射科醫生，沒有發現任何危險的信號。
然而，到了年底，
我的脖子變得很僵硬，以至於我的頭都難以轉動。
經歷這一切，我逐漸感到疼痛加劇，
蔓延到我的脊柱和肋骨的不同部位。
During one of the tests with a neuromuscular specialist,
she concluded that the pains were not a result of neuromuscular injury.
Immediately after her appointment,
she had me admitted to the hospital’s emergency room (ER).
在神經肌肉專家的一項測試中，
她得出結論，疼痛不是神經肌肉損傷的結果。
她診療之後，
她讓我進入了醫院的急診室 (ER)。
It was a rather strange day in the ER.
The place was overwhelmed with cases of drug overdose, traumatic accidents,
and major injuries from fights.
As cases in the ER are triaged according to urgency,
all these cases took priority above mine.
這是急診室相當奇怪的一天。
這個地方充滿了吸毒過量、外傷事故、
以及打加造成的重大傷害。
由於急診室的病患是根據緊急程度而進行分類，
所有這一切的案件都比我的更優先。
Time flew by as I sat on my bed and watched the different dramas unfold in front of me.
It had been over eight hours since I was admitted,
yet no doctor was available to attend to me.
While waiting, I underwent a series of tests
to help the ER doctors ascertain the problem.
當我坐在自已的病床上，看著面前展開不同的戲劇時，時間飛逝而過。
自從入院到現在，已經八個多小時了，
但是卻沒有醫生有空可以照顧我。
在等待的過程中，我進行了一連串的檢測，
幫助急診醫生查明問題。
By 10:00 p.m., I noticed some doctors from the 11:00 p.m. shift
arriving early to help handle the backlog.
A doctor came rushing in, changed clothes,
and went over to the wall of clipboards.
He picked one at random and started reviewing the file.
到晚上 10 點的時候，我注意到，有一些晚上 11 開始班表的醫生
提早到達以幫忙處理待辨的工作。
有一個醫生衝了進來，換了衣服，
然後走到病歷夾表的牆上。
他隨機挑選了一個，開始查看文件。
After a few minutes,
he introduced himself as the doctor overseeing my case
before he hurried off again.
I noticed he was a fellow
—a physician who has completed a residency
and is doing a fellowship within a sub-specialty
—not a regular resident doctor.
From my hospital bed,
I could see him reviewing my medical records.
Over the next few hours,
he put me through more tests and scans.
幾分鐘之後，
他介紹自己是負責我病例的醫生，
然後他又再次匆匆離開。
我注意到他是一個人，
—是一個完成住院實習資格的醫生
並且是一個正在進行副修專業的研究員，
—並不是正規的住院醫生。
從我的病床上，
我可以看到他正在查看我的病歷。
在接下來的幾個小時裡，
他讓我接受了更多測試和掃描。
By the next morning, a diagnosis had been made,
and he needed to talk to me privately.
That is when the distraught doctor announced that I had Stage 4 cancer,
hence the pains in different parts of my skeletal structure.
Such advanced cancer is incurable and usually terminal.
From this point on, the strategy and treatment plan
would be to slow down the cancer’s progression and prolong life.
到第二天早上，已經做出了診斷，
他需要私下和我談談。
就在那時，驚慌失措的醫生宣布我患了第四期癌症，
因此，我骨骼結構的不同部位會出現疼痛。
這種晚期癌症是無法治愈的，通常就是末期。
從這一刻開始，治療的策略和方案，
將會是來減緩癌症的進度，並且延長生命。
For most people, such a diagnosis would likely be followed
by devastation, disbelief, confusion, or even anger.
I was surprised to find that I was relatively calm and at peace.
At least now, what ails me has a name!
With a diagnosis, the doctors and I could tackle the problem.
Otherwise, I would have died within a few months without knowing the cause.
對於大部份的人來說，這樣的診斷很可能會接下來，
有絕望，懷疑，困惑，甚至憤怒。
我很驚訝的發現，自已相對的平靜和從容。
至少現在，使我生病的原因有了名字！
有了診斷，醫生和我就可以討論解決這個問題。
否則，我會在幾個月內，因為不明原因而死去。
Because of the seriousness of the condition and its aggressive nature,
the doctor gave me a stack of requisitions
for more tests and scans in different hospitals.
They all had the word “URGENT” stamped in red to expedite the diagnostic process.
由於病情很嚴重，以及病情發展迅速的特性，
醫生給了我一疊請購單，
要求在不同的醫院進行更多的檢測和掃描。
他們都蓋上紅色“緊急”字樣的印章，以加快診斷的流程。
I believe it was God’s hand that guided this fellow to choose my file that night in the ER.
His experience allowed him to accurately diagnose my condition's severity
and know the necessary follow-up protocols.
His seniority and sense of urgency also meant
I received the immediate treatment that terminal cancer requires.
In my prayers, I asked God to prepare me for the journey ahead,
with a mix of trepidation, excitement,
and a deep understanding that important lessons would be imparted along the way.
我相信，那天晚上在急診室裡，是神的手引導這個人挑選擇了我的病歷。
他的經驗使他能夠準確地診斷出我病情的嚴重程度，
並且了解必要的後續進行流程。
他的資歷和急迫感也代表了，
我要立刻接受晚期癌症所需的治療。
在我的祈禱中，我祈求神讓我準備好未來的旅程，
夾雜著心情忐忑、興奮，
並且深刻了解，在此過程中會得到重要的功課。
Over the next few weeks,
I would undergo the required tests and scans.
Even though I was physically weaker by the day
and could only move in slow motion due to the pains,
God gave me enough energy and mental strength to endure the rigors of all the tests.
在接下來的幾個禮拜，
我會進行必要的檢測和掃描。
雖然我一天比一天虛弱，
疼痛中只能緩慢移動，
神給了我足夠的精力和精神的力量，來忍受所有考驗的殘酷。
During a check-up with a senior oncologist,
the doctor asked how many painkillers I was taking daily
to gauge the intensity of pain I was suffering.
I replied that while my bones were aching,
it did not bother me enough to take painkillers.
She shook her head in disbelief, saying,
“You’re a toughie.
Anyone in the same shoes would be taking handfuls of painkillers daily,
and you are not taking any?”
As she kept mumbling under her breath, under mine were the words,
“Hallelujah, hallelujah, praise the Lord.”
This is the abundant grace God gives to His children.
在與一位資深的腫瘤學家進行檢查時，
醫生問我每天服用多少的止痛藥，
來衡量我所遭受的疼痛強度。
我回答說，當我的骨頭疼痛時，
對我來說還不夠痛苦，以致於要服用止痛藥。
她難以置信地搖著頭，說道：
“你真是個硬漢。
任何處在同樣境地的人，每天都需要服用一把的止痛藥，
你什麼都不吃？
當她低聲喃喃自語時，我的下面是這樣的話，
“哈利路亞，哈利路亞，讚美主。”
這是神賜給祂兒女的豐盛恩典。
Finally, the full extent of the damage done
by the ravages of cancer was presented to me.
I was informed that a team of oncologists would be assigned to my case immediately
to start the treatment process.
As cancer treatments are also triaged,
along with the whole expedited diagnosis process,
I waited three days until the first slot was available to start chemotherapy
—three weeks after I had been diagnosed in the ER.
最後，所造成損害的全部程度，
癌症蹂躪的情況呈現在我的面前。
我被告知，立即會指派一組腫瘤學專家處理我的病例，
來開始治療的過程。
由於癌症的治療也有分類，
連同整個快速診斷的過程，
我等了三天，直到有第一個空位出現，可以開始化療
—那時已經是我在急診室被診斷出疾病的三週後。
By then, I felt almost drained of all life.
On the first day of chemo,
I was so weak that I could not stop myself from falling
when I turned to get out of bed.
I hit the base of my skull on the bedpost,
sending an intense jolt of pain through my body.
到那時，我幾乎感到所有的生命都被消耗盡了。
第一天化療的時候，
我很虛弱，當我轉身起床時，
無法阻止自己跌倒。
我的頭骨底部撞在床柱上，
劇烈的疼痛傳遍我的身體。
The pain lingered as I tried to continue with my day.
Any slight movement would send excruciating jolts of pain throughout my body,
but I was determined to make it to my first chemo session.
When I returned from chemo in the afternoon,
I was so tired and in such pain
that I sat by the bed for a rest
before attempting to haul myself up onto the bed.
當我試著繼續一天的生活時，疼痛依然存在。
任何輕微的動作，都會給我的身體傳來劇烈的疼痛，
但我決定要參加自已的第一次化療。
當我下午化療回來的時候，
我感覺好累好痛苦，
在試圖把自己拖到床上之前，
坐在床邊休息一下。
It was at this moment
I witnessed a vision of the masses at Jesus’ crucifixion in Golgotha,
an area outside the city walls of Jerusalem.
As I was immobilized by the intense and excruciating pain in my bones,
God let me understand that it was such intense pain,
and so much more, that Jesus had endured when he suffered on the cross for us.
From my vantage point,
I could clearly see the fleshly pains of Jesus.
I could utterly relate to His cry on the Mount of Olives:
“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me;
nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done”
(Lk 22:42).
To follow in His example,
I mustered the courage to tell God I would go wherever He leads.
I then prayed for God to give me the strength
to complete this journey and the faith
to know that this was part of His perfect plan.
就在這一刻，
我目睹了在各各他山上，耶穌被釘十字架有一群人的異象，
耶路撒冷城牆外的區域。
正當我因為骨頭劇痛而難以忍受無法動彈的時候，
神讓我明白，那是多麼強烈的痛苦，
更重要的是，那是耶穌在十字架上為我們受苦，而所忍受的痛苦。
從我的角度來看，
我可以清楚地看到，耶穌肉體的痛苦。
我完全可以理解他在橄欖山上的哭號：
“42父阿！你若願意，就把這杯撤去；
然而，不要成就我的意思，只要成就你的意思。”
（路 22:42）。
要以祂為榜樣，
我鼓起勇氣告訴神，我會走去他帶領的任何地方。
然後我祈求神賜給我力量，
完成這段旅程和信心，
可以明白這是祂完美計劃的一部分。
The pains persisted with the same intensity the following morning.
Since I was going to have my next chemo session later that day,
I went into the ER to have it checked.
The pains were so intense
that it took at least seven ER nurses
to move and position me for the different scans and tests.
That is when they found
that I had a cracked cervical vertebra
from when I fell out of bed the day before.
直到第二天早上，疼痛以同樣的強度持續下去。
因為那天晚些時候，我要進行下一次化療，
我去急診室作檢查。
疼痛很強烈，
至少需要七名急診護士
來移動和定住我的位置，以進行不同的掃描和檢測。
這就是他們發現的時候，
我有頸椎骨折，
那是前一天，我從床上掉下來。
The immediate course of action was to perform surgery
to stabilize my neck with titanium plates.
This would prevent the vertebrae from collapsing,
which would result in paralysis.
But I protested, so instead, a collar was given to support my head,
and arrangements were made for me to see the spinal surgeon within forty-eight hours.
I also signed papers to absolve the hospital of liability
should I become paralyzed because of my decisions.
立即採取的療程就是進行手術，
用鈦金屬板來固定我的脖子。
這樣可以防止椎骨塌陷，
那將會導致癱瘓。
但我抗議，所以取而代之的，他們給了一個項圈來支撐我的頭部，
並安排我於四十八小時內，去看脊柱外科的醫生。
我還簽了免除醫院責任的文件，
我應該因為自已的決定而變成癱瘓嗎？
Still in pain, I was determined to go for my next chemo session,
so I was discharged.
With the collar on,
I made it to my appointment very slowly and cautiously.
仍然很痛，我決定去參加下一次化療，
所以我出院了。
帶著衣領，
我非常緩慢而謹慎地赴約。
The following day, I consulted the spinal surgeon.
After a series of tests and assessments of my mobility levels,
she concluded that titanium plates would be too drastic a measure at the time.
She kindly decided to give medications and radiation a chance
before putting me under the knife.
第二天，我諮詢了脊髓外科醫生。
在對我行動能力的程度進行了一系列測試和評估後，
她得出的結論，在當時鈦金屬板是一項過於極端的治療措施。
在置我於手術刀下之前
她好心決定給予藥物治療和放射線治療一次機會，。
By the time I saw the radiation oncologist a couple of weeks later,
I was not wearing the collar.
I walked into the clinic, sat, and waited for him.
A resident doctor came in
and was so astounded to see me sitting there
that he actually exclaimed, “You are sitting!”
I answered, “Yes, I’m sitting.”
He then left hastily, bringing another resident doctor to witness the sight.
During the consultation,
I was told that patients with similar injuries are generally wheeled in,
either in a wheelchair or on a stretcher.
And here I was, sitting and walking without assistance.
幾週之後，當我去見放射腫瘤專家時，
我並沒有戴著項圈。
我走進了診所，坐下來等他。
有住院醫生走進來，
很震驚的看到我坐在那裡，
他居然叫驚叫：“你能坐著！”
我回答說：“是的，我是坐著。”
然後他匆匆就離開，帶了另一位駐院醫生來見證這一景象。
諮詢的期間，
有人告訴我，有類似傷害的病人，通常是坐輪椅推進來的，
不是坐在輪椅上，就或放在擔架上。
而我就在這裡，在沒有幫助的情況下，可以坐著，走路。
In Summary 總結
These are just some of the miracles and grace God has showered upon me.
Since then, I have undergone more rounds of treatment.
But most importantly, I continued with life the best way I know how.
Although I have no idea what God has planned,
at least I know that whatever comes my way
—be it a lesson to learn, a task to complete,
or a journey for betterment
—I would be able to rise to the challenge because God walks with me.
神只是賜給我一些神蹟和恩典。
從那時起，我接受了更多回合的治療。
但最重要的是，我以自已知道的最好方式繼續活著。
雖然我不知道神的計劃是什麼，
至少我知道，無論我的路上會遇到什麼，
—就讓它成為學習的課程，可以完成的任務，
或是變得更好的旅程，
—我必能夠站立迎接挑戰，因為神與我同行。
If a broken body is the cross I have to bear in this lifetime,
then so be it, for I know with certainty that when one journeys with God,
there is always something to look forward to.
On this perilous trek,
I have thanked God for every forward step I managed to take,
however exhausting each one was.
Hymns of praise constantly accompanied me,
enveloping me with a sense of optimism and peace as I went along.
如果破碎的身體是我此生要背負的十字架，
那麼就這樣吧，因為我確信，當一個人與神同行的時候，
總會有值得令人期待的事物。
在此艱險的旅途中，
我很感謝神，自已可以試著向前邁出每一步，
不論每一步是有多麼累人。
讚美的詩歌時時伴隨著我，
在我往前的進程中，充滿了樂觀與和平的感覺。
I believe these experiences are the talents I received from the Lord our God.
Not sharing them is equivalent to hiding the talents in the ground
(Mt 25:14–30)
and diminishing the glory of God.
God’s glory is the lamp
that should be put on a stand and not under a bowl or bed,
for
“there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed,
nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light”
(Mk 4:21–25).
Amen.
我相信這些體驗，就是我從主我們的神那裡所得到的恩賜。
若沒有分享出來，就等同於把天賦才能隱藏在地下
（太 25：14-30）
並且削弱了神的榮耀。
神的榮耀是明燈，
應該要放在燈檯上，而不是放在碗下或是床下，
因為
“22因為掩藏的事，沒有不顯出來的；
隱瞞的事，沒有不露出來的。”
（可 4：21-25）。
阿們。
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
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