Manna issue 79 - From Self-Reliance to Reliance on the Lord God Almighty 從依靠自已到全心信靠神
We love Him because He first
loved us.
我們愛祂因祂先愛我們
Francisco Macias—/Glendale, USA
美國喜瑞都/格倫代爾 教會 Francisco Macias
First of all, I thank my Lord and
Savior Jesus Christ for the honor and
privilege of sharing with you His great
mercy, power, and glory.
首先，我感謝救主耶穌基督，讓我有此等榮耀和特權，
來和你們分享祂偉大的慈愛，力量和榮耀。
Sharing a testimony can be
challenging; we can sometimes be
self-absorbed and self-centered.
We may even present ourselves as
victims rescued by Christ rather than
as guilty culprits restored by Christ.
The tendency to focus on and talk
about ourselves in a favorable light—
glorifying ourselves instead of God—
is something we must always be wary
of when bearing testimony for the
Lord.
要分享見証可能是非常具有挑戰性的。
有時候，我們可能又自私，又自我中心。
甚至我們可能把自已當成是被基督拯救的受害者，而不認為自已是一個犯人，因為基督的原故而重新恢復了身份。
很容易用一種偏坦的眼光，集中在討論我們自已 -
榮耀自已而不是榮耀神 -
這種情況是一種我們必需總是非常小心的事情，尤其是當我們為主作見証的時候。
MY EARLY YEARS 年輕的時候
I was born and raised in Mexico; life
was quite difficult, especially for my
single mother. Raised as a Catholic,
I had catechism classes, which I did
not pay much attention to, and I only
attended church for special occasions.
As a result, I was not familiar with
God’s word.
我出生並且在墨西哥長大；
生活常常很困難，特別是對我的單親媽媽而言。
從小就是天主教徒，上過教義問答課，雖然我從來沒有很用心在上課，
並且我只有特別時機的時候，才會去教會。
結果，我對神的話一點都不熟。
When I was twenty, my mother
passed away, leaving my two brothers
and me in the care of my mother’s
youngest sister. Life became even
tougher for us and I had to work and
study at the same time to help my
aunt, who also had a daughter to
support.
當我20歲的時候，媽媽過逝了，留下了我的二個兄弟和我給小阿姨扶養。
對我們來說生活又變更加困難了，我同時要工作和上課，來幫助阿姨，
而她自已也有一個女兒要扶養。
That was when everything in my
life changed. I had the reputation
of being a “good guy,” but in a
matter of months, I started drinking,
smoking, lying, and going home late,
especially on weekends. Then people
thought of me as that “poor young
guy”—they mistakenly thought I was
a victim. On the contrary, my mother’s
passing allowed me to do whatever
I had always wanted to. Without a
strong figure of authority keeping me
in check, I could live as I pleased. I
was not a victim, but a guilty culprit,
manifesting my true colors.
過去我有"好人"的名聲，但是當生活上的每一件事都改變了，
就是幾個月之間，我開始渴酒，抽煙，說謊，很晚回家，特別是在周末的時候。
然後別人看我就認為是"那個可憐的年輕人" - 他們誤認我是一個受害者。
相反地，媽媽的過逝，讓我有機會去作任何以前我想作的事。
一旦失去了一個嚴格的長輩來管束我，我就可以任意而活。
我並不是一個受害者，而是一個有罪的犯人，並且表現出自已正正的樣子。
Over the course of a decade, my
relationship with my aunt, cousin,
and brothers deteriorated until one
day, we had an explosive argument.
I was so angry, disillusioned, and fed
up with my life in Mexico that I left
everything I had ever known and
headed for the US with the intent of
finding a new life in Canada.
經過了十年之後，我和阿姨，表妹及兄弟的關係非常的惡劣，
直到有一天，我們發生了一次爆炸性的爭吵。
我很生氣，有所醒悟，很厭惡在墨西哥的生活，
我就留下任何我在墨西哥所認識的人，往美國的方向出發，
想要在加拿大找到新生活。
EARLY ENCOUNTERS WITH LORD
JESUS AND HIS TRUTH
以前遇到主耶穌和真理
However, I ended up working
in southern California. Not long
afterwards, a member of the True
Jesus Church (TJC) started working at
the same place. She spoke some basic
Spanish and invited me to church. I
accepted out of curiosity since I did
not know much about Christianity. My
first impression was that the church
was plain and bare, full of people who
did not think or look like me. I asked
myself, “What am I doing here?”
Nonetheless, I continued attending
services with the believer who had
first invited me.
然而，最後我只能在南加州工作。
不久之後，有真耶穌教會的信徒開始在相同的地方工作。
她會說一些基本的西班牙語，並且邀請我去教會。
因為出於好奇心，我就接受了，
因為我對基督教所知道的並不太多。
我的第一印象是教會很樸實和空曠，其中有許多和我想法不同，或是長相不太一樣的人。
我問自已，"我幹麻在這裡呢？"
然而，我繼續和第一次請我去的信徒參加聚會。
One thing that really caught my
attention was praying in tongues. In
the Catholic Church in Mexico, I had
been told that praying in tongues was
only a gift of the Holy Spirit. Thus, I
thought only a few would pray in
tongues. To my surprise, however,
almost the entire congregation was
doing so.
引起我注意的一件是，就是禱告說靈言。
在墨西哥的天主教會中，有人說過，靈言禱告只是聖靈的一種恩賜。
因此，我認為只有少數人會靈言禱告。
然而，讓我嚇到的是，幾乎整個教會都會說靈言。
HARD-HEADED & HARD-HEARTED; 冷靜又鐵石心腸，所以只能痛苦的學習
LEARNING THE HARD WAY
Over a year later, the believer who
had first invited me to church left
the US to work abroad. Eventually,
I stopped attending services at TJC;
instead, I visited other churches, but
I always felt something was missing
despite their good teachings.
約一年之後，那位第一次邀我的信徒離往美國到國外工作。
最後，我停止真耶穌教會的聚會；
相對地，我到其他教會去了，
雖然其他教會也有好的教導，但我總是感到有所遺憾。
Years passed and I was fairly content
with my life. Then one day, while
working in construction, I fell from the
second floor. With a beam breaking
my fall, I survived unscathed. About
a month later, I fell down a skylight
and survivesd that too without any
significant injuries. That got me
thinking about God again, but not for
long ….
經過幾年之後，我對自已的生活很不滿意。
然後有一天在工地工作的時候，我從二樓掉下來。
一根柱子被厭壞了，我卻毫無損傷的活下來。
大約一個月之後，我從天窗掉了下去，並且也沒有任何重大傷害再度存活。
這些事讓我再次想到神，但卻沒有持續多久的時間。
Then in 2005, I saw blood in my
urine. Worryingly, the problem did
not go away. Anxious and afraid, I
consulted a doctor. Being diagnosed
with bladder cancer completely
stunned me—I felt that my life was
over. Yet somehow I also felt that
there was still hope, and that hope
made me turn to God. I pleaded, “If
you really exist, please help me.” I
had no choice but to surrender myself
to the Lord God Almighty.
接著在2005年的時候，我有血尿。
因為很擔心，但問題並沒有消失。
憂慮和害怕，我就找醫生諮詢。
被確診有膀胱癌之後，完全讓我嚇到 - 我覺得自已的生命完了。
然而不知怎麼的，我也覺得仍然有希望，而那種希望的感覺讓我轉向了神。
我向神祈求，"若你真的存在，請幫助我"。
我沒有選擇，只有自已向全能的主屈服。
Within a week after this shocking,
life-altering news, I attended services
again at TJC, and by God’s amazing
grace and mercy, I received baptism.
Praise the Lord, everything went
smoothly: the cancerous tumor was
surgically removed and I had checkups
every three months.
在驚嚇之餘的一周之後，改變生活的消息，我在真耶穌教會再次參加聚會，
因為神奇妙的恩典和慈愛，我接受了洗禮。
感謝神，一切都變得很順利。
癌症的腫瘤開刀移除了，每三個月要作一次檢查。
In spite of all this, I remained
unchanged—still an egocentric sinner,
reverting to my old ways and relying
solely on myself. I attended services
on Monday and Friday evenings, but
worked Saturdays because I did not
think that keeping the Sabbath was
important.
雖然這一切的事情，我仍然沒有改變，仍然是一個自我中心的罪人，
回轉到過去的道路，只依靠自已。
我參加星期一和星期五的聚會，因為我不認為尊守安息日是重要的。
About a year after my baptism, the
believer who had first invited me to
church returned to the US, and a year
and a half later, we got married. God
had blessed me with a beautiful wife
and marriage, but I still continued
having many difficulties and struggles.
在洗禮一年之後，第一次邀我的信徒回到美國了，
一年半後，我們結婚了。
神祝福我有一個美麗的妻子和婚姻，
但我仍繼續有許多困難和掙扎。
In 2009, during a routine check-up,
the urologist told me that he saw a
tumor, which needed to be surgically
removed. The news shook me up, but
my wife encouraged me to rely on
God in prayer and to get a second and
third opinion.
2009年的定期檢查，泌尿科醫生告訴我，他看見了腫瘤，這個需要開刀拿掉。
這個消息讓我震驚，但太太鼓勵我要在禱告中依靠神，並且試著去問看看第二和第三種意見。
After a month of intercessory
prayers and consultations, I settled on
a different urologist. During the preoperation
exam, he looked troubled
and kept shaking his head. Afterwards,
he told us to wait in another room.
Meanwhile, my wife and I prayed
earnestly. When the doctor finally
entered, he incredulously said, “I
looked and looked, but didn’t see any
tumors.” We joyfully left, praising
God with gratitude. You would think
that after experiencing such a miracle,
I would have completely turned over
a new leaf, but no! Stubbornly and
foolishly, I clung to some of my old
ways.
經過一個月的代禱和諮詢之後，我找到另一個泌尿科醫生。
在手術前的檢查，他看起來很困擾，持續搖著頭。
之後他告訴我們在另一個房間里等待。
同時，我和太太很迫切的禱告。
當醫生最後進來的時候，他很懷疑的說，
"我看了一次又一次，但我沒有看到任何腫瘤。"
我們很高興的離開了，用很感激的心讚美神。
你或許會想，在經歷了這樣的神蹟之後，
我可能就完全打開了人生新的一頁，但是沒有！
我即頑固又愚笨，我又依從了過去的一些老路了。
It wasn’t until 2010, when God
gave us the awe-inspiring privilege
of parenthood that I truly started
to submit to God and rely more on
Him than on myself. It was then that
I stopped making excuses for not
keeping the Sabbath. I realized that I
had been pleasing myself, and worst
of all, lying to God, merely obeying
Him at my own convenience.
但直到2010年，當神給我了令人畏懼的特權，為人父母，
我才真的開始順服神，並且更依靠祂，而不是依靠我自已。
也就是在那時候，我才停止為不守安息日找藉口。
我明白到，我一直自我感覺良好，最糟的是，向神說謊，
只因自已覺得方便，就順服自已的意思。
Every birth is a miracle, especially
one with complications like the birth
of our first child. Praise God she was
born healthy, despite frightening
odds. Seeing the frailty of human life
and the suffering my wife endured
spurred me to heed God more
seriously.
每一個嬰兒的出生都是神蹟，特別是像我第一個小孩出生的時候，特別的複雜。
雖然有讓人恐懼的低成功率，但感謝神，她出生很健康。
看到人類生命是這麼的脆弱，以及太太受了那麼多的苦，
激勵了我更加嚴肅的留心神的事。
DRAWING CLOSER TO LORD JESUS 更加靠近主耶穌
Since 2011, I have had the privilege
of being involved with church
visitations in the Dominican Republic
(DR). Serving the Lord is a humbling
experience; I felt ill-equipped since I
had not yet received the Holy Spirit.
Despite this, I relied on Lord Jesus and
volunteered as often as possible.
自2011年開始，我慶幸自已有此特別的權利，可以參與多明尼加的教會訪問。
服事主是一種謙卑的經驗；
因為自已還沒有領受聖靈，我覺得自已還沒有裝備好。
雖然這樣，我依靠主耶穌，儘可能的自願參加。
In 2012, a tumor was discovered in
my bladder. Praise the Lord that the
biopsy showed it had neither taken
root nor spread to other parts of the
body. Thank God it was removed
quickly and painlessly. Plus, I didn’t
have to take any additional time off
from work.
2012年的時候，我的膀胱又發現了腫瘤。
感謝神，切片檢查顯示了，它並沒有深根，也沒有散佈到身体的其他器官。
感謝神，很快就無痛地把它移除了。
不只如此，我並不需要在工作上另外請假。
In late 2013, I was offered the
responsibility of helping with the
church construction in the DR, which
would take about six months. Though
I had initially agreed, I began to have
second thoughts about being away
for such a long time, especially since
my wife had just given birth to our
second child. While the ministers in
charge of the project encountered
delays, I secretly hoped they would
forget about me.
2013年末，我承接了幫助多明尼加興建教會的責任，這需要花大約六個月的時候。
雖然我一開始答應了，但又有另外一種想法，擔心離開工作那麼久，
特別是我的太太才剛生下第二個小。
正當處理這件案子的負責人遭遇到案子進度延遲的時候，
我偷偷希望他們會忘記我的存在。
The ministers eventually contacted
me in early 2014 and asked if I was
ready to go to the DR the following
month. To do so, I had to quit my job
and leave my family. My anxieties
almost got the better of me and
I nearly backed out, but my wife
reassured me with her unwavering
faith that God would take care of our
family. After putting the matter in
God’s hands through prayer and with
my wife’s support, I mustered the
courage to go.
負責人最後在2014年初連絡到我，問我接下來幾個月是否準備好要去多明尼加。
要這麼作，我必需要辭去工作，離開家庭。
我的憂慮佔了上風，我幾乎退出，但我太太以她不動搖的信心再次向我保証，
神會照顧我們的家庭。
在禱告中把一切的事交託在神的手中，因為有太太的支持，我鼓起勇起出發了。
In the DR, I had countless
opportunities to share about Jesus
and His truth with many people,
which shamefully made me realize
that I didn’t really know that much
myself! I had to constantly search the
Scriptures to find the answers to all
their questions as well as my own.
By speaking to people on the streets
and studying the Bible day after day, I
learned more about our faith and how
to share and defend it. The believers
there also helped me address the
many questions I could not answer.
Although we shared the gospel with
surrounding neighbors, nobody came
to believe. Initially, I got upset and
frustrated with the apparent lack of
results.
在多明尼加的時候，我有很多機會和許多人來分享耶穌和真理，
讓我很羞恥地的明白到，我並沒有真的認識我自已。
我要不斷查考聖經來找答案，來回答他們的問題，這也同時是我自已的問題。
因為在街上和別人談論，並且天天考查聖經，我學到更多有關自已的宗教，如何去分享，如何來捍衛。
那裡的許多信徒也幫我講解很多我不能回答的問題。
雖然我們和附近的鄰居分享福音，沒有人來相信。
一開始我對於沒有結果，覺得很沮喪和挫折。
Then it dawned on me that I used to
be just like those neighbors—rejecting
God, unwilling to admit how sinful we
are, and not wanting to rely on Him.
This realization sparked a change in
my prayers and prompted me to fast
and pray, out of a desperate need
for God’s guidance, wisdom, and the
courage to share His truth. Each day,
I would ask God to reveal His will—
where to go, who to talk to, what to
do and say. I thank God for enabling
me to share His word with whomever
I encountered on the street for a few
hours each day after work.
然後我突然驚醒一樣，過去我也很像這些鄰居一樣 - 抗距神，
不願意承認我們是有多麼的罪惡，不想依靠祂。
這醒悟的瞬間，導致了我在禱告中的改變，因為很絕望地需要神的指引，智慧和勇氣來分享祂的真理。
每一天我求神來顯明祂的旨意 - 要去那裡，和誰說話，要作什麼說什麼。
感謝神，讓我可以在工作之後，每一天和任何在街上遇到的人，分享祂的話語幾個小時的時間。
RECEIVING THE HOLY SPIRIT 得到聖靈
I came across numerous questions
about our faith during that time in
the DR, but whenever asked about
the Holy Spirit, I became nervous and
uneasy. How could I give an answer
when I myself had not received
the Holy Spirit? Nonetheless, the
questions encouraged me all the more
to pray for God’s will to be done and
for me to be equipped for His service.
在多明尼加的這段時間，我遇到了許多信仰上的問題，
但無論何時問到聖靈的時候，我就變得很緊張，並且不自在。
當我自已還沒有得到聖靈的時候，我怎麼能回答聖靈的問題呢？
雖然如此，這些問題鼓勵我更加禱告，求神的旨意成全，
讓我可以好好裝備為祂所用。
After being in the DR for over five
months, my return to the US was
delayed by a month due to a couple
of unforeseen circumstances, one of
which was to interpret for the next
visiting preacher. Before his arrival,
I had a couple of weeks to think,
reflect, and pray.
在多明尼加超過五個月之後，我回到美國的時間延後了一個多月，
因為有一些不能預見的情況，其中之一就是要為下一個來訪的傳道翻譯。
在他來之前，我有幾週好好想想，反省，禱告。
A little less than two years prior
to this point in time, I had the first
of three related dreams: While at an
outdoor church service, I received the
Holy Spirit during the prayer. It was so
real that I felt very happy. Alas, it was
only a dream.
在這個時間點的大約快二年之前，我夢見了三個有關連的異夢的第一個：
在一場室外的聚會中，禱告的時候得到了聖靈。
這是多麼的真實，讓我覺得很高興。
可惜的是，這只是一場夢。
Within a year of the first dream, I
had the second one. This time, I was
attending a service inside the church.
While praying, I suddenly started
speaking in tongues. Of course I
rejoiced upon receiving the Holy
Spirit, but again it was just a dream.
在第一次異夢之後快一年的時候，我有第二個異夢。
這次，我在教會裡面參加聚會。
在禱告中，我突然開始說靈言。
當然，我很高興可以得到聖靈，但是，同樣的，這也是一場夢。
The third dream occurred during my
extended stay in the DR. However,
my reaction was significantly different
from the previous two. I dreamt that I
was inside the church and when I knelt
down to pray, I started speaking in
tongues. Weeping and pleading with
God for His forgiveness and mercy, I
could only see myself as a sinner—
arrogant, cowardly, disobedient, and
self-centered. I then realized that in
my previous dreams, I had desired the
Holy Spirit for selfish reasons rather
than for surrendering myself to God.
第三次異夢發生在我延後留在多明尼加。
但是我的反應就大大地和前兩次不同。
我夢到我在教會裡面，當跪下來禱告的時候，我開始說靈言。
流著淚祈求神可以赦免和施予慈愛，
我只看見自已是一個罪人 -
自大，無膽，不順服，自我中心。
然後我了解到，在之前的夢中，我想要得聖靈是因為自私的原因，
而不是讓自已順服神。
A couple of days after this third
dream, I prayed to God to direct my
footsteps. As soon as I felt my tongue
start to move on its own, I stopped
praying. I could not believe that I had
truly received the Holy Spirit! At first,
I thought I was only imagining my
tongue moving, so the next few times
I prayed by deliberately repeating,
“Hallelujah” very softly so that my
tongue would not move freely.
第三次異夢幾天之後，我禱告求神指引我的腳步。
只要我感覺到舌頭開始自已跳動，就停止禱告。
我不敢相信，自已真的已經得到聖靈了！
一開始，我認為只是自已想像舌頭在跳動，
所以接下來幾次禱告，我故意輕輕的重覆唸"哈利路亞"禱告，
這樣我的舌頭才不會自由跳動。
When the preacher finally arrived,
we prayed together. Afterwards, he
immediately asked, “When did you
receive the Holy Spirit?” By confirming
that I indeed had received the Holy
Spirit, my doubts disappeared and I
was inexpressibly grateful to God for
granting me His precious Spirit.
當傳道最後來了，我們一起禱告。
之後，他立刻問，"你什麼時候得到聖靈？"
因為得到証實，我真的已經得到聖靈，我的疑慮就消失了，
我對神有無法形容的感謝，因為祂讓我得到寶貴的聖靈。
As in my dream, I felt so unworthy
of God’s love and mercy that I was
moved to tears. I asked, “How could
you grant Your Holy Spirit to such an
undeserving sinner like me?” I recalled
how God had shown me tremendous
love throughout my life.
就在夢中一樣，我覺得不配得到神的愛和憐憫，就感動到一直流淚。
我問，"你怎麼會賜給我這多麼不配的罪人，得到聖靈呢？"
我就記起來，神是如何在我的一生中，賜給我許許多多的愛。
Previously, I had only been praying
to receive blessings for my own
benefit, but did I truly believe, obey,
surrender, or have faith in Him? What
had I done with my life but wasted a
good portion of it? I realize now that
God does not need me—I need God!
I love Him because He first loved
me, and the best way I can show my
gratitude is by denying myself and
taking up the cross to travel on the
path that God has allotted for me.
之前，我只會為自已的好處想領受福氣來禱告，
但我真的有相信，遵守，順服，或對祂有信心嗎？
我自已生活中過去所作的事，只不過是浪費其中很有用的一些時間而已？
我現在明白，神並不需要我，而是我需要神！
我愛祂，因為祂先愛我，我最能夠表達感激的方式，就是自已謙卑下來，
背起十字架，走在神已經為我準備好的路上。
Being baptized and having received
the Holy Spirit are just the beginning
of my journey with Christ. I am still
a work-in-progress, in need of God’s
forgiveness every day, and I ask for
mercy and sanctification, to grow
in His likeness. As Apostle Paul says
in Philippians 2:12, “Therefore,
my beloved, as you have always
obeyed—not only in my presence,
but now much more in my absence—
continue to work out your salvation
with fear and trembling.”
接受了洗禮，領受了聖靈，只不過是我在基督裡，旅程的開端。
我仍是一個進行接受塑造中的人，每天需要神的赦免，我求神的憐憫和潔淨，讓我可以成長的像祂一樣。
就像保羅在腓利比書二章12節說的，
"12這樣看來，我親愛的弟兄，你們既是常順服的，不但我在你們那裡，就是我如今不在你們那裡，
更是順服的，就當恐懼戰兢做成你們得救的工夫。"
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
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