Manna issue 78 - Straying and Returning to the True Jesus Church 過去迷失，如今回歸真耶穌教會
The loving Father waits for our return. 慈愛的天父等待我們回來
A. Boivin—Vancouver, Canada 加拿大溫哥華 A. Boivin
I am often asked, “Did you grow up
in the church?” And I never really
know how to answer that question.
Like every testimony, there are many
versions of the story. It continues to
build over time, piece by piece, grace
by grace. But in every version, the
constant thread that binds them all is
the life-altering grace and redemptive
love that God poured into my life
when I least deserved it.
我常常被問到，"你是在教會裡面長大的嗎？"
我真的從來不知道要如何回答這個問題。
就好像每一個見証一樣，有許多版本的故事。
這個故事隨著時間不斷的增加，一點一點的，恩上加恩不斷增長。
但是在每一則見証中，有一個不間斷的線索，連繫著他們全部的人，就是改變他們生命的大恩典，
而神則以挽回我的大愛，澆灌在我們的生命之中，雖然我們最不配得到這恩典的人。
THE EARLY YEARS 早期的年日
I was baptized into the True Jesus
Church (TJC) as a baby. From an early
age, my mother read the Bible to me
every night and we prayed together
as a family before we went to sleep.
From the stories my mother told me
and what I learned at church, the
foundation of my childhood faith
was built on the simple fact that God
loved me. That the very same God
who protected Daniel from the lions
and parted the Red Sea for Moses
and the Israelites, was high up in the
sky, loving me. That very thought was
enough to convince me that I was
very blessed.
我在小嬰孩的時候，就受洗歸入真耶穌教會了。
年輕的時候，每天晚上我的母親給唸聖經給我聽，我們就一家人就在睡覺之前，一起跪下來禱告。
經由我母親告訴我的故事中，以及我在教會裡面所學到的東西，我小時候的信仰，基礎建立在一個簡單的事實，就是神很愛我。
就是那個同樣的神，過去保護但以理不被獅子吞吃，並且為了摩西和以色列百姓分開了紅海，
他是高高在天之上，他卻非常的愛我。
這種特別的想法，就足夠讓我深信，我是受到了很大的祝福。
However, as I grew up and life
became complicated, the greatest
thing that fuelled my simple
faith, God’s love, became the
most challenging part for me to
understand. On the pulpit, pastors
would tell stories about God’s power
flowing into people’s lives, drastically
changing their circumstances and
filling their lives with meaning. I heard
testimonies of incomplete hearts that
had been transformed and healed by
a loving God. I would peek during
prayers and watch others praying
so earnestly, tears running down
their cheeks as they poured out
their deepest hurts to the Lord. And
looking back, I remember no longer
being able to recognize that God in
my life—the God they talked about
in those stories, the God whom those
heartfelt prayers around me seemed
to be reaching out to. Somewhere
along the way, I had decided that I
could not possibly be worthy of that
kind of love—not from God, or from
anyone. And slowly, the foundation
of my faith began to fall apart. The
God in my life began to seem so silent
and so small—merely the sum of
powerless rituals and rules. Eventually,
this turned into a total rejection of
Christianity, of church, and of God.
然而當我長大之後，生活變得非常的複雜，為我簡單的信心加添力量，
對我而言，這最大的能力卻變成我身上最具挑戰性去明白的一部份事情。
在講台上，傳道會說有關神能力的故事，而神的能力則會隨著流入人們的生命中，
大大的改變他們的環境，讓他們的生命充滿了意義。
我有聽過一個見証，他有一顆不完全的心，但是最後卻被慈愛的神加以改變和醫治。
我在禱告的時候會偷看，看到別人是非常的迫切在禱告，眼淚從臉夾上流了下來，
因為他們把自已內心最深的憂傷，向主耶穌傾訴。
如今回頭看，我不再記得可以想出任何有神在我生命中的事 -
在他們故事中所談到的神，在我身旁的誠心禱告，看起是要到達神的面前。
在走過來的一路上，似乎在那個時間點上，我決定不再可能值得承受那種愛 - 不值從神得到愛，也不值得到任何人的愛。
漸漸地，我信仰的基督就開始分崩離析。
在我生命中的神，開始看起來變得安靜了，變得很微小 -
只不過是一些沒有能力的儀式和規則的總合而已。
到最後，這就變成了完全的拒絕基督教，拒絕教會，並且拒絕有神。
LEAVING HOME 離開家園
I began to rebel around the age of
fourteen. The nagging emptiness in
my heart became my evidence that
the God in my life was not good. I
decided that there was more to life
than going through all the motions,
praying for happiness, and waiting for
God to come through. I decided to
stop waiting and set out to find that
missing piece on my own.
我在14歲的時候，開始變得背叛。
在我內心糾纏不清的空虛感，變成了一種明証，就是在我生命中的神，對我並不好。
我就決定，在生命中有更多有意義的事情，比只是不斷等待和請求神，
為了幸福而禱告，等待神的幫助讓我們安然渡過，更加重要。
我決定停止等待，開始要自已尋找那遺失的東西。
I travelled everywhere and
anywhere I could, attending camps
and programs promising “the time
of your life!” on their promotional
websites filled with images of smiling
children. Eventually, I even left my
home in Vancouver for two years to
attend boarding school in California
during my sophomore and junior
years of high school. I was desperately
chasing after feelings of fulfillment
and belonging, convinced I was
always just one more plane ride away
from finding what I was looking for.
我盡我可能的到處旅行，參加成長營，和各種可能促進"好好運用自已生命時間！"的訓練計劃，
因為在他們推擴活動的網站上，充滿了各種笑得非常燦爛的小孩子。
最後，我也甚至也離開溫哥華的家二年去參加寄宿學校，在大二和高中的時候。
我非常絕望的想要追求成就感和歸屬感，並且內心深信，我總是差那麼一點點的距離，就可以找到我一直在尋找的東西。
After those years of traveling,
I eventually returned home at
seventeen years of age, with incredible
experiences and great stories to
tell. Those years had been full of
friendship, affection, and every other
good thing this world had to offer that
was supposed to heal a broken spirit.
But at home, when the quiet routines
of normal life resumed, I still felt the
weight of brokenness in my life. I had
tried to escape, but my adventures
had only been a distraction from the
intense sadness that had taken root in
my heart.
經過這幾年的旅行之後，我最後在17歲的時候回家了，
有了非常另人驚奇的經驗，和許多很棒的故事可以和別人分享。
在這幾年之中，都充滿了各種友誼，情感的交流，以及在這世上，
可以找到的其他每一種好事，都應該是可以用來醫治一個破碎的心靈。
但是在家裡，當安靜的日常生活變成一層不變又開始之後，
我仍然可以感覺到在我生命中一個破碎心靈的重量和壓力。
我已經試著想要逃開了，但我的冒險之旅，只不過是僅僅讓我轉離一些焦點而已，
還是一樣有非常強烈的悲傷，而這悲傷的感覺已經深深根植於我的內心之中。
I decided that perhaps the key to
bringing meaning into my life was
to stop thinking about myself and
to start serving others. So I changed
course and for the next two years, I
dedicated my life to working with
a non-profit organization aiding
orphaned children affected by HIV
and AIDS in Harare, Zimbabwe. I
spent two winters sitting in a rundown
orphanage in Harare, cradling
little ones in my arms, some disfigured
by abuse and illness, holding back
tears and praying to my silent God
that He would send someone to love
them. Surrounded by these children,
my heart had no choice but to ache,
to love and to change— for the first
time in a very long time, I found
myself wondering about God.
我決定，或許最主要的因素，可以讓我的生活變得有意義，就是停止只想到自已，並且開始服務別人。
我變更了一些課程在接下來的二年，我獻出自已的生命，在非營利組織工作，
去幫助在辛巴威的哈拉雷，那些受到 HIV 和 AIDS 感染的孤兒。
我花了二個冬天的時候，坐在哈拉雷一個被縮減的孤兒院，
用手臂搖著許多的小孩子，有些小孩因為虐待和生病變得很醜，
我仰制了自已的眼淚，並且向我一直沉默的神的禱告，希望祂可以派某個人來愛這些小孩。
因為被這些小孩子圍繞，我的內心沒有任何的選擇，只能感到心痛，
並且學著去愛他們，幫助改變他們 -
這也是這麼長久以來的第一次，我們自已會想到神。
THE TURNING POINT轉捩點
During my last trip to Harare, the
winter after I graduated from high
school, I heard a story about the
faithfulness of an ancient Christian
martyr. While travelling to an
orphanage, a youth pastor from
another Christian denomination told
me about a Christian man taken
hostage by men who were torturing
him to make him deny Christ. The
torturers gouged out his eyes, and
after they did, the man responded,
“My eyes have no meaning to me, for
I have already seen the glory of my
God.” The torturers cut off his hands,
and he responded, “I have no need
for my hands, for I have already felt
the love of God.” And with each part
of him that they took away, this man
responded that each piece had already
fulfilled its purpose by knowing the
Lord. There was nothing they could
take away from him.
在我最後一次去哈拉雷旅行的時候，也是我從高中畢業之後的冬天，
我聽到了一個有關一個古代基督教殉道者信心的故事。
當旅行到一個孤兒院的時候，有另一個其他基督教派的年輕牧師告訴我，
一個信基督的人，被別人挾持，壞人折磨他，要讓他否認基督。
壞人挖出了他的雙眼，在他們作完之後，這個人就回答說，
"我的雙眼對我是沒有任何意義的，因為我已經看見了我神的榮耀。'
壞人有砍了他的雙手，然後他回答說，
"我已經不需要我的雙手了，因為我已經感覺到了神的愛。"
隨著他身上的每一個部份被拿下來，這個人都回答，他身上的每一個部份都完成了它的工作，只因為他認識神。
在他身上，再也沒有任何東西可以被壞人拿走了。
I remember my eyes filling with tears
as I stood in that driveway listening
to this story. I felt like the man in the
story—as though I had been giving
myself away to the world, piece by
piece. Except I did not have what this
man had, which was the peace and
assurance that persisted in the midst
of his pain. Although I had not yet
begun to allow my faithless heart
to open itself up to the possibility
of God, I felt that the God who had
seemed so silent in my life had begun
to whisper to me.
當我站在門口聽到這個故事的時候，我記得自已的眼睛充滿了淚水。
我感覺到，故事裡的這個人 - 就好像是我一樣，放棄自已，一件一件獻給了世界一樣。
然而，我卻沒有這個人所有的，他有平安和確信存留在痛苦之中的信念。
雖然我還沒有開始讓自已沒有信的內心向神打開，讓神去實現他任何的可能性，
我卻感覺到，神一直以來雖然都在我內心看起來很安靜，但他卻開始向我呼召了。
RETURNING HOME 回家
For many years my mother had been
asking me to consider joining a TJC
seminar. A year after I returned home
from Zimbabwe, I finally agreed.
At that time, the only seminar open
was the 2011 College Youth Spiritual
Convocation (CYSC) in Cerritos,
California. It was at a place I had never
been to, and in a region where I did
not know a single person. However,
despite my doubts, a few months
later, I found myself on a plane to
southern California for this event.
During the days leading up to my trip,
I had told God, “Okay, listen, God.
I’m going to do this one last thing.
I’m going to attend this seminar, and
if I don’t find you there, then that’s it.
I will come to peace with my decision
to walk away.” I was twenty years
old, and I had spent the past six years
running away from God. One way or
another, this was going to be my last
adventure.
許多年以來，我的母親一直叫我好好考慮去參加真耶穌教會的研習營。
在我從辛巴威回家之後的一年，我終於點頭了。
在那時候，唯一有的研習營就是2011年大專青年靈恩會(CYSC)在加州喜樂多教會。
那個地方我從來沒有去過，那個地區我也不認識任何一個人。
然而，雖然我有懷疑，幾個月之後，我發現自已就在往南加州這個研習營的飛機上。
在我旅程中的這幾天之中，我已經跟神說，"好吧，神啊，請聽著。
我將要去作這最後一件事情。
我將會去參加這個研習營，若是我沒有在那裡發現你，那麼一切就到此為止了。
我會用自已的意識平靜的下決定走開。"
我20歲了，我用了過去六年從神的面前跑開。
無論那種方法，我將會是我最後的冒險之旅。
I will never forget walking into the
chapel at Cerritos for the first time.
When the congregation sang the
hymn, “Holy, Holy, Holy,” it was the
most beautiful hymn I had ever heard.
Every single note was in perfect
harmony, and I remember looking
around me and being so distracted by
the beauty of the hymn that I forgot
to sing. I remember that the voices of
doubt in my mind quieted, and my
heart began to open.
我永遠不會忘記第一次走進喜樂多會堂的時候。
那個時候，會眾正在唱著讚美詩，"聖哉，聖哉，聖哉，"
這首讚美詩是我所聽過最為優美的詩歌。
每一個單一的音符都帶著完美的合音，
而且我記得看看了四周，因為被這首讚美詩的優美而弄得分心，我卻忘了唱詩。
我記得在我腦海中那些疑惑的聲音安靜了，我的內心開始打開。
Throughout the seminar, the words
shared by the pastors and speakers
rooted themselves deeply into my
heart and I was cut to the core. I felt
as though God was speaking directly
to me. I had long prided myself
on being quite cool and collected,
however, I found myself overcome
with emotions. Try as I might, I could
not stop the tears. I felt as though God
was shattering all my misconceptions
and finally standing before me as who
He was—so mighty, so powerful,
and so good. For the first time, I
began to feel the weight of sins I had
committed in the years I had spent
away from Him.
透過這個研習營，傳道和講道者所分享的道理自已深深的札根在我的內心之中，而且深深札入我的內心。
我感覺就好像神直接在向我說話。
一直以來我對自已的特立獨行非常的泰然自若，感到很驕傲，
然而我發現自已被情感勝過。
我盡力克制，但卻不能停止眼淚流下來。
我感覺到就好像是神粉碎了我所有錯誤的想法，最後站在我面前，
就像他從前一樣 - 是如此有大能大力，並且也是如此的美好。
這是第一次，我開始感覺到在這幾年之中我離開他之後，所犯之罪的重量。
Because this was a seminar for
college youths, many of the messages
and teachings were rightfully geared
towards a more advanced group
with a strong foundation of Biblical
knowledge. However, I was coming
from years of absence and was
nowhere near on the same level as my
peers—and all I wanted to know was
whether God still loved me. The topics
and format of our lessons meant that
the preachers never directly addressed
the love of God, because it was likely
that everyone sitting around me
already knew quite well that God
loved them. However, as I carried the
burden of my conviction, the only
thing I wanted to know was whether
or not it was too late for me to be
loved.
因為這是為了大專青年所辨的研習營，所以教導和訊息都是專為裝備那些已經受過深入訓練的學生，
通常他們比較有深入聖經知識的基礎。
然後，在這幾年之間我幾乎都是缺席的，所以不可能有像其他同學對聖經了解的程度 -
所以我唯一一切想知道的，就是神是不是仍然愛著我。
我們課程的主題和形式，就意謂了，傳道永遠不會直接述說神的愛，
因為這就好像每一個坐在我旁邊的人，早已經十分了解，神很愛他們。
然而，當我背負著自已定罪的重擔時，我唯一想知道的是，不管怎樣，讓我接受神的愛，是不是已經太遲了。
Finally, during one prayer, I
surrendered everything to God. I
summoned up courage to push away
my fear of being rejected by God,
and I laid my sins and my burdens
at His feet. I brought all these years
of defeat, sorrow and brokenness to
Him, and I told Him I was so sorry for
hurting Him. I told Him that I knew
there was not one person on this
earth who was less worthy than me,
but if He wanted me back, I was His.
最後，在一次的禱告之中，我放下一切給神。
我鼓起勇氣把自已的恐懼推開，推開神會拒絕我的恐懼，
然我我把自已的罪和重擔放在祂的腳前。
我把這些年來的失敗，悲傷，和一個破碎的心，交託給祂，
並且我告訴祂，過去傷害祂的事，我感到很抱謙。
我告訴祂，我已經知道，在世上沒有任何人，會比我更加不配，
但是祂若要我從新回來，我就是屬於祂的。
Within moments of praying those
words, I felt enveloped by comfort,
as though arms were pulling me into
an embrace. I was filled with the Holy
Spirit, and I felt a still small voice
repeating over and over again as I
prayed, telling me “I love you, I love
you, I love you ….” This prayer and
this voice have been the beginning
of a lifelong love story that God has
been writing, and continues to write,
in my life.
在禱告了這些話的幾分鐘之中，我感覺到自已被一種舒服的感覺所包圍，
就好像是有二隻手臂把我拉進懷抱之中。
我的聖靈非常的充滿，並且我感覺到有一個持續微小的聲音，
不斷重覆一次又一次的在禱告中，告訴我，"我愛你，我愛你，我愛你..."
這個禱告，和這個聲音，已經成為一生之前愛的故事的開端，
這是神所寫的故事，並且在我生命中一直寫下去。
Knowing and experiencing God’s
love have been the greatest catalyst
in my life thus far. It has truly been my
saving grace. Although I have faced
hardships, hurts, and challenges since
I returned to God, these years have
been the most joyful of my life. The
long journey to that little chapel was,
indeed, my last adventure. I finally
met my loving and faithful Savior, and
when He asked me to give Him my
heart, I said yes. Every other thing in
my life pales in comparison.
認識並且體諒到神的愛，是在我生命中到目前為止，最大信仰的催化劑。
這真是我得到的救贖恩典。
雖然我面對了許多困難，受到許多傷害，和挑戰，因為我回到主身邊，
這幾年就成為我生命中最快樂的日子了。
走進小會堂漫長的旅程，直的就是我最後一次的冒險了。
我終於遇見了我慈愛和信實的救主，
當他要我給祂我的內心時，我說好的。
因為在我生命中的其他事情，比較起來都變得毫無樂趣了。
REFLECTIONS 反省
Even though I believe in God’s
redeeming grace and forgiveness
in my life, threaded throughout my
journey of faith are still inklings of the
broken road that led me here. I have
prayed many prayers wishing I could
have all those years I lost to give them
back to God. But I know that without
walking through the broken parts of
my journey, I would never have been
able to experience the restoration
and redemption that come from a
complete surrender to the grace of
God. I would have never known what
it really felt like to need a Savior. This
journey has been as much about loss
as it has been about hope.
即使我相信在我生命中，神救贖的恩典和赦免，
通過我信仰的旅程，仍是模模糊糊的走過破碎的道路，而如今領我走到這裡。
我禱告了很多，希望我這一切迷失的幾年，可以歸還給神。
但是我知道，若是沒有走過我旅程中這些破碎的道路，
我將不會可以作到體驗到與神和好，和救贖，而這些是來自於完完全全的臣服在神恩典面前。
我將永不會知道，感覺會需要一位救主到底是什麼感覺。
這段旅程的意義，不論在遣失這幾年的部份，或是後來得到希望的部份，都是很重要的。
If there is anything that God has
taught me, it is that it is never too
late to turn around and take that first
step towards home. It is so easy for us
to feel as though we are too far and
too long gone. So often, we minimize
the power of the cross. We buy into
the lie that the blood that was shed
for us is not enough to redeem the
most broken parts of our lives. What
a tragedy it would be if we missed out
on the gift of grace because we forgot
the price He paid, if we missed out on
the gift of love because we forgot
why He paid it.
若是神有教我任何事情，那就是，回頭並且舉起踏向家裡的第一步，永遠不會太遲。
我們很容易就感覺，好像是我們離的很遠，或是神是早就不在我們身邊了。
就是這麼常見，導致我們把十字架的恩典最小化。
我們接受了這樣的謊言，為我們所流的寶血，不足以拯救我們，從我們生命中破碎的部份，脫離出來。
若是我們錯過了恩典的禮物，將會是非常的可悲，因為我們忘了祂為我們所付出的贖價，
因為我們忘了為什麼要付出這個贖價，而錯過了祂愛的禮物，則更加可悲。
We serve a God who sees us, even
from a long way off. A God who is
filled with compassion, who runs
to us and celebrates when we have
been found. Just as I believed when I
was a child, the very same God who
protected Daniel from the lions and
parted the Red Sea for Moses and the
Israelites, is high up in the sky, loving
me and loving you. Amazing grace!
我們事奉一個看顧我們的神，即使祂是從很遠的地方看著我們。
祂是一個充滿憐憫的神，親近我們，當祂發現了我們，就很高興的慶祝。
就像當我是小孩子的時候，我相信，保護但以理不被獅子吃的同樣一個神，
為摩西和以色列百姓分開紅海的神，是高高在天上，愛著我，也愛著你。
真是奇妙的恩典！
For I am persuaded that neither
death nor life, nor angels nor
principalities nor powers, nor things
present nor things to come, nor
height nor depth, nor any other
created thing, shall be able to
separate us from the love of God
which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Rom 8:38–39)
38因為我深信無論是死，是生，是天使，是掌權的，是有能的，是現在的事，是將來的事，
39是高處的，是低處的，是別的受造之物，都不能叫我們與神的愛隔絕；這愛是在我們的主基督耶穌裡的。
(羅 8：38-39)
May all the glory, honor and praise
be unto His holy name.
願一切的榮耀，尊貴和稱頌都歸於祂的聖名。
小頁 markvmax@hotmail.com
留言列表
